An Impossible Situation for a Software Engineer

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I'm not exactly new here, but I've been away from WP for a while because I took a new job in Boston and got really busy with some programming projects...

My situation is truly impossible... I mean... by any measure of logic I know, no human being should be capable of getting into my situation.

I'm a software engineer by trade. I don't have any degrees. I lucked into the job in 1998 on contract with MCI / WorldCom and am entirely self taught. It was a few years before that about the time my ex and I were having our first child that I totally fouled up any chance I would ever have to get a college degree when I defaulted on some student loans that had been used to get me into a trade school that I couldn't complete due to an inability to find work during hours that didn't conflict with the school (no degree, no cert from the trade school).

Never the less, I did luck into programming computers professionally... I've always been a "self starter". Even when I was a kid and I was into role playing games, I wasn't content to just play them, I spent a large amount of my time and a good seven years of my teens and early adulthood working on a game I wanted to publish that never came to fruition. And after that was over, I started doing the same thing with software. It's my life. When you wake up in the morning, I'm working. When you go to sleep at night, I'm working. When you're having dinner, brushing your teeth, having lunch or coffee, taking your family to the park, going on vacation, I'm working. Santa Clause doesn't even keep the kind of hours I keep.

And consequently I'm very good at what I do. I'm now a published author, a twice certified advanced ColdFusion programmer, a former Adobe Community Expert and a member of Team Macromedia before that. I've presented at conferences and at many user-groups. And there are at minimum three separate occasions on which I've done "the impossible" according to people with far more credentials than I have, like Ben Forta (Adobe's evangelist), Sean Corfield and the engineering team at Macromedia. I got my copy of Adobe Creative Suite for free as one of the perks for being a member of their Community Experts program (an invitation only program). At least two of my ideas became part of Adobe's latest version of ColdFusion 8 (I was a member of their prerelease program for the product) and in spite of having voluntarily released my seat in the Community Experts program about two years ago (during a bout of extreme depression including suicidal ideation while living just 50-feet behind a railroad track), I recently received an unsolicited invitation to Adobe's prerelease program for their next version of ColdFusion.

Now... if I were any other person, this would be considered quite successful... maybe even "phenomenally" successful... which is why I say my situation is impossible... Because I average more than one "full time permanent" job per year, and as a result am now almost 6-figures in debt to child support and worry every single day about a combination of where my next meal is coming from and when the state is going to put me in jail for child support. Last week I received a letter from the attorney general's office in TX stating that they would "pursue legal action" if I don't cough up nine thousand dollars that I've never had and was never likely to have within the next 60 days. A few days later I was fired again. Just to make life interesting, it turns out that the child support office in basically every state in the US simply refuses to acknowledge that people get fired. Their assumption is that if I'm getting fired, I'm obviously doing it ON PURPOSE specifically to avoid child support. Great! So not only am I a screw up, but I'm apparently a malicious and deliberate screw up who hates my children. Even when it's painfully obvious to even a casual observer that keeping a good job and paying the child support would be VASTLY easier for me than going through all the jobs I've been through.

When I was growing up, autism was pretty much unknown. My mother took me from one specialist to another trying to figure out what my condition was and getting one dead-end after another. One specialist told her there was simply no hope for me on the outside and that I needed to be institutionalized for the rest of my life for my own safety. I found out about autism about two years ago, and unfortunately still don't have an official diagnosis. I did see a therapist who works with people on the spectrum last year in Portland and then also a psychological nurse who wrote me a report recommending a possible diagnosis of AS. But since getting to Boston Tiff and I have been unable to reach the psychologist we were referred to by the Asperger's Association of New England (AANE).

The last two jobs I've taken were after finding out about Asperger Syndrome. Both of them were only even entertained because the placement ads sounded different to me than most, and I hoped that perhaps I had found a company where I could really contribute. Both of them told me they were looking for someone extremely advanced and I apparently fit the bill in that category after having breezed through their entrance exams as though I'd been born writing software. The first one in Portland seemed okay until I had a falling out with the owner -- a typical "sales type" -- though my relationships with everyone else in the office were fine.

