My 22 year old daughter just diagnosed. New and confused.

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double post, yay.

My brother is 2.5 years older than me and is a mainstream NT. He attracts friends and girls like you wouldn't believe. I used to hide when his girl friends came over.

But my brother and I fought like nothing else.

I was always smarter than my brother. Even at a young age I would beat him at chess even with 2.5 years developement advantage over me. I could out-think him. So this gave me much satisfaction, and it gave me a direction with a carrier. I put all my effort into being more successful than my brother. Childish perhaps, but I'm glad that I had this drive in my life, because collage was very hard for me. But I succeded.

I wish you and and your family well.

I have boys that are only 15 months apart, the oldest is ASD, the younger is not. The younger has ADHD which hits him in the maturity department, so he's about even with the oldest in that regard, but socially, he's miles ahead. In skills that should one day develop into "things that will get me gainful employment" he's miles ahead.

It is really hard on him sometimes to have to watch out for his brother, to make sure he gets on the right bus, to make sure there are no incidents while riding the bus, to keep an eye on him in group settings, to know that his brother is going to be like this at least to some degree for the rest of his life. He feels responsible for that looking out. I tell him to watch out on the buses, but he just does it naturally in other settings. He doesn't really reap a lot of benefits from it, either. His brother is still the older one, still treats him like the little brother, etc.

I don't know what would help your younger one. It's kind of a catch-22 situation where she really is the functional older sibling, but gets treated like the younger by everyone, especially the older sister.

I have a 20 year old daughter who was diagnosed at age 18. She is not broken, she is awesome!

ASD is not a processing error, it is a different operating system.

I think of it like the difference between a petrol or diesel car. Or for those with computers, the difference between PC or Mac.
They both work, but in different ways.

Hope this helps.

I agree with you - our daughters are not broken! But they are facing challenges.
My daughter was diagnosed as "high functioning autistic' - she was doing 'ok' in school. Her reasoning skills are 'limited borderline'. She did manage to get her high school diploma and was accepted to a college for a library technician course. However, she's been suffering 'depression' since 2010. I should mention she was bullied all through school and had a high school teacher tell her (along with another student) that 'no sane person laughs like that' (she was in the resource room at the time - doing homework). She's taken this thoughtless statement to heart and now seems refers to 'the sane world' like she's not in it.
She no longer reads, rarely speaks - doesn't self-regulate her bathing.
We've tried medication, psychologists, psychiatrists. I try to engage her as much as possible and sign her up for 'groups' through the Geneva centre and Surrey pl.

I guess I feel like she was managing and now she's not and I don't know what to do to help her.
The most recent medication was "Abilify" - but it didn't seem to make a difference.

She has a brother a year and a half younger. He seems to be a "NT". He's working, dating, driving a car - all the things she's not doing - and I find myself feeling frustrated/angry/jealous on her behalf.

Some of the 'workers' and 'doctors I meet suggest that I should be looking into a 'group home' for her. I'm so angry because I feel that she had potential and that would be 'giving up'. I don't want to leave her helpless if I should die, but putting her on 'the list' is a problem too.

I apologize for the length of my post - it's the first real online forum I've used.

Just wanted to chime in and say I have a daughter who was diagnosed recently at the age of 18. I understand the range of emotions you probably feel as I feel I have gone through a lot of emotions through the years too. But I am so glad we finally know what was going on all this time!
Seems like a lot of girls maybe especially in the age group our daughters are in "flew under the radar" in school, etc. My daughter had a diagnosis of learning disabilities since she was young, but we never really heard or knew anything about high functioning autism when she was younger.

Ends up the diagnosis fits her perfectly. It has taken a lot of stress off of her in a way since she always wondered why she was "different".
And she is really happy about it. She was able to graduate high school with no supports, but it was really tough for her. I think more than we even realized unfortunately.

Like you, I am concerned for my daughter's future, but I have told her that it doesn't change what she can do with her life in any way. She can still pursue a career, be a girlfriend/wife, and mom if she chooses to. Our daughter's may have a little different way of doing/being, but they are great people and deserve to know that I think!

My biggest role for now I think is to support her and let her know her family loves her. They may be a little slower to be "out on their own", but that's ok. I've had to change my way of thinking with that, but I do believe she will be fine in the long run. But it's going to be on her terms, not what others "expect" from her.

Have you or your daughter read the book "Aspergirls" by Rudy Simone? My daughter really loves it and finds so much understanding in it. I thought it was a great read for parents too. My daughter has said she doesn't agree with everything the author says or even have some of the challenges, etc. But a lot of it she really identified with. And I love reading this forum. I have learned so much!