NT parent's obsession

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I am totally obsessed with researching about my children's disorders. I have been researching daily for three years. I would estimate thousands of hours of research. I often research while I am at work and put off my work to research. I can't count how many articles I have read where a word in it lead me to search another word and research more articles.

It is at the point where I believe I have about all the information I possibly can about both children's disorders. One is stable, for the other I have a firm plan in place, know what to do and what to expect. I should not be researching anymore, yet I continue.

Does anyone else have this obesession? How do I stop? I have been trying to put things in perspective and convince myself that I have to get back to somewhat of a normal life. I am completely isolated because of my obsession of helping my children. Granted, if I had not researched so much, it might be many more years before we received proper treatment and diagnosis, but now it is not necessary.

I have completely neglected myself, my health, my looks, everything. There was a period where neglecting myself was necessary because my son was so unstable, but now, there is no reason. Yes, I am still in a situation where we have a ridiculous amount of doctor/therapy/testing appointments, where all my money goes towards medical expenses, but things are stable and I am no longer searching for answers or treatment.

Since all I want to talk about is all the acronyms in my children's lives, their doctors appointments, and medical talk that no one can understand, I really don't have many relationships of value left. For some reason it doesn't bother me, but there will be a point, maybe, when I do want these normal relationships.

Advice? Can you relate?

I can definitely relate, I've done this with various subjects over the years in relation to my children and also other things that came up healthwise for myself and other family members.
For me, it all tends to come down to balance.
You might want to revisit some of the things you once found interesting or enjoyed doing now that the demands on your time and energy aren't quite so great as they were.
You can also restrict yourself in the area of research - no research allowed while at work, only allow yourself to research once weekly for a specified period of time to see if there is anything new or different (or once monthly), set a timer and walk away when it goes off; you can always save an interesting looking site as a favorite so you can go back to it next time.
I've found that looking after my health made a big difference in a lot of areas. I started walking on a treadmill for 15 minutes a day, gradually increased the time and intensity until presently I am walking for an hour every day at a quite brisk pace. Doing this made me start paying more attention to my appearance as I felt better in clothes and had more energy. I also have a Kindle and I've downloaded quite a variety of books (most free) onto it. I put the Kindle on the treadmill as I walk and I've read quite a variety of books each day for that hour, this gives me more to talk about when I am with others and the walking goes that much faster when I'm into a good book. I put on music that I enjoy and it's a wonderful time of refreshing for me to help with all the other aspects of my day.
Good luck.

I don't research obsessively, I post obsessively. Maybe it's an escape from the realities of what we live with; a way of stealing "me" time under the cover of helping our kids or helping someone else's kids. Or maybe it's just a plain old fashioned addiction. We don't gamble, we don't drink ... we go on our computers.

One thing that helps is getting out of the glue-stuck house. Which can be hard to do with AS kids, but WE need to do it. WE can't get caught in the whirlpool. Sucks us in and makes everything worse.

The one good thing about going to my MIL's for this upcoming week is I cannot bring my computer. Breaks like that always help slow me down on the overdone posting thing.

I just can't seem to get back to my normal now that things are 'normal'. Exercise is a major issues. I used to exercise 45 minutes, 7 days a week. That is a bit much for my schedule now, but I think websister has a good idea about doing 15 minutes. I can do 15 minutes on almost any day. That is a good start, good way to distract myself and get at least started on my schedule and getting healthy again. I haven't had luck in setting time limits, no researching at work, etc...but I will try again. Maybe I just need to hear someone else say it, since I am so isolated.

DW - I am a member of every Yahoo group related to my sons' disorders. Combined, I do post a decent amount. Reading the posts also triggers research. I am glad you post a lot though...lol, not to feed into it for you.

I'm sorry I find your post a bit funny, it just sounds so much like a special interest. I always feel lost after I lose an interest, but in my case I eventually get a new one or the old one comes back.

Yeah, I do have some issues with being obesessed with my newest interest, always have. It usually only lasts a year at most, then I just naturally move on to a new one. People call me 'goal oriented' but they don't realize how exhausting it is because I just can't stop while it is an interest, until it naturally just fades out. Maybe I have issues.

I think that obsessive research is an important part of the parenting journey. But there is also a time to let it go and just be with our kids.

At first, we need to understand the differentness, uncover some coping strategies for ourselves, determine how to best support our children. But then what? Your research time takes away from your time for yourself and your children. Our children really need us to be present and love them as they are. I know this can be hard. Presence is hard for me since I love to escape into the cyberworld or a good book.