This last one here in Boston started out great too. I had decided to disclose in advance that I had AS and try to explain what that meant, what kind of job I was looking for and that I was working on counseling for my social skills but that it would take time. The owners assured me that I would be challenged and that I would make a significant contribution to the company, paid for me to relocate (it gets harder to convince them to do that every time I need a new job), and then once I was here, proceeded to shoot down every suggestion I made, even small ones.

What finally convinced them to fire me was that I pointed out that it's not really in the company's best interest to pay someone as much as they pay me to work on things that an intern can do. I could be wrong, but the software industry is the only industry I know of where hiring managers seem to feel they need a high-paid expert to accomplish menial tasks. If you want a coat of paint on your house, do you hire Bob Villa, just because he's an expert? It wasn't intended to be personal, but they took it personally, saying that I had come in and said "and now I'm going to tell you how to run your company"... Well... no that wasn't my intent. I believed in the company and wanted to see everyone succeed and was merely pointing out that the most cost effective way to use an expert is to utilize expert-level skills instead of paying them expert salary to utilize novice skills. I had told them in advance specifically what kind of job I was looking for. I told them I had AS. I told them everything. And they fired me for precisely all the things I told them and they brushed off as being unimportant.

What do I want out of this thread? Well I'm not entirely sure. A job would be great, although I've learned not to expect it. What would be even better than a job would be a referral to an NT who can be my partner and help me sell my software ( http://on.tapogee.com - watch the videos, sorry for the poor quality, I'm not an expert at video. ) Though I also am not expecting that for the same reason I'm not expecting a job.

I will however be very grateful for any advice you can give me.

I don't have the luxury of being out of work... and I can't really do the consulting / freelance thing... at least not for very long or very well... I generally end up just barely paying the rent and not paying any of my child support, and that's even in areas where the rent is less than half what I'm paying here in Boston. Maybe I could do the consulting thing long-term, but the only way I could see that working is if I managed to build a reputation for myself as a sort of "Sherlock Holmes", handling only the most challenging and unusual cases for very short periods of time. But I don't see marketing myself that way as being a quick or easy solution either...

thanks,

ike

Read this guy's web and see if you think you would like to ask him the questions you've asked here. He has been through a lot of what we experience in the job market.

http://johnrobison.com

[email protected]

Pops

Thanks Pops. :) I sent John an email.

I have found through many years of banging my head against the wall that many (if not most) people do not wish to have anyone tell them of a better way of doing things. They would instead prefer to continue doing things the same fashion even if will not work at all.

I think this is a combination of two factor. One is the fact that I have found the majority of the population is dead set against learning anything new. They will stop listening to someone telling them even the simplest concept. This may be partially due to the education system that basically leaches all enjoyment out of learning. After numerous years of this, the average joe has come to associate learning with an unpleasant experience. The other factor, is ego. People like to think (even if they know it not to be true) that they know the best manner of doing things. Anyone suggesting a differing course is either wrong or simply a know-it-all.

What I have learned in these situations, is not to tell people that what they are doing is wrong. Instead, simply create the solution yourself, and demonstrate results. The majority of people are not stone-set enough that they will ignore results in front of them.

BTW. And this is no criticism of you, one must be extremely careful when labeling themselves as a software engineer. In many places (such as the one I am in now), this implies that you are a professional engineer. There are legal ramifications to this, and substantial fines (and even jail time in extremes) involved. In fact, here in Alberta, the engineering association took on Microsoft in regards to their "Microsoft Certified Engineers", and actually won against the (evil) empire. In short, it is better not to call yourself an engineer unless you are a member of the appropriate engineering association.

