Feeling Hopeless.....sliding through the cracks at school

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Where do I start?
Anyone have suggestions for issues at school? Our 5yr old is having a miserable time. He leaves the classroom on his own (no doors on the rooms) daily, gets very upset very quickly, any progress we've made with transitioning seems to be gone, and I can't get the school to do much about any of it. So far this week, he has been a part of his class for about 15mins on Monday (I don't count Wed because they had a Valentine's party all day). I was called twice by the school to come and pick him up. I have torn feelings that I did pick him up, because now a can of worms is opened. He is a very smart kid, and like many others, if you give him an inch he'll take a mile. I told the school that the first time they called me, and yet I was called again.
He basically has learned that if he acts up in class or leaves class that he will get to go to a quiet room and play or go to the OT room, or mommy will come. My 5yr old seems to schedule his own day. On the otherhand, I realize that his leaving the room may be a need he has to find a quiet space, or he may need some OT time, but I'm not there to judge that, and I've yet to have anyone at the school show me that they have a clue. I actually had to give them info on Asperger's. Very angry.
We are still in the process of getting his IEP completed....we had to schedule another meeting (meet over a month ago the first time), but it's hard to have much faith in that even. Our social worker came with, thankfully, because the school constantly responded everytime we asked, that he doesn't qualify for speech or OT...he's too smart. What!! !???! !! I couldn't believe it. Well now we are 3/4 of the way through the year, and it is a nightmare. He's been in school since he was 2 and the last 2 years he had about 15-17 kids in a intergrated tiny tots program, so the 17 other kids in the class this year is not a new thing. In fact, when school started, he love it, now he hates it. We are supposed to have daily contact with his teacher, but it is maybe twice a week...we've reminder her several times. They also will not qualify him for an aide for all day. He gets about 20-30mins total a day and we had to beg for that.
Ever feel your head is actually pounding from stress? I'm there.

I don't blame you for being angry with the conditions you describe. I would be furious. (Disclaimer: I have never had children, but I am passionate about their being treated right in school. This is partly because I had excellent schools and teachers all my life--I'm 67 now--and I see children being, as I consider it, abused by schools that don't care about them at all.)

Depending on the size and location of your city, I wonder if any of these suggestions would be helpful:

1. Contact your councilperson about the situation. The schools are presumably under some kind of city control, so it would be the city or town council's business to make sure they do what they are supposed to do, which does NOT include being unconcerned about children with difficulties.

2. Report your teacher's nonchalance to the Board of Education. If that doesn't work, go to the state level. As far as I know, every state oversees education. And states, through the courts, have cracked down on shoddy school systems. This was true in Kansas City, where I live. (I'm not sure, frankly, that it did much good.)

3. I don't imagine your finances allow for a private school, otherwise your son would probably be in one already. But some very large cities have special schools for children with special needs. Could a transfer be possible, if that's the situation where you live?

I can't think of anything more just now; I encourage you to report the teacher to somebody. Either he or she does not care, or else he or she is overworked so much that obligations cannot be met. In either case, something is wrong and it is not your child who should bear the cost of it.

Best wishes and hope for improvement!

I'm about to go out the door, so I can't respond the way I want to. I just wanted to let you know that you are definitely not alone! I walked in your shoes and I had no idea just how stressful it was until he finally had competent staff taking care of him and we're on the other side of it. So I'm sending you a ton of hugs and I'll write more later. I just wanted you to know that I get how hard it is.

Not a day goes by that I don't feel grateful for the wonderful teachers and schools I've been fortunate enough to enjoy. I hope and wish that your son may find himself in as good a situation soon, and will be thinking of him and you.

When my son was in kindergarten he learned very quickly that if he wanted to go home all he had to do was act out in school. I was picking him up nearly every day then the school started harrassing me about how much school he missed. It really got on my nerves. At the time I was working and I was getting called out of work constantly.

The next year we switched him to another school. He ended up in a TMI class (not the right class for him) but hedid have an awesome teacher. We told her right away that he would act out to get to go home and she quickly said that was not a problem. she would only send him home if he was sick. She meant that. Not only would she NOT send him home, she would keep him late. One day he threw a fit and she called me and asked if it was OK if he could stay after school. He went to my mom's after school on the bus and it was 2 miles away since my mom was my babysitter. She told me that she wanted to walk him home. I agreed to let her and on my lunch I even went up and signed a consent so she could do it anytime. After that he quickly learned that that teacher meant business. He is no longer in those kinds of classes but he was for a few years until we figured out he was an Aspie. She threatened to walk him home a few more times and he'd straighten right up.

He still has an occasional meltdown but the school deals with them well. They let him go into the hallway and cool off then come back into class. Ever since that teacher took the extra time to make him stay after then walk him home he has never asked to be sent home.

This is so great. That school practices real compassion. That's what children -- on the autistic spectrum or not --need, not destructive criticism, punishment they don't understand (and often don't merit), or worst of all being ignored.

The teacher donated her own time to show compassionate discipline to your child. I wish there were more like her in this world.

sounds like what you're in need of is a behavior suport plan...besides addressing the problem behaviors , an effective BSP also addresses behaviors that you'd like to see increase. the general way one's written is: "if he does A, then B happens.".............i have a student, who, if he's had a "good day" ( he hasn't hit anyone)~he gets to go on the swing in the therapy room for 10 minutes at the end of the day.
yes, of course, he probably does need some quiet time scheduled into his day...and it sounds like he's definitly taking advantage of the situation as it stands now.
once the IEP is written, hopefully things will run smoother

If you haven't been there already, I suggest you go to the Asperger's support groups on Delphiforums.com. There are lots of parents there in similar situations to yours, and the can give you lots of advice, help, and support.

wow! my daughter was hiding in the yellow "tunnels" on the playground in K5, freaking out at the end of the day at bus time, and she got put on yellow for wetting her pants. we knew nothing of this until the pants wetting incident. we pulled her from school. legally a child doesnt have to attend school until they are 7 in NC. i homeschooled her in 1st grade. we saw several drs...one even told us she was "just a handful". she was finally diagnosed with AS and specific phobias.

i didn't feel i could appropiatly educate her and we found a perfect charter school. she has never once acted what they would call disruptive...in face she is too quiet. even there it took a year for them to realize she is gifted. no school is perfect.

i don't know what state your in...but if you have magnet or charter schools they can be a better fit sometimes.

public schools are OBLIGATED to educate and meet your childs needs. they can be a pain or they can be your best friend. if you have a local autism society ask someone to call the school and give an informational talk to the teachers or find free literature to hand out. that makes them realize their own ignorance about how many children with AS are actually in the walls of the school...it also lets them know you mean business.

teaching has got to be hard...but ALL children are different. remember not to feel guilt over your son needing any special treatment. (i did at first) he has the RIGHT to a non-stressful aducation and you sometimes have to demand it...

I have noticed it is the teacher that makes or breaks the school and how willing the principal is to step in when needed. I pulled my son out of public school in Dec. He is in 5th grade and through the years we have had good and bad. He has had awsome teachers but unfortunaltely the bad out weighted the good. He has had some teachers give there all and some just sat him in the back of the classroom with no books or nothing to do b/c he was special ed. He has had teachers that understand and are willing to work with him and some that just expected him to do what the other kids were doing and give out lunch detentions when he didn't. When I would complain about a situation it would be turned around as he can do it and he needs to be pushed. I complained about a lunch detention given to him for not turnning in homework that was not written in his agenda. the teacher said she told all the kids to write it down. Well, that made it ok for them but my child can't spell and it wasn't put on the board for him to copy. I asked for a week notice for test to help him study, never received. His sensory seeking and behavoirs we terrible after school. I explained he would come home from school spinning for hours, tapping on anything he could find, and making loud vocal sounds. I was told by a teacher he should basically be punished. That was my breaking point. I knew I had to get him out!! ! I have worked with professional's for 7 yrs and no one has ever told me to punish him for SID. In fact they have encourage me to help him seek them out. Since he started the private school in Dec. the Migraine's, SID, and meltdowns have decreased greatly. This school does push him but they also know when to back off and take a small break and guess what it is showing, he is making more progress than he did at the public school.