I need advice.........I have removed his SPECIAL INTEREST???

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Hi guys, I havnt been here for a while....but now I feel I need your advice once again.

Im upset as I type this as I know my son is doing no harm, and he just Looooves his Mario (Nintendo super Mario Bros) teddies ! ! He is 7yrs and his speech is still delayed. Not that he cannot communicate, he just preferes his own world or Mario. When he needs to communicate, he can do so with wonderful dialect.

He has LOVED many things in the past, buzz lightyear, lego, etc but this Mario thing has blown him away. He has an ipad and loves to watch you tube clips of kids playing Mario Teddies. While he learns so many play skills, and has very advanced play scenarious, which he learns from these clips..........................they are taking over.

I accept that I am not as exciting as Mario, thats okay for me, I know he loves me. But since he has started back in school in September, he cannot focus at all. Its all about Mario. They have held back their Mario Teddies to specific times for him, and we have tried to do the same at home. But he is a clever little fella, and finds ways to play Mario. eg (with a red pencil and a green watering can ! !) and suddenly Mario is always there.

Anyhow his school has said that they are finding it hard to 'reach' him, so we have now gone 'cold turky' and taken away all the teddies. While he is doing really well now on his second night, only believeing that his parents are 'looking for them'! !

He is definitely more engaging, and wanting to be around us as a family, I felt so so bad when he looked into my eyes and said "Please mummy, give me my Mario Teddies back".....................

I am finding it so hard, is it the right thing now that I see him so happy and enganing in a way that he never did before, or should I give in to his very ligitimat call for peace / solitudue??

I trust every participant on this board..........I thank you xx

my 7y is obsessed with the Mario games as well, and loves his mario and luigi stuffed toys. It actually makes me a bit sad for your son as well, but I gues you have to do what you have to do. How has this helped out at school? Maybe you can give him the toys only on weekends? My son gets a LOT more video game time on weekends casue its restricted during the week and I know he loves it so much. Maybe he can have a reward for good behavior at school or homw with his toys for a limited time???

good luck....

Oh thanks so much for your reply........he only loves mario teddies. Thankfully he doesent like the nintendo game, he just loves the you tube clips of the teddies playing together. Gosh you would think I should be glad of the amazing dialog they have on those clips, he is the best "imaginary play" ASD kid I know ????

Will this move on to something else, or just disolve away??

If he hasn't been this strongly interested in anything before then chances are this interest too will fade with time. It is so hard, their special interests are so important but when they are really getting in the way of your child interacting with others and doing most other stuff, then it is too much. I feel that we are lucky in that we have 2 boys, one NT and one ASD. They do as you describe, act out their video games even when they are not playing or watching them but they are doing it together so I don't worry about it so much. Is there are part you can play (I am not familiar with Mario teddies) and act out the game with him? You know, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right?

my son watches you tube of the vidoe games being played. He has to watch with the volume off if there is any taking casue sometimes they curse or say bad things. He would LOVE to watch the stuffed animal play, but that would have to be strictly monitored by me, casu there is talking in those for sure! I just dont need him picking up anything bad from the videos.

Maybe this phase will pass?

I dont agree that spectrum kids lack imagination. My son has always had imaginative play, and is extremely creative. He always put on plays, shows, and now plays with the stuffed toys. Of course he is always reenacting something, or creating a new story for Mario and luigi, sonic and angry birds!

our kids are amazing arent they?

I know a family who have an autistic child and he loves maps. But they also limit them because if he engages into them too much, he starts to act inappropriate and touching himself wrong. I don't judge parents anymore who try and limit their autistic kids special interests. They know their child better than we all do and we don't know the situation and how it effects their child and how well they are doing while theirs are limited.

That's really tough because special interests are so important to them, and the fact that this is an imaginative play kind is pretty amazing. I think I am going to second the call to reintroduce the plushes on weekends. Ideally try to let him know that you want to test it and see. I would try to play with him with them (or have another family member do it) so he is still getting the interaction.

The thing that confused me a little was when you said he begs you for them, but is happier without the distraction of them.

Use them as a reward. For example, If he does well in school, he gets 30 minutes when he gets home. If he behaves in the afternoon, he gets them for a bit before bed. If he has a good week (have specific criteria like only losing his mario playtime once or twice during the week), then he gets extra weekend time. Tough call.

I'm not a parent, and I don't participate much on this board, but here's my input. I don't think it's good to lie to him. You've done it already, so you've opened a Pandora's box, so to speak. The problem is, later in life, when he finds out you lied to him about his Mario Teddies, he's not going to trust you. Even if he complains and shouts and is a huge pain now, after you tell him straight out you took them because he spends too much time with them, it's better I believe to have it now, than have him psychologically think about how he can't trust his parents, at say, age 13-14 when he figures out you took them and lied about it. Then he'll get rebellious and possibly get in trouble or do something dumb, because he doesn't trust his parents.

That's my only take on the situation. Maybe it's my Aspie mind looking too deep into things, but yeah...