Unfortunately in this last job, I had actually received negative marks on my review for attempting that ... so I was already in hot water for it. Although I've tried it at various times throughout my career because I've heard other people make that same comment and can't recall it having worked for me personally... not saying it doesn't work, I just haven't been able to make it work for me.



Thank you Cowboy. I wasn't aware of the legal implications.

I think Wikipedia has an article about this. If I recall correctly only Texas has the same rule about that as you do up in Canada.

I'm also self-taught but have actually seen a consulting client list me as a "Senior Software Engineer". Doesn't matter to me, my actual job title is "President"

well, you asked me from tribe, and here i am... mostly cuz you didn't come over to my place, so i thought about it and figured you were really hoping i'd come over here.
The answers to your questions and problems are long winded ones, and me spending time over here isn't helping me with
my own issues, which is creating content for my site. Esp since i am not allowed to post my own links until i have been here for five days and posted five times. (LAME)

So, I will briefly answer your question here and again ask you to come over to my place, because thats whats going to work better both to solve your problems and mine.



[quote]

I'm not exactly new here, but I've been away from WP for a while because I took a new job in Boston and got really busy with some programming projects...

My situation is truly impossible... I mean... by any measure of logic I know, no human being should be capable of getting into my situation.

[quote]
This is self destructive and self limiting thinking. You are in the position you are in and, you are not alone, probably hundreds of people share similar problems, esp if one broadens the scope to include those with other kinds of mental disabilites off the spectrum such as obsessive compulsives, anal retentives, and etc, bipolar, and etc.

You need to see your situation as both possible and resolvable, and quit making such strong affirmations to yourself
that the stuckness you feel is absolute. Its okay to feel stuck, but its not good for you to think that being stuck is itself
un resolvable or "impossible."


[quote]

I'm working. Santa Clause doesn't even keep the kind of hours I keep.

[quote]
I know how that is, i sleep, eat, bathe, and sit at the computer, but mostly just sit at the computer,
trying to make my little effort fly for the last three months.


[quote]

Even when it's painfully obvious to even a casual observer that keeping a good job and paying the child support would be VASTLY easier for me than going through all the jobs I've been through.

[quote]

So, you owe child support, you don't have it, they are threatening to put you in debtors prison over it, and the system
is corrupt and tragically unfair.
Lets try to keep this as simple as possible.


[quote]

What finally convinced them to fire me was that I pointed out that it's not really in the company's best interest to pay someone as much as they pay me to work on things that an intern can do.

[quote]
And, there we have it. NTs are nuts, and their society is an asylum of nits and halfwits. It all runs on pack psychology, not logic. So you have to understand pack psychology and the particular strain of illogic and groupthink you are getting involved in. Like a dysfunctional family, the fastest way to get disowned or hacked to bits is to point out that the family is dysfunctional to the primary dependent. As awful as it is, reality requires us to keep company with these chimps and pretend that they are both sane and intelligent. Your job isn't to help them to see what you see. Due to cognitive dissonance on their part, thats probably impossible. Your job is to be a good pack beta, and follow the pack alphas lead.
Fortunately for you, that means that the alpha gets eaten by the bear, while you run off.
Theres a certain kind of poetic justice in the comitragedy of NT pack psychology, what you have to do is be patient and wait for it.

If they want to pay Da Vinci to paint a white picket fence white, as long as the money is good, why argue? Yes its beneath you and your dignity, and yes, its a waste of their money, but telling them so can only be perceived by them as a confrontation to the pack hierarchy. Yes, they are crazy. No its not your job to fix them. Your job is to be a parasite along with all the other parasites and get the pay check that rewards you for not rocking the boat.



[quote]

I could be wrong, but the software industry is the only industry I know of where hiring managers seem to feel they need a high-paid expert to accomplish menial tasks.

[quote]
not at all true, what often happens is that they got screwed by having somebody underqualified in the past and figure over qualified won't hurt them. In your case, you just don't understand the nature of their insanity or how to play along, and
so it backfires. What you have to learn to do is smile, nod, and make believe. Its crazy and its not fair, but, thats reality as it is.



