A question to parents?

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My dad is really concerned about me going to college to live in a dorm. I'm his last child, and I have aspergers. He tells me that I need to show him how to be independent, but he doesn't clarify on it. I'm going to college as a minor. I'm worried he will refuse to let me attend college. He can technically keep me at home against my will due to my age.

I want to prove I'm independent and calm his fears. If your child was going to college as a minor and had AS, what would you want to see? What behaviors define "independence"?

It's great you want to go to college!
But I also understand your Dad - parents worry, and I sure will when my kids get to your age!

Things you have to learn when you go to college:
how to organize/prioritize your time and get homework done
how to pay the bills/make your money last
making new friends and networks / social rules
staying out of trouble
how to cook and clean
ect. ect.

Can't you find a way of going to college that your father will be ok with - so you have a network around you to help you out if you find yourself in a situation that is hard to deal with/organize?
I'm not from the U.S.A., but I heard of an organization called CIP (College Internship Program) in California, which was started by an Aspie called Michael McManmon for Aspies going to college. It sounds really cool, and I would be very secure as a parent if my son was part of a program like that.
Over here in Scandinavia programs/college is free, and I know you have to pay for that stuff in the U.S.A., it may be very expensive!
But you could look them up and see if they have any good advice - they have probably have spoken to a lot of kids in your situation.

BTW do you want do physics?

Maybe a part-time job? Are you old enough to drive? If so, do you have your license and are you a safe an responsible driver?

You could propose a trial semester at your local community college. I dont know what major you are going for, but most majors have useless fluff classes. For example, my major was engineering, but I still had to take literature and art classes. These useless classes can be taken at your local community college for much cheaper (and often easier). Then the classes would transfer when you attend your college of choice for your desired major.

If you finish a semester at community college without any major assistance from your parents it should show that you have maturity enough to plan your own time, and make sure assignments get done when they need to be done.

You could also agree to make dinners twice a week or something. Your parents give you some cash, you go buy the groceries, then cook up the meals.

I would also show your maturity by refraining from juvenile actions such as going out to parties and smoking/getting high/drinking/etc. If your like me and have absolutely no desire whatsoever to engage in a party then it shouldn't be a problem.

I attended college at 17 too, and I managed to pull it off, so I dont doubt that it is possible. Overall, what you need to do in order to demonstrate your independence depends on what your father wants to see. If he is reasonable, then a good conversation coming to a compromise would be your best course of action. If he isnt much for reason, then as the saying goes, 'you cant reason somebody out of an opinion that they haven't reasoned themselves into.'

It's difficult for us to know exactly what worries your father, since it can vary child to child, but here are some possibilities, and what you might do about them.

1) Personal habits. Make sure you do all the normal hygiene items well and without prompting.
2) Safety issues. Make sure you are diligent about the safety practices your parents want you to follow (remembering to make phone calls, lock doors, turn off stoves, etc.)
3) Emotional independence. Are you capable of averting your own meltdowns and mitigating emotional issues without help from your parents?
4) Boundaries. Are you able to stick to the boundaries your parents have tried to teach you? My son, much younger than you, for instance, doesn't hear it when people tell him he's in their space, hugging too hard, or touching uncomfortably. Not to mention any non-verbal social cues. Have you learned to tune into these things and react accordingly?
5) Naivity. Ah, the most difficult to address, if it is an issue. The gift and burden of AS - that innocence that doesn't allow you to accurately asses when someone is pulling your leg, setting you up, or taking advantage of you.

I think taking a few community college courses first and living at home would be a great option. See how you handle the workload and the responsibilities of part time work, taking care of your things (laundry, meals, etc.)

Should you decide to go away definitely opt if you can for something near by so that on weekends you have a safe haven to return to, home. This can be enormously beneficial for you, the first year away for everyone, regardless of their being AS or NT is just a hard adjustment to make. Good luck. Know your Dad loves and cares about you, keep that in mind!

I can handle college level work. I don't think he's worried about the academics. A lot of people have told me to try community college, but I refuse to go to one. I want to have a University experience and learn independence. Community college just confines me to my town and home.

I'm going to talk with my dad. Thanks everyone for giving me some ideas. I know a little bit more about how to approach this.

Dont dismiss community colleges so quickly.

The reason all those people suggest them is because they have been though college, and know what they are talking about. I would agree that going to a university for your major and learning independence is a good idea, but there is nothing wrong with getting your required starter classes done cheaply at a community college. I myself attended community college for 1 semester while I was still in high school. My high school didnt have calculus 2, so I had to go to college for it.

