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Social Functions At Work

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drowbot0181
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17 Dec 2008, 12:16 pm

I work in an office environment and every so often, the boss will take everybody out to lunch. I absolutely dread this every time it comes around. I don't like eating in social settings. I actually can't. My anxiety skyrockets, my stomach ties itself in knots, and I can't really eat because doing so makes me nauseous in those situations.
There is also the added problem of food that I don't like. I don't know if this is an Aspie trait, but I have seen it discussed on here before. I like very simple foods. And I like those few foods in very specific ways. I like tacos, for example. But I like them only with ground beef, not shredded beef or chicken or fish, etc. I don't like sour cream, guacamole, or black olives. I don't like onions or any other fancy "surprises" in the beef. And the reason I mention tacos is because today I have to go on one of these pointless outings for lunch and they are going to some "authentic" Mexican restaurant where they cook the meat with little onions and chiles and crack in it and by default smother everything in white or green goo (I looked up the place online).
What should I do? I hate going to these things but if I've used up all of the lame excuses I can think of. And if I just say I don't want to, they act like I am some kind of a**hole. They already act like I'm some kind of a**hole because I don't ever talk.
Why must people mix work and social life? I don't get it. Is it just me?



Nan
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17 Dec 2008, 1:12 pm

Duplicate post, sorry



Last edited by Nan on 17 Dec 2008, 1:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Nan
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17 Dec 2008, 1:13 pm

No, it happens all the time to me, too. I've gotten to where I politely decline, saying I have a restricted diet. I also mentioned that I have trouble hearing people in crowded, noisy restaurants, so it's not a pleasant thing for me to go there. My current boss has been quite understanding. My last one was clueless and took it personally.



drowbot0181
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17 Dec 2008, 2:00 pm

Nan wrote:
No, it happens all the time to me, too. I've gotten to where I politely decline, saying I have a restricted diet. I also mentioned that I have trouble hearing people in crowded, noisy restaurants, so it's not a pleasant thing for me to go there. My current boss has been quite understanding. My last one was clueless and took it personally.


I think everybody has taken it personally the few times I have declined. But I'm not good at reading people, so I don't really know.



Nan
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17 Dec 2008, 2:12 pm

drowbot0181 wrote:
Nan wrote:
No, it happens all the time to me, too. I've gotten to where I politely decline, saying I have a restricted diet. I also mentioned that I have trouble hearing people in crowded, noisy restaurants, so it's not a pleasant thing for me to go there. My current boss has been quite understanding. My last one was clueless and took it personally.


I think everybody has taken it personally the few times I have declined. But I'm not good at reading people, so I don't really know.


You know, as long as you've been polite about it (something like "Thank you for thinking of me! That's so nice of you, but I am on a restricted diet and so going to these kinds of things just isn't very pleasant for me."), there's not a lot else you can do. A lot of communication is what the person hearing it wants to read into it, and you cannot control that. You can try to do as much "damage control" by eliminating ambiguity and any personal "stuff" in what you say, but ultimately all you can do is tell the truth and let those on the receiving end deal with it.



Stereokid
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17 Dec 2008, 2:23 pm

If my boss asked me out to lunch, I would be flattered.



drowbot0181
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17 Dec 2008, 2:26 pm

Stereokid wrote:
If my boss asked me out to lunch, I would be flattered.

I'm not really being "asked out" to lunch, it's a group thing and everybody is just expected to go.
On a side note, I actually hate flattery and praise, it makes me uncomfortable and I don't like having attention drawn to me. But I know I'm kind of weird there.



Icheb
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17 Dec 2008, 3:02 pm

drowbot0181 wrote:
Stereokid wrote:
If my boss asked me out to lunch, I would be flattered.

I'm not really being "asked out" to lunch, it's a group thing and everybody is just expected to go.
On a side note, I actually hate flattery and praise, it makes me uncomfortable and I don't like having attention drawn to me. But I know I'm kind of weird there.

No, not at all, many of us feel uncomfortable about being praised, especially when we feel we haven't done anything out of the ordinary. And I dislike company lunches too, partly because I have a delicate stomach, and partly because I don't enjoy socializing. I've overcome the nervousness by accepting that it comes with the territory, though - I'm being paid not just to do my job but to socialize, so I see it as a task that has to be done.


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Maddkow
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17 Dec 2008, 3:56 pm

yea, for the time being while i'm in college, i have this part time job at the moment working at a video store... when it gets busy i start to get a nervous and such (working the opening shift too means i'm by myself for 8 hours, so i try to not get that shift). i understand my job right now is good in a sense to get social skills developing, but i really hate it. it's way too much of a stress on me. i wish i could find some part-time job where i could sit somewhere quietly or so and where i can not have to worry about customers who expect me to be nice to them while they can be rude and pushy.



drowbot0181
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17 Dec 2008, 4:07 pm

Maddkow wrote:
yea, for the time being while i'm in college, i have this part time job at the moment working at a video store... when it gets busy i start to get a nervous and such (working the opening shift too means i'm by myself for 8 hours, so i try to not get that shift). i understand my job right now is good in a sense to get social skills developing, but i really hate it. it's way too much of a stress on me. i wish i could find some part-time job where i could sit somewhere quietly or so and where i can not have to worry about customers who expect me to be nice to them while they can be rude and pushy.

I worked tech support/customer service in call centers for a few years and it was a nightmare. I guess I got some social skills out of it but I think in the long run it made my anxiety even worse. I actually had a complete nervous breakdown at the last one I ever worked. After that I swore I would never work a job like that again. I never answer my phone at my current job, but the only time it rings is when somebody dialed the wrong number, so it works out okay.



Nan
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17 Dec 2008, 4:40 pm

too bad you can't find a job in a library. at least it's quiet in there!



drowbot0181
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17 Dec 2008, 4:42 pm

Nan wrote:
too bad you can't find a job in a library. at least it's quiet in there!

I would jump on the chance if it paid what I get now. lol



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20 Dec 2008, 4:59 pm

Be brave. When they ask you just tell them that you don't like Mexican food. If it makes you feel any better I don't like a lot of the foreign food either and I'd much rather sit down to burger and fries (with a vanilla slice for afters).

VS



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22 Dec 2008, 11:17 pm

I don't mind too much if it's just my immediate boss and 3 other co-workers - they're all pretty used to me and my "quirks" about eating. I can usually find something on any menu that I'll eat, although I always have to special order (i.e. no cheese, onions, etc.).

I really hate it when it's anyone else. That's when my anxiety shoots through the roof and I have a harder time eating (I have a hard time eating anything to begin with), which escalates the anxiety and it all starts spiralling out of control.