It's that horrible time of year again.

Post Reply New Topic

It's Annual Review time again.

I absolutely despise these things. They're all so much gibberish, with little to no relation to my actual job or job performance. I'm so sick of stupid management fads that have replaced thinking and observation; and the idea that a few lines of text on a Word document accurately sums up everything I've been doing for the past year, and how I'm going to do next year.

I cannot get through one of these things without a huge panic attack, and a whole lot of help. At one point I had figured out the right sort of nonsense to spew; but I'm no longer working for that company, and have no idea what trendy buzzwords my current manager wants to see. Hell, I can't even understand half the questions, since they're all gibberish in plain English. The worst part is that the bloody "personal evaluation form" is due by the end of the week, and I haven't even started it yet.

Sorry for the rant. I'm not expecting anything useful, just needed to vent somewhere where people would be likely to understand what I'm talking about.

I get annual reviews, and they are boring. All I want to know is, am I moving up in my base pay? I am meeting all the stats for the level above mine all this year so I guess I will.
I don't care what my 'title' is, just give me the raise and will continue to churn it out for you.

Merle

Totally agree - welcome to my poxy world
I don't do management-speak, so I have to depend on a couple of bosses (why do I have to have more than one boss anyway?) to suggest the right BS...."I ensure this," "I ensure that." Phooey! I tried to put "I try to ensure" but they said that wouldn't cut it.

I think it's all a trap - talk yourself up, and they'll hold you to your claims. Fail to talk yourself up, and they won't pay you so much. I've long since given up any ambitions of going up the pay spine, its just not worth the hassle....I get nervous about having a job description that's so far beyond my real abilities that they might sack me for it.

Then there's the appraisals.....complete with their automatic assumption that there's room for improvement and that change is always a Good Thing........BAH!! !!

Well, no one gets raises or bonuses this year. Not the peons, not the managers, not the execs. Which means there is less reason for this nonsense.

I did set up a meeting with my manager for tomorrow to go over the bits that are complete gibberish to me. In past jobs I've managed to pick up on the right keywords, and come up with convincing-sounding BS; but I haven't been here long enough to do that. I'm tempted to just go with "Proactive Untwister of Octagonal Hippopotamus Pants", since it's no more unintelligible than the stuff they gave me; but that doesn't have the right buzzwords.

omg! that's in my JOB DESCRIPTION!





(just kiddin' but couldn't resist!)

Merle

What you two blatantly fail to appreciate is that the phrase signally fails to make plain whether it is the hippopotamus, or its pants, or both, which are octagonal. No, just kidding.......I think the phrase will do fine, but you need to add something containing the words "empower," "ensure," and "roll out." Oh, and when you've drafted it, don't forget to print it off. Just printing it isn't enough these days. And sign it off as well, for the same reason. We used to get by without offing in the old days, lucky there were no accidents as a result.

What makes me mad is the way they implicitly justify unfair pay differentials, at least in my workplace. To "fairly" decide what to pay, they ignore working hours (which are standard on paper but vary widely in practice) and they ignore how hard or effectively anybody's working. Those things are not their concern. They determine your pay from a fantastic new concept known as the "size" of your job - so if you use an expensive piece of equipment, or the value of expensive consumables going through your hands is high, then your job is big, and you get more money. Of course, catch 22 is that you have almost no control over what stuff your bosses will get you working with. I was toying with the idea of asking them to pay the toilet cleaner a top salary, as he deals with "big jobs" all the time - the toilets don't always flush properly, you see.

Hrm...

That may be an act of self-preservation on the part of the company. Less likelihood of the expensive gear getting broken, or the expensive consumables "wandering off".

You mean....they think the highly-paid have fewer accidents and are more honest than the rest of us? (laughs hysterically)