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ASDsmom
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04 Jun 2013, 7:43 pm

chris5000 wrote:
you could try an automotive deodorizer for the couch, my old truck had a bench seat that smelled really bad, my dad got this stuff from autozone I cant remember the name at the moment but it worked like a charm I think it was something with ozone in the name


Is it toxic? We're very sensitive to chemicals. I've been spraying a home-made eucalyptus and lemons spray, which puts a bandaide to the problem.



chris5000
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04 Jun 2013, 8:23 pm

ASDsmom wrote:
chris5000 wrote:
you could try an automotive deodorizer for the couch, my old truck had a bench seat that smelled really bad, my dad got this stuff from autozone I cant remember the name at the moment but it worked like a charm I think it was something with ozone in the name


Is it toxic? We're very sensitive to chemicals. I've been spraying a home-made eucalyptus and lemons spray, which puts a bandaide to the problem.


it might be it had a real strong smell for about an hour but after that it was gone and the smell with it, so you should probably do it outside and let the cushions air out



Trowkin
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05 Jun 2013, 2:15 am

A few suggestions from personal experience, having lower functioning cousins and talking to other spectrum people in general :

Anxiety disorders seem to trigger in AS people in puberty, did for me and a few more aspies I know. You may want to see if a low dose of an anti-anxiety med helps, I had a lot of issues with homework because of my anxiety. Try 1/4 to a 1/3 the normal dose, Temple Grandin suggests the lower dosage in a video I was watching a little bit ago on book TV. I can't post URLs yet because I'm still new, if you want I can PM you the link to the video.

Also I didn't like busy work, there really isn't a point to it, so why do it. Try to have the teacher only give him practical work to do. Also I doubt he gets "do what you can", never really registered with me when I was younger, wasn't until my senior year of college to be honest. Another suggestion is have the teacher give him the easy problems separate from the harder ones and have the harder ones be "extra", might get through better.

Best to avoid trying new foods while he is in school still if he is having issues with them, wait until summer vacation when he does not have to worry about being around people as much. To be honest it could be just the food causing the issues, just because the food doesn't necessary effect him physically doesn't mean it doesn't effect him mentally. I know I get really moody if I break my diet, my fiancee even more so, but she'd never admit it. Also if he is getting diarrhea his gut probably doesn't feel the best either.

Last suggestion, you might not want to read it, but I doubt anyone else is going to say it. He might be sexually frustrated, he is twelve and has hormones now. He may not know how to masturbate and needs to be taught. I believe you can make the school do it as part of his sex education.



ASDsmom
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05 Jun 2013, 6:55 pm

Trowkin wrote:
Best to avoid trying new foods while he is in school still if he is having issues with them, wait until summer vacation when he does not have to worry about being around people as much.

That's probably good advice but over the summer, he'll be involved in day camps - youth camps - leadership camps so he'll be around people anyway.

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To be honest it could be just the food causing the issues, just because the food doesn't necessary effect him physically doesn't mean it doesn't effect him mentally.

Food definitely affects him mentally - chocolate especially. The diarrhea is food related but encopresis is due to his constipation issues.

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Last suggestion, you might not want to read it, but I doubt anyone else is going to say it. He might be sexually frustrated, he is twelve and has hormones now. He may not know how to masturbate and needs to be taught. I believe you can make the school do it as part of his sex education.

I know!! 8O I've given him a few books to read but yes, knowing HOW to masturbate might be a struggle for him. Teach him? Yikes. I don't think he'd want me to teach him that.. and sex ed, they don't teach technique.



Trowkin
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05 Jun 2013, 10:31 pm

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I know!! 8O I've given him a few books to read but yes, knowing HOW to masturbate might be a struggle for him. Teach him? Yikes. I don't think he'd want me to teach him that.. and sex ed, they don't teach technique.


I thought you could have the school counselor teach him extra sex ed as an accommodation. I could be wrong or it's different state to state, wouldn't hurt to ask. You could also have a male relative teach him or find a video on youtube. Just some suggestions.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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06 Jun 2013, 11:36 am

I think metabolic issues might be the cause of some cases of autism (with the emphasis on some). As far as re-introducing new foods, I might ease back one step. And I really think probiotics are one wave of the future, with a lot of potential upside and not much downside risk.

Your son is approaching an age where you move from being his main coach to being one of several main coaches, and this can be tricky. When I was 15, my mom was still going into the doctor's office with me including when I was having groin pain and was worried about it. And that was just too late in age and was awkward to say the least. Should have been more of a transition where she sometimes went in with me, and sometimes didn't.



DW_a_mom
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06 Jun 2013, 2:49 pm

Trowkin wrote:
Quote:
I know!! 8O I've given him a few books to read but yes, knowing HOW to masturbate might be a struggle for him. Teach him? Yikes. I don't think he'd want me to teach him that.. and sex ed, they don't teach technique.