Do you WANT to stop researching? What do you want for yourself and your children?

If you're concerned that it's an issue for you and you're unhappy about it, start making little changes.

You mentioned you used to exercise. I did too. It's harder for me now because I don't have a lot of quiet time (my son is only out of the house when I am working) but when I have a better schedule for him again I can't wait to get back to it. It made a giant difference for me. I miss my treadmill.

You could start really simple. Force yourself to pull away from the PC and work out for 15 minutes a few days a week. But really do it and don't make excuses. That was the hardest part of getting into exercise for me was forcing myself to stop waiting another 5 minutes until I was out of time.

Starting small makes it a lot easier to break habits. And exercise is really wonderful for lifting your mood and boosting your immune system.

Any time you're dealing with a loved one who has a life altering issue (whatever the kind) I think it's natural to research to see what you can do to improve things. With AS I think it's harder to get away from because there's so much new information coming out regularly. I don't research a lot because I really have very little faith in current understanding of AS. I really think they have it all wrong in many ways.

I can also relate to this. I was thinking I'm going on wrong planet too much, every night without exception, it seems excessive. I suppose it's because my daughters behaviours stress me out a good bit and it's like a comfort zone, a place to go where people will relate. I'm also reading, (at the same time) 3 seperate books, 2 by Temple Grandin and some other one I got out the library, on asd, and so many of my thoughts during the day while she is at school centre around aspergers and my concerns about her. This is not healthy!
I definitely need to get more going in my own life, like I love doing mosaic, thats slipped now for a while, I keep meaning to join a meditation class, to help my stress levels, and what about my philosophy that life is to be lived, get out there and live it? Follow your dreams etc! Yet plonked on the sofa most nights in front of the lap top definitely not following my dreams. So, yes, good to have a wake up call.

I totally obsess! I figure that I am AS enough to focus on special interests and have social "issues", but probably not enough to be diagnosed. Who knows if I would have at some point. My obsession always has to do with research, but the topic switches pretty much annually.

I don't find it that odd to be in hyper-researching mode, but it's something I enjoy doing anyway. I should have been a resource librarian (and you too, it sounds like haha!) I've done a good bit of research on my own child as well, originally to find out just what was "going on" and later to read up more on ASD once I knew she was most likely in the spectrum. At the same time, I have a rare genetic disease and I also research information on anything related to that, too.

It's not weird. It's being informed I say. In the case of my disease (hereditary amyloidosis), it's so rare that if I want to have decent medical care, I absolutely must know more about it than the doctors-- because I'll probably be the only person they'll ever meet who has it.

I think it's the same with our kids in the spectrum, too, though. Even though it's more common, it's highly misunderstood and there's a TON of garbage information out there, so it's downright necessary to go through and filter the information and come up with a good notion of what's going on and how we should handle things.

If we *don't* know our stuff, then we can't be adequate advocates for our kids. I'm not about to just go by what a clinician or teacher says, or even a doctor for that matter. I think at least on some level we need to have a good grounding and understanding of our kids in order to help them.

At the same time, if it's all you can think about to the point where you've lost interest in anything else, then yep, you've gone over to the dark side. We all need to play our video games/read our books/work on our arts and crafts/etc, too. If you think this is eating your head up too much, try seeing about taking a class in something random at a community center-- it might provide a break in a constant stream of one subject (I'm going to say take an art class or join a book club, but that's my preference)

It's funny that you posted this, because just today, I was thinking that I definitely have an obsessive personality. I was thinking about things in the past that I have obsessed on. I have been obsessed with ASD for the last 5 yrs, but I agree with Ms.Lee, we have to know what we are dealing with to get into our children's minds to help them. I don't think I have AS, because I am way too social, and have no problem communicating. But, I think my son may have gotten the obsessive component from me LOL!! !!

Anyway, at least you are realizing this, and just try to take some baby steps to get your life back to "normal" I have always been a very social person, but ever since my son's diagnosis, I do feel myself sometimes starting to isolate myself. I am a stay at home mom too, so in some ways I do miss that daily social interaction. But, I have been consciously doing things like volunteering at church and school, and doing other little projects just to keep myself from falling into depression.

I think taking care of your health and appearance would be a good place to start. We all have to realize that we have to have a life too!!

To me, the most important thing you said is that you neglect important things in your life so you can do more research. I'm not trained in psychology, but that sounds like a compulsion and something you may need help to modify.