Overall, the best advice I can give you is not to rush things. I know everybody today is all about getting things done quicker and packing more things into your schedule. But you may overload yourself by taking full time college courses and starting independence at the same time. Unless your situation at home is bad, I wouldnt recommend rushing yourself just for the sake of rushing. College is supposed to teach you many things. Not only academically, but also about humanity, and you cant learn about that if your a nervous wreck. While transitioning into adulthood you learn many things. If you try to rush this, and wind up giving yourself anxiety then your missing half the point of college.

You know yourself better then I do, so obviously you are the better one to make the final decision. But be aware that being patient, and proceeding at the pace that is right for you will yield much better results then trying to rush things and giving yourself anxiety and stress.

don't know where you are, or if you've ever heard of this, but there's a college in VT that has programming for people with executive functioning disorders...........it's called Landmark Academy. it has a 6 month bridge program that is supposed to help teach you the skills necessary to be able to function at a "regular college".....Landmark also offers, i believe, an associates degree.

I found out more about the CIP program, and they have it at UC Berkley. It was one of the schools I applied to, but I have only a 1 in 10 chance of being accepted. They have resources to help students with learning disabilities thrive in college.

Keep us filled in... I'm interested to know what you and your parents work out and what you decide to do.

most colleges these days have a disability resource center. some are far better than others. perhaps researching schools in your area that have good resources is something you need to do..........you can also ask your guidance counselor for help. they should have a database of schools that are "disability friendly"- my son's school has a large encyclopedic volume of schools that are supportive of those with just about any learning disability you could imagine...........i'm not saying you have a learning disability- just that the sorts of schools that have help for people with LD could possibly be a good match for someone with AS. As it turns out, the junior college that my hubby went to ( hubby has AS) is in the encyclopedia my son's school has. hubby has fond memories of college & even went on to finish his bachelors at a more traditional state college.

We had my daughter go to community college for two and a half years. It's not only a LOT cheaper than a four-year school, it's much smaller, she could live at home, and thus the transition from high school to higher ed wasn't as stressful. (She isn't at all good with new people/ situations/ surroundings, although she is improving in those areas with more experience.) We've found that, over the years, what works for her is incremental change. Massive change - if she'd accepted a scholarship to a school in another state where she didn't know anyone or have anything familiar - would most likely have been a disaster all around and stressful beyond any reasonable limit for no particularly good reason.

As it is, she graduated with her AA and over a 3.5 GPA in a foreign language, passed the basic translator credential at that foreign embassy's testing program, got work experience (and confidence) and references through the college work-study program while going to school, and is now working professionally and saving up money to finish her 4-year degree at a later date. She owes no student loans and is doing pretty well at her job.

There's always more than one way to get through university, if that's what you really want to do. Don't fall into the trap of "you have to go right after you graduate from high school." I've seen so many kids do that and then, when they have their diploma in hand, realize it's in the wrong field or that they're up to their eyeballs in debt for a degree that won't get them the cost of a cup of coffee. Make sure it's what you really want to do, and then find a way to tailor the experience to what you need.

On the "independence" thing - if your father can't tell you what he means, he could be trying to tell you that he doesn't think you can quite handle the self-discipline part of it all. Have you asked him point-blank to define exactly what his concerns are? Is he afraid you won't get to class on time on your own? Can you manage your time well - get your studies and any outside obligations done on your own, without someone there to make sure you do them? Any chance you can get a job and help pay for your education? With what it costs to go to a 4 year school, it could be that it's going to be a massive hit on your parent's finances and that they're not willing to gamble that kind of money without a strong sense that you'll be successful. You might do as my daughter did - go to community college and have a part time job at the same time, and do well at both. That would prove you can be responsible....

If you really like to go to Cal and don't get admitted, I'd recommend going to a community college or a CSU school, working you butt off to get as close to 4.0 gpa as you can get, then transfer after your 2nd year. I couldn't get into a UC school out of HS and did that route and got my degree from Cal. You aren't missing much in the first 2 years anyway as at Cal many undergrad courses are taught by grad students - you don't get to interact with the professor - and what you learn is really dependent on how much effort you put into it anyway.

I'd also recommend getting a part-time job and try to move into an apartment. Learn to manage your own finances and to budget your time while in the low stress environment of a community college. Dorms coddle you as they provide meals and sometimes even have a cleaning service. Furthermore, they can be hell on someone with AS because the noise can be horrible and people are generally drunk and rude (in that they don't care that blasting their stereo at 3am is going to hurt your performance at your 8am physics mid-term exam).