I thought you could have the school counselor teach him extra sex ed as an accommodation. I could be wrong or it's different state to state, wouldn't hurt to ask. You could also have a male relative teach him or find a video on youtube. Just some suggestions.


I really cannot imagine a school doing that. It is so far out of the bounds of what a school is set up for. And I really would not want someone teaching my child. Not to mention some religions think it is a sin. Not to mention I think an adult could go to jail for being alone in a room with a child while the child tries it out. Seriously, is there ANYONE I would trust to "show" something like that to my child? NO. Our kids are taught for their own safety from pedophiles that everything inside the swimsuit area is PRIVATE.

I guess everyone is different but in our new mother's group, every single boy had figured this out for himself during toddlerhood. Obviously not in the way you are thinking about it, but the same action would transfer. Little boys are quite fascinated by their body part, and parents have to figure out to keep them from playing with it all the time, everywhere. By four my son knew that it was a "private" activity and, honestly, I don't even want to know if he still does it.

Anyway. I can't relate to the idea that a school could be asked to teach this at all. Part of me wants to laugh and part of me freaks out for the potential abuse. Sorry, just showing how different people see this stuff.


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06 Jun 2013, 2:54 pm

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
I think metabolic issues might be the cause of some cases of autism (with the emphasis on some). As far as re-introducing new foods, I might ease back one step. And I really think probiotics are one wave of the future, with a lot of potential upside and not much downside risk.

Your son is approaching an age where you move from being his main coach to being one of several main coaches, and this can be tricky. When I was 15, my mom was still going into the doctor's office with me including when I was having groin pain and was worried about it. And that was just too late in age and was awkward to say the least. Should have been more of a transition where she sometimes went in with me, and sometimes didn't.


After 11 or so I made it my son's choice: want me to come in or not?


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ASDsmom
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06 Jun 2013, 6:29 pm

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
Your son is approaching an age where you move from being his main coach to being one of several main coaches, and this can be tricky. When I was 15, my mom was still going into the doctor's office with me including when I was having groin pain and was worried about it. And that was just too late in age and was awkward to say the least. Should have been more of a transition where she sometimes went in with me, and sometimes didn't.


Good point. It's been a while since I've had to take him to the doctor's office so I'll keep this in mind. Usually, he's asked me to stay in the room but I should not assume he will next time. I'll ask :) Thanks for the heads up.



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06 Jun 2013, 6:39 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
I really cannot imagine a school doing that. It is so far out of the bounds of what a school is set up for. And I really would not want someone teaching my child. Not to mention some religions think it is a sin. Not to mention I think an adult could go to jail for being alone in a room with a child while the child tries it out. Seriously, is there ANYONE I would trust to "show" something like that to my child? NO. Our kids are taught for their own safety from pedophiles that everything inside the swimsuit area is PRIVATE.


That was my thinking exactly... um, not thanks. I appreciate the suggestion but it goes completely out of my comfort zone and it could be potentially scarring having ANYONE teach him that. Of course, I don't image the poster meant to teach him "physically" because yes, someone could go to jail for doing something like that.

Quote:
I guess everyone is different but in our new mother's group, every single boy had figured this out for himself during toddlerhood. Obviously not in the way you are thinking about it, but the same action would transfer. Little boys are quite fascinated by their body part, and parents have to figure out to keep them from playing with it all the time, everywhere. By four my son knew that it was a "private" activity and, honestly, I don't even want to know if he still does it.


I guess a child will learn to "handle it" in a way that feels good to them - and it's individual. Although, the poster made a good point. If a teen doesn't know how to ejaculate and is feeling frustrated, there must be an appropriate way of learning that.. and Youtube is not it.



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06 Jun 2013, 7:40 pm

I bet here is a book that would include all the information he needs. (I am still trying to decide on one that is age appropriate for my seven year old, who needs to at least know where babies come from and what all the parts do. :) )

There is probably a book that would cover that information. They don't seem to have the ones for kids around here, in bookstores --I guess so parents don't complain about their kids reading them. Amazon has a "look inside" and reviews and such, so you could get an idea of what is out there. Some are more explicit than others.



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06 Jun 2013, 8:16 pm

ASDsmom wrote:
I guess a child will learn to "handle it" in a way that feels good to them - and it's individual. Although, the poster made a good point. If a teen doesn't know how to ejaculate and is feeling frustrated, there must be an appropriate way of learning that.. and Youtube is not it.

Maybe you could indicate that a sexual progression is acceptable. For example, tell him that he can watch "R" rated movies.