[quote]

If you want a coat of paint on your house, do you hire Bob Villa, just because he's an expert? It wasn't intended to be personal, but they took it personally, saying that I had come in and said "and now I'm going to tell you how to run your company"... Well... no that wasn't my intent.

[quote]
You and i both understand this. Understand that under that control and on top of it demeanor, most bosses are a quivering
jello of insecurities. Perhaps more weirdly, its demonstrably provable that in most cases the pack alpha is actually the dumbest guy in the pack, because he had to become skilled at manipulation and intimidation because he didn't have the brains for anything else. Given that he is the dumbest guy in the room, probably, your job is to pretend that hes as smart as anybody, and just do what he tells you to do, not offer insights that are probably both over his head and which also bring into question his judgement.

Again, NTs are insane. Its not your job to fix them or therapize them or fix their problems, just do what you are hired to do, and keep your systemic insights to yourself.



[quote]

I believed in the company and wanted to see everyone succeed and was merely pointing out that the most cost effective way to use an expert is to utilize expert-level skills instead of paying them expert salary to utilize novice skills. I had told them in advance specifically what kind of job I was looking for. I told them I had AS. I told them everything. And they fired me for precisely all the things I told them and they brushed off as being unimportant.

[quote]

The hardest part about being mentally gifted is that no matter where you go, you will see through groupthink and pack hierarchies and you will be able to spot mistakes and errors and really bad thinking- and you won't be able to do a thing about it. If you were hired as a consultant to fix the companies culture problems, then you'd have a means by which to apply and communicate such insights. Until that happens, you are not hired to think, you are hired to do.
That may seem bizzare- and thats because it is.
It is also counter intuitive, so its not your fault. But again, making sense of things requires you to understand pack psychology and adapt to being a good pack beta. Corporations are social parasites and labor is for the most part modelled
on creating individual parasites on the company. They just want you to get in and out and make your cash at their expense. Asking anything more of them is like asking an animal to play you a game of chess. It isn't going to happen,
and, if it happens to be the wrong kind of animal, your just going to get mauled.


You need two main things. The first is to develop your portfolio and resume, and the second is to learn the basics of pack psychology so that you can fake it.

dang. this board sucks cheese for putting things in quotes.

Unfortunately in this last job, I had actually received negative marks on my review for attempting that ... so I was already in hot water for it. Although I've tried it at various times throughout my career because I've heard other people make that same comment and can't recall it having worked for me personally... not saying it doesn't work, I just haven't been able to make it work for me.

Theres an interesting paradox which happens which is that sometimes in some situations you have to more or less stand up
to some inanity because it directly impacts your ability to do your own job. When this is true, the key is to remember to
stay focused only on the most relevant issues, and to problem solve only in your own immediate sphere.

The other thing is that not all corporate cultures are the same, and sometimes they will ask for input. The hard trick is determining when and if they really want it. Again, this is a pack psychology thing. If the boss asks for input but is a dominating and opressive person, wait and see if anybody else offers any real input. If they don't, then its a trap.

You can feel the difference between real collaboration and hierarchy if you stop and pay attention to the obvious clues.

So again what it comes down to is understanding pack psychology, and implementing your own methods to cope with it.

I'm an aspie IT consultant. My closest friend is NT. He's like my brother, and has otherworldly people skills. He's so charismatic that I swear he knows the Jedi mind trick. He's spent the last 10 years reprogramming me. It's gotten to the point where I can behave "correctly" in an NT world and avoid getting fired most times. I owe my success to him.

At one point 10 years ago, we found ourselves working at the same company. We were both making what we thought was a ridiculously high billing rate at the time for doing what we considered menial work. I was complaining about who knows what and talking about quitting (again). He said something to me that really hit home. He said that he would mow lawns with a pair of scissors for the rate we were getting. He also suggested that the income my family needed was far more important than whatever stupid crap was happening at work.