I guess one way to resolve this "lie" without running the risk of ruining the kid's trust in you, is to "find" the Mario teddies. Then avoid lying in the future. Basically, set it right so you're no longer living the lie, if coming clean about the lie itself will cause such turmoil... I'd do it ASAP, before the kid finds them hidden in your room or something, or else comes to Wrong Planet and reads this thread...

I too, even not being a parent, am concerned that the kid finding out about this lie could put a huge dent in his trust in you for years or even decades to come!

Maybe combine what Comp_Geek_573 and 1000Knives mentioned, and "find" his teddies, but use it as a chance to have a discussion about his awesome behavior lately, how much fun it was be engaged with him and have him involved with you and how good it made you feel for him to be that "around". Maybe that's how he feels when he is with his teddies- and you would love it if he would be able to take a teddy break once in a while and engage everyone else in his cool world.

Wow, my 7 year old is obsessed with mario plush toys too. and watching the videos, "cute mario bros" is one where a kid plays with his plush toys. We have about 20 of them, including rare ones that I got off of ebay. I admit that I indulge his special interest but I get into it too lol. We have so much mario stuff. I have no advice on getting him out of "mario" world but I think he should get his teddies back I know my guy would be lost without them.

Wow, my 7 year old is obsessed with mario plush toys too. and watching the videos, "cute mario bros" is one where a kid plays with his plush toys. We have about 20 of them, including rare ones that I got off of ebay. I admit that I indulge his special interest but I get into it too lol. We have so much mario stuff. I have no advice on getting him out of "mario" world but I think he should get his teddies back I know my guy would be lost without them.

This is basically what I was going to say, but beyond that, his special interest is probably his little part of the world that makes sense to him, where he can be himself and feel totally free. Why would you want to take that away from him?

For me, growing up, my special interest was videogames. I played them all the time because inside the videogame world I could be whatever I wanted. I felt like what I did actually mattered, in a positive way. On the outside, everything I did was either neutral or bad. I never had a sense of my parents being proud of me in any way. If I didn't have my videogames, I would have grown up insane. Videogames were my escape, my place to vent anger and frustration, my happy place.

Also, someone earlier said they don't judge parents who take away their AS child's special interests because she doesn't know how it affects the child... Well that's fine, but technically the parent doesn't either. They might be able to observe certain behavioral changes, but they'll never get inside his head. If it's not hurting anybody, let it be, I say. Let the child be who he is, not who you want him to be. You can't fit a square peg into a round hole. The more you try to "correct" your child in this way, especially with things that don't really hurt anybody, the more he will likely feel like everything he does is wrong, like he's not allowed to be himself. He will likely question what harm it does, come to the conclusion that it does no harm, and then just be pissed at/not trust you. Despite how badly you want your son to be "normal," he simply won't. Get used to it now, or be prepared to cause you and him a lot of stress and anxiety.

My 8 year old autistic son is also a Mario obsessive. I do sometimes feel it is becoming an obstacle to him interacting with other kids because it seems every game has to have a Mario theme. I know from his teacher that he is becoming more and more isolated at school, particularly at playtime, as other kids just don't want to be characters in his mario games. Removing them completely wouldn't be an option for me as I tried this once before and he felt that he was being punished for something which he didn't actually do. I suspect that this obsession will fade away in time (possibly to be replaced by another obsession). It's hard. On the one hand he loves his plush toys so much, and he acts out scenarios from school and life with them, giggling like mad to himself as he plays. And his video games are away to de-stress at the end of diffucult school day. On the other, the constant Mario talk drives me nuts.

I guess I just have to hang in there and try to make sure it doesn't get out of hand.

Good luck anyway

ps if you find an interesting solution be sure to let me know

I know this may not go over well, but I feel I need to say this...

When I was about 14-15 years old, I loved the "Cars" movies...I still do. I had a bunch of Cars plushies, Cars die cast toys, and the "Art of Cars" book and a DK book about the Cars characters.

Now, during the summer of 2006 when the movie came out and I was about 14, I went through what turned out to be a very traumatic experience for about three weeks, and all during that time, my die cast Cars were the only friends I had. At the end of another, depressing, demoralizing day, I would just go up to my room, greet my Cars, and take some of my favorites up to my loft bed and just lie up there, crying and telling them all the stuff I couldn't tell anyone else. Mater, The King, Sally, Fillmore, and Snot Rod were the ones I went to for comfort first.

So basically, my die cast Cars were my friends - more than my friends; my guardians and protectors. I felt safe with them all lined up on my shelf in front of my radio. Over the years, I've added more and more Cars to my collection, and have them all lined up on a desk in my room.

If someone were to take all my die cast Cars and Cars-related things away from me, I would feel completely vulnerable and very, very lonely and depressed. I'm not exaggerating when I say that they literally kept me alive during the summer of 2006.

Of course, I think it's wonderful that FD's son has made such progress while his Mario teddies have been on hiatus, but I also agree with everyone else who has said to just give them back, while explaining to him why you did it....there may be a possibility that his teddies are also his "friends," like my Cars were/are for me.