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06 Jun 2013, 8:47 pm

There is a sometimes explicit website on sex education for teens in Paris, they offer an English version. I'd thought about showing my own son, but we found other resources that worked better. It doesn't quite have the information you're looking for, but it has a LOT of information that may help - but be aware that the slang is slightly different.

European sex ed tends to be a lot more explicit and offer a lot more concrete information in a format that a child can understand - but you might want to review it first.

http://www.cite-sciences.fr/english/ala ... -big-deal/

Another resource might be the website Scarleteen, which has a lot of very, very in-depth information but is presented in a format that I found to be kind of, well, wordy. The site does have a page about desire that includes masturbation, though:

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexua ... sers_guide



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07 Jun 2013, 11:32 am

ASDsmom wrote:
Thanks for all your feedback and suggestions. I didn't respond to everyone but I appreciate what was said.

The meltdowns lately are usually over 2 things:
1) Homework
2) Encopresis

The homework issue, his teacher seems to think he's being avoidant lately. It could be due to the increase of work load all students are getting. It could be due to the content (socials/science/novel study) that's hard for him to understand. There are a lot of big words he's having to define and remember and I don't think it sinks in for him. His novel study, he has to make a prediction (which is fine) but then having to explain what each chapter is about, is brutal. I've spoken to his teacher and we'll try to work something out.

Encopresis: This condition is when people have BM accidents. I understand why it's happening and apparently it's not a long term issue. Also, we've started reintroducing foods he was once sensitive to but has created diarrhea. It's really embarrassing for him to the point where he's avoiding taking care of the problem until I prompt him to. The smell has since transferred onto our couch. We've tried different strategies around it - didn't work - so I've litterally FLIPPED both couches up against the walls. It's a hard smell to get rid of!! Is it humiliating? Yes. Does it fuel aggression everytime I ask him to take care of this - yes. I've told him I am THE SAFEST PERSON to tell him about it. Not only can he develop further issues by ignoring it but can you imagine a classmate noticing it too? I am trying to prevent him from being humiliated by his peers because THAT'S a situation that will scar him for a very long time. I've also explained to him about what Encopresis is and that it's a temporary condition - relatively normal - and that I'm not at all upset by it. What I am upset about is when this problem starts affecting other people and is damaging furniture. I am scared his peers will find out and - gawd knows what! I was at least able to get him to tell me that he was embarrassed/ashamed about it which is a HUGE step forward.

So .. this week he is grounded. He's to work on a TOP 5 list throughout the week in order to earn fun time at an upcoming festival. So far, things are not going well at all. I DO see effort though but the aggression still comes up around homework and BMs. On a posititive side though, today is going rather well.. at least in terms of aggression and homework.. but arrived home an hour late.

We'll see..


Just wanted to let you know that encompresis is a huge problem for my son who is now 13 1/2. If not addressed, it does get worse - and it has. In addition, it is a HUGE trigger for meltdowns. Everything about it triggers meltdowns. Prompting, not prompting, having him manage the clean up not having him manage the clean up.... UGH! I have no good answers EXCEPT if you can get it under control before he gets megacolon, he will be really well served. (For those who don't know what that is, google it, I don't have time to include the definition.) My son has developed this, and it has complicated matters.



ASDsmom
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07 Jun 2013, 10:22 pm

momsparky wrote:
There is a sometimes explicit website on sex education for teens in Paris, they offer an English version. I'd thought about showing my own son, but we found other resources that worked better. It doesn't quite have the information you're looking for, but it has a LOT of information that may help - but be aware that the slang is slightly different.

European sex ed tends to be a lot more explicit and offer a lot more concrete information in a format that a child can understand - but you might want to review it first.

http://www.cite-sciences.fr/english/ala ... -big-deal/

Another resource might be the website Scarleteen, which has a lot of very, very in-depth information but is presented in a format that I found to be kind of, well, wordy. The site does have a page about desire that includes masturbation, though:

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexua ... sers_guide


Thanks for the links! I'll make sure to check them out when my brain can process. For now, I bought him a book about sexuality for pre-teens. I can't remember what it's called.. I'll have to dig it out when he's not around. It took me a while to give it to him because it talks about masturbation and I was horrified!! LOL But, I've calmed down and gave it to him a couple months ago.



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07 Jun 2013, 10:24 pm

Kailuamom wrote:
Just wanted to let you know that encompresis is a huge problem for my son who is now 13 1/2. If not addressed, it does get worse - and it has. In addition, it is a HUGE trigger for meltdowns. Everything about it triggers meltdowns. Prompting, not prompting, having him manage the clean up not having him manage the clean up.... UGH! I have no good answers EXCEPT if you can get it under control before he gets megacolon, he will be really well served. (For those who don't know what that is, google it, I don't have time to include the definition.) My son has developed this, and it has complicated matters.


Scaring me!! :study: