Not knowing who to talk to or what to say...

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This could go in a couple different sub forums, but it's most directly work related.

Lately I've run into a problem at work, that's been a recurring issue at other jobs... I tend to not talk to or inform bosses of things... and the general structure of the work environment leaves me baffled. And the big issue is I'm supposed to ask questions but I don't know what to ask, much less who to ask.

At my current job, I'm unaware of who my bosses are. The place seems like there isn't much structure, until I do something wrong... and then suddenly there is a whole hierarchy that I'm unaware of. There has been a lot of down time at work, and they moved the offices far away, so I decided to work on fridays for 8 hours until it picks up and eventually my job will require vpn access. I told someone about this, and they said it was a good idea.

Unfortunately I didn't inform the right people, and I am in a bit of trouble. It wasn't clear who I was supposed to talk to, the boss I'm supposed to inform hasn't been told to me. The person I setup hours with initially was away, and the person who seems to be running things in the interim I did inform. So I guess this guy higher up I'm really supposed to inform, but I barely even deal with him.

This happened at my very first job. It was a job bagging groceries. The first day I worked I was personally asked if I wanted to take a break, so I thought I was the one who decided when I could take my break. The next day, after a bit of working I told the cashier I was going on my break. A little bit later I got a stern talking to by my manager, I guess I wasn't the one who decided when to take my break. I guess this was a common sense thing, but it didn't occur to me that way.

It's all these common sense hierarchy things that are tricky.

When problems come up it's always my fault... but at the time it doesn't seem like I'm doing anything wrong. Especially the case when I'm supposed to ask questions and advocate things for myself, it doesn't come up in my mind to ask the questions I'm supposed to ask and I don't know who to ask.

I hate all of this, because most of the time I feel so high functioning... like I get how communication works and can handle everything on my own. But now it feels like I don't have a clue, and no one can help me because this is stuff everyone is supposed to know. And i start to believe that I can't get anywhere in life without assistance, but no one can help me because I'm capable on the outside...

this is more of a rant... but eh...if you have comments I'd like to hear em...

At other jobs, and especially when I was in the Army, I had the same problem, at least for a while. The Army, as you might know, is very structured and has a huge formal and informal hierarchy. I had an easier time with all of the definite ranks, but there is also a huge unspoken structure of who ranks over whom. It took me a while to figure the whole social scheme out.

When I was in the Army, I would unknowingly circumvent the chain of command I and I wound up telling the Captain of the unit that my boots were too small. I of course received a serious haranguing and I was told that I had to bother the Drill Sergeants with such small matters. I was unaware that I had to let the smaller bosses deal with small problems and the big bosses would deal with the larger issues. Anyway, I was always getting in trouble for going to the wrong person with various problems. Also, I would never know who to show proper respect to for a while and how I should show it(wether I should stand at-ease or at attention.)

At civilian jobs, I would be unaware that someone was a boss or that he was my superior.

That's curious about the military. I have a bunch of friends and family in the military, and it always goes through my head about how I would handle it. At times I think I would like structure, since it's a system that you could follow... but with all the unwritten rules and slowness in understanding the overall system I would be in trouble I think.

I'm so much better at informal jobs/small companies. It's weird sometimes, when things automatically switch to formal... like during performance reviews and whatnot.... but overall I prefer it so much. Knowing that you have one boss... the owner... and everyone else is basically equal is great.

I keep on butting up to the issue of advocacy, in most significant stages of my life... I have always gotten help that I've been unaware of. And people get upset because they keep on helping me... but I'm blissfully unaware of getting help. It seems that certain people are even drawn to helping me. Until it comes up that I have to help myself, and I'm completely confused as to who to ask or what to ask for... or even that I need help in the first place. It seems to get the best out of my strengths, I need someone to help me realize all these other things I'm weak at.

I usually have the attitude of not really caring about the things others get worked up about , which helps in a way... since I just do what I want and get things done... until problems come up and I am not even aware of the problems... since I wasn't spending my time getting riled up over the things others were getting riled up over. Like impressing bosses, or worrying about money, status, prestige...

Most of the time, being in the military feels like there is too much structure. In reality, there is no real routine to get settled into, especially now with all of the deployments. Officers are always changing rules and hard-times arbitrarily, and compliance is mandatory. Most of your co-soldiers are typically NTs with boorish interests, and you have to spend all of your time with them. It is tough to always be on your guard for officers and show everyone the proper respect. When you get to your unit you spend most of the work-day working on vehicles or cleaning weapons, so if you are not mechanically inclined it can suck. You spend alot of your time "processing," that is, waiting in lines to get paperwork done and you spend all of your day on someone else's watch. You are always in a group and are never alone. It gets to be annoying because you feel like you spend all day doing stupid stuff just to please someone else. There is a huge emphasis on teamwork so it wouldn't be a good place for a socially stunted person.

Deploying is really stressful as well, for obvious reasons. Deploying is basically all of the above problems x5.

As far as I am concerned, the less formal, the better. I know what you mean about advocacy. I always felt like co-workers and bosses officiously and unwantedly would offer "help" and then would get mad at me when I told them that I didn't need their advice. I have had alot of people who wanted to "mentor" me but the problem was that I didn't want to be "Mentored." I have had about 40 coaches and sergeants and whatnot who said, "I am going to be the one to change him." However, I do not want to change. I really never want people's help but it is a natural instinct of NTs to interfere and offer help. Perhaps you and I come off as helpless individuals who clearly need assistance. My mom always told me that I always look, "Lost in the sauce."

I know what you mean about not knowing who to ask for help when you need it. NTs seem to immediately understand both the informal and formal hierarchy. They understand that even if two employees technically rank the same, the one that has been there for the longer amount of time is senior. Some employees have the role of a boss even though they are not actually a boss. The hard part about work is willingly going "above and beyond," since people with AS like myself probably don't care about money, promotion, or pleasing people.

My problem is that whenever I am at a job, I usually hate what I am doing and the people I am with to the point where I can't function. All I do to stay sane is watch the clock and think about how soon the day will be over so I can get some privacy. I always look like I hate being there and I am bored and hate what I am doing. I know what you mean about that 1000 yard empty stare and just that miserable feeling.

It is hard to get acclimated to a job; I would always just get fired after a couple months. I would always get those @$$hole coworkers who would always make the work environment so miserable that I would have to quit or the boss would fire me out of mercy. What would happen is that my coworkers at a new job would be nice to me for the first week or so. However, once they picked up on the fact that I was different they would tease me mercifully or take advantage of me in various ways. I would find crap like "Ivan is gay" in the bathrooms and whatnot. Of course, these were little 19 year old pieces of s**t who were just out of highschool and their main joy in life was to torment and persecute people who were different than them. I worked at a garage cleaning up one summer and these crude boys who worked there went out of their way to make things miserable on me. Out of pity, the boss fired me(even though I was doing a decent job with the actual work,) and I was unemployed for about six months until I joined the Army out of desperation. The point is that I don't get along well with the brutish, plebian NT boys who only care about cars and tattoos. All it takes is that one bad coworker to drive you out.