My HFA Son ALWAYS wears the SAME THING?

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I was just thinking about the mindset that might lead to the type of thinking that I posted about above, and I think it works something like this:

When you dress, you think causatively: this outfit makes me look good, this outfit makes me look OK. I'm on the other side of this equation, but I can only assume from observation that this is what happens when somebody else looks in the mirror.

So, when I dress, I think about correlative information: how do people react when I wear this? What happens? I've learned as an adult that lots of positive feedback is as big an indicator of a bad choice (people are often really patronizing when you look stupid) as negative reactions (like secret pointing and smirking, yes, it's happened.) My husband is the only person I know who will tell me to go change my clothes, and I often can't trust his judgement when I'm going to an all-girl event because he doesn't have the correct social perspective.

I have to collect a LOT of data for correlative information to be relevant, and even then it isn't up to the standards of an NT who communicates through clothing instinctively. I hate thinking about this kind of crap, so if I find something that is relatively neutral in its social response, I tend to buy several. I'm not so rigid that I buy the exact same outfit for every day, but I tend to buy one in several colors (and I'm not 8 - when I was, I was in a school uniform and otherwise my mother, who WAS rigid, chose my clothes.)

Well... yeah. Aspies are very particular about a lot of things. Why is the key. My recommendation would be to have a conversation (a REAL conversation) with your son about why. Let him speak and try to explain himself. They usually have a REAL reason, but they do not always like to share it, maybe because of the way we react. Ask him why he only wants to wear red. Maybe it is only because that is the color he likes most, but may be another reason, like he really dislikes the other colors, or maybe he "perceives" things when he is wearing other colors (my Aspie husband tells me he used to "smell" things when he saw a particular color).

Anyway I think it is very important for him to learn to be flexible. Because our kids are not, and they NEED to be. In my case I would ask my daughter politely to wear something else, giving her reasons why (people would think she does not own another piece of clothing and would laugh about her or say things to her). And even explaining that she cannot do what she wants all the time (nobody can). She is very flexible and she agrees. You can offer a little reward for the "effort" (like making his favorite meal, or giving him his favorite dessert, or allowing extra TV time, or something like that), to make it less painful.

Maybe wearing the same color everyday wont lead to teasing... maybe it will (kids use ANYTHING), but I think it is very important to teach him to be flexible. You can go shopping together and get to some sort of arrangement to add at least one more color to his wardrobe. You can start with only one, then add another one, and so on.

Maybe try asking him what colour you should wear when you're about to change shirts for some trivial reason or ask him if he think you should wear one of your red shirts (in case you have at least one red shirt). If he agrees to a red one you could ask why you should wear red (and not blue) and if he thinks red would be good for you (and why) or if he shrugs the question about your shirt off, you could just state that you pretty much decided on red now and ask him if he thinks it's good or bad if you wore red (and why).

If you just ask him a question including why but he can't figure out an answer, you could start giving semi-serious example of that perhaps, red will make you lucky perhaps, that looking at red makes you feel while looking at another colour feels odd, that you wonder if somebody else will think you're dashing in red - obvious interrogation is bad usually, but this short and somewhat silly questioning in which one puts different possibilities/example into words they can pick up if they think that's how they feel works for lots of kids.

For autistic children who had enough interest to interact with others and have a conversation with me but who wouldn't/couldn't answer why-questions about themselves well, I often found it far easier to pretend to talk about me in order to indirectly talk about them.

My four-year-old Aspie with OCD has the same issue. What helped? Use of a "shirt schedule," Prozac for anxiety, and work with an ABA therapist on this and other issues.

He used to have to wear a yellow shirt every single day. (We have a whole drawer full of them). He also wanted to wear his yellow raincoat all of the time. (We have two identical ones, which are too small and which have holes in them from where he chewed on the sleeves).

If he has a lot of other rigid, strange fixations and rituals, you may be looking at an OCD situation. Prozac has been around a long time and is very successful with OCD. OCD is a severe anxiety disorder that usually requires medication for significant improvement and help from a psychologist or ABA therapist for optimal outcome.

I think there is a fine balance between allowing them to stick to their routines because routines are comfortable for them (or whatever their reason is for wanting things to be the same) and pushing them a little to improve their ability to be flexible. IMHO learning to be flexible is a life skill that will serve our children well in the long run. However, I am very aware that my youngest son ( 6yo ASD) is not likely ever going to be able to be as flexible as my older NT son. So, I worry less about how other kids will think about my son's clothes. As others have said, certain other characteristics of AS children are likely to draw more crticism from peers than wearing he same color shirt every day. I worry more about allowing him to be so rigid in a routine that gets in the way of otherwise normal functioning when circumstances disrupt that routine (as they inevitably will). Its really hard as a parent though to strike that balance. My son is pretty particular about clothes but more concerned with texture and feel not exclusive about one color so we have some variety. If I were in your shoes part of me would say, buy 15 of the shirts that he likes and let him wear them every day. The other part of me though, says, push his boundaires a little bit, see if you can get him to wear the same shirt in a different color or a different style shirt inthe same color once every other week or so. If he wants to wear his jacket over it, OK. Bottom line, no matter how much any of us might want things to be the same comfortable way all the time, change is inevitable. Learning a little flexibility can be a good thing.

I just realized how lucky we are to have uniforms. My son wears the same khaki pants, same white polo shirt, same white socks and same brown belt every day and no one thinks anything of it. His NT sister varies hers with different colored shirts/pants/undershirt combinations and crazy socks, and bright tennis shoes. However, my son doesn't insist on wearing the same thing, he just seems to get into ruts about clothing he has to choose and seems to enjoy not having to think about what to wear to school every day.

I really like the positive reinforcement idea, and discussions focussed on his thoughts. It seems such a small issue that if too big a deal is made, then it could result in unwarranted anxiety. With positive reinforcement, you could encourage flexibility. I also think the focus should be on flexibility, not really the clothes. Maybe a social story about flexibility? Also positive comments and reinforcement noticing other areas where he is being flexible. So if you have another morning with no red shirts, you can say... remember when you were so flexible about ...

Right after I read this discussion, I read an article about employees getting fired for the color/type of shirt they wore.

http://jobs.aol.com/articles/2012/03/21 ... d%3D145373

That's a bit extreme to get fired over that!

Hi! My son is 8 and he is particular as well about his clothes and shoes etc... Most of all pants, he will wear the same pants everyday. He actually doesn't like clean clothes, he likes them to be 'broken in' as someone here at WP described.

I know how you feel being torn between protecting him from being being alienated by his peers but at the same time letting him be himself. I think the answer here is timing. Timing is everything.

Take a look at the overall issues that you work with him on. How does this clothing thing rank in priority? Although it might be a problem if someone makes fun of him, if they aren't yet, then the problem only exists for you at the moment. So it may not be the right time to address the clothing flexibility. However, if and when it gets higher in the ranking, like if evything is fine otherwise, or when people do mess with him about it and becomes important for him, then that may be an indication that it is the right time.

For blake, clothing is the very last thing on the list of priorities. Heck, I've even redefined my definition of clean vs dirty!, hahaha! but that is because it isn't bothering him or hurting him right now, so it's not worth it. Later it might be, but not now. So look at your big picture too and check the timing and priorities and you'll have your answer! Good luck!

Thanks annotated Alice

ive just bought:

20 black tshirts
8 pairs of black shorts to go with black tshirts and my new black trainers
8 pairs of grey shorts
8 pairs of camo shorts

that is all i will be wearing for about the next two or 3 years. except in winter when i will buy more black jogging pants and black jumpers