Before that, I had no problems quitting without having a new job lined up. I haven't done it since that conversation, although I've been fired a couple times.

What I took away from that event and things I've experienced since is that I think a lot of aspies live their lives like Don Quixote trying to change a world that we're powerless to change. Yes the world is stupid, filled with stupid people doing stupid things. It's irrational. Nothing makes sense. Yes, everything we say is right. But what would you rather have? Right? or a paycheck? Life is about 90% playing the game and 10% actual ability. If you don't play the game, you're fired. Whether you're right or not. And the reason you were fired was because you drew attention to the thing that you're right about, when the people who control your job didn't want that. You'd be amazed how destructive loud opinions are.

So again. Do you want to be right? or do you want to have a job?

People want to be around people who make them feel good. If you make your boss look (feel) bad, you're fired. Keep your opinions to yourself. Make decisions that are best for your life. Be secretive. Tell no one what you really think. In short, control yourself. Take their money for menial work. If you don't like your job, look for a new one. But it will be on your terms. You can take six months to find the perfect job while collecting a paycheck, then surprise them by leaving, instead of taking what you can get because the rent is due. If it gets stressful, find a good way to relieve the stress. Vent to someone outside of work. Or take up boxing. Anything. But you must craft a false image that you project to the people around you at work. This is vital to a successful career.

I'd recommend keeping your mouth shut and laughing all the way to the bank.

brian

Very succinct and to the point. My training was a bit different. My only friend in junior high and high school was a sexual predator and a sociopath. I didn't realize this at the time of course. But he taught me how to stalk women and I taught him
psychology according to books and it sort of went in circles.

Nowadays, I can pretend to be NT to get what I want. I couldn't when i was in junior high.

The question then, for people like me and you, is how to codify that understanding and retransmit it to others.

We have the basics here in summary, but its also a lot deeper than that. So to start for level two, what, specifically,
are coping skills which you learned which enabled you to pretend to be NT in a work environment?

Instead of trying to just implement your ideas, I'd suggest examining how you suggest new ideas. I'm not trying to make assumptions about how you've handled the situation in the past, I'm just going by how I used to do things.

Consider this conversation:

Them: I think we should (obviously idiotic idea), it will produce great things.
You: That's ridiculous. Here's a five point analysis proving that idea wont work...


If you do this, the other person will instantly become defensive, even if their defense is ridiculous. They'll fight you to avoid appearing wrong.

Now consider this alternative conversation:

Them: I think we should (obviously idiotic idea), it will produce great things.
You: That's an interesting idea. We can do that, but I think we should also (a step to avoid problems caused by their idea), then we should (the thing they should ime.really be doing)


My first reaction to this would be that we would be creating a system full of useless unnecessary crap. And that would be true. But I found that most of the time, the useless crap gets identified and removed at some point in the future, often by the guy with the stupid idea. You did your job. You removed the problem. Clueless people will like you and not know why. Sharp people will realize that you handled the situation perfectly and like (and trust) you because of it.




I think this is a canadian thing. I use the title software engineer all the time.

brian

Hi, interesting topic to read since I am in IT to, but to help TS is a bit more difficult.

One thing I noticed that in the beginning you are appreciated when you work long hours and make big problems go away... but now I am getting more experienced and having more responsibilities I find that working a lot of hours is not working; sometimes I think it is even non productive. I am thinking about cutting a few hours of my work week to get less stressed on the job. Making full hours and working intensively is not a good combination. Maybe you are experiencing a similar thing?

my experience with long hours is that ones life evaporates and your boss comes to expect it from you rather than appreciate it.

For this reason, I only work long hours on rare occasions if theres a situation in particular that calls for it.

otherwise...

Of course, right now i'm trying to work for my self- and the long hours are just part of the whole thing...