Please help my son is stalking a girl during school...

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He never texted her. He followed her around school. She gave him the wrong phone number. He emailed her our home address and his phone number,asking her to call. Instead she showed some friends of hers, and they began texting my son. It's very out of character for my son to do something like this, and he's never needed an aid. He didn't understand she wasn't interested. He's been told to leave her alone and her friends and the same vice versa. He's been extreamly remorseful. Not the first time a teenage boy crossed the line trying to socialize with a crush. Nt or not. No one would even think about assigning a nt boy an aid for trying to mess with a girl he likes who's not interested : / I disagree such actions would be necessary unless it was a repeat offense.

What made the difference is the girl's parents actually meeting him. My nephew was texting junk like I want to sniff your butt, and other stupid 6 year old kid potty humour. He thought it was hysterical. Not so much to a very mature 15 year old teen age girl.

The girl didn't know him, and their social groups would never intersect.

As for punishment, the school really backed off. The unwanted contact lasted for 3 months, the girl hid it from her parents, then they found out. All hell broke loose after that.

I don't think my nephew understands what he did wrong. He thinks they didn't like his "jokes". His parents gave him a kiddie phone with preprogrammed phone numbers, no texting. The next mess up and he's gone for the year.

Everyone one pushed for zero tolerance for cyber bullying and such around here. This is the collateral damage of that.

InthisTogether and Elijahsmom---You two are both very good and brave moms! My son is only 9, so I am just very fearful of what lies ahead for him as I know he is very interested in technology and also tries to be social even though his attempts sometimes come off as odd. I guess I have no idea what or how I will handle these things so that is why I come to WP to get help. Take care!

I was not where I am now when my son was 9. The great thing about kids is that as they grow up, we get to "grow up" as parents, too. There are still things that will happen when he is 15, 16, 18, 21, 25, etc, that I have no idea how I will handle them, but by then I will have more years of experience as a parent under my belt, so I guess I will get there!

This reads like he followed her, she didn't like it, and then she got other kids to harass your child because she didn't like his following her. A painful lesson is that when people hurt us or cause us to be hurt by others we have to stay away. As others said I'd monitor his texts, email and social media and explain that if anyone bothers him it's important to tell an adult because hearing this you can teach him.....and now, he needs to stay away from her.

But while he shouldn't have bothered her, the other children aren't innocent here and you don't want this to recur, I'd make sure he understands you get it, they are being confusing and cruel......for what reason the girl went to her friends to harass him instead of telling an adult in the first place? Probably knew your son was not understanding.....and I think she should have gone to an adult instead of creating drama. I'm glad you caught this now!!

My heart hurts for you and your son EliasandJonahsmom. Hang in there!

At Waterfalls, sure those kids could have handled this better. But they're kids. And it's a pretty disturbing experience getting followed around and getting unwanted attention.

I can also understand why she might not have gone to an adult. Too often the response is "he's harmless" or treating it like it's kind of cute. It isn't. And while I'm inclined to agree that the OP's assessment of her son is that he is harmless, I don't think that's an assumption that the girl in question should have to make.

I've known too many girls who've been stalked and it ruins their lives while it's happening. Constant stress, constant low-level (or higher) fear. The girl who Tawaki's nephew texted with things like "I want to sniff your butt" has every right to assume that this is an unwanted and potentially threatening sexual approach rather than how it may have been meant as some kind allegory to dogs or the bathroom humour of a 6 yr old.

At the same time, I think these things do need to be handled with sensitivity - which is actually why I'm against any kind of 'zero tolerance' that doesn't take account of circumstances and intention.

It is also possible that the girl thought she was doing him a favor by not involving adults. I don't know that we have enough information to know specifically what went on.

Either way, he has to know what is appropriate and what is not. It would not hurt to remind him to be wary of kids telling him someone likes him, and wary of people telling him to do things that are against the rules or social norms. (These things would need to be specifically stated and I have no idea how to give him a comprehensive list.)

I know the girl was annoyed, creeped out and scared. My son also has been a complete mess since it happened. His anxiety has spiked. He holds his hands in tight fists in front of him now. He is having trouble sleeping. His self esteem as taken a massive blow. A handful of teachers and the principal, besides his parents too, have all been talking to him about it. I'm not looking for empathy for him, what he did was wrong. He did however walk into a social situation he thought he had understood and unintentionally made an ass out of himself. He didn't walk into it im certain with ill intent. He is normally an overly sweet, sensitive, respectful boy. If he knew all this would happen, I know he never would have gotten into it in the first place. He thought he was doing a good thing by trying to socialize with a girl he has a crush on. I've found a social skills group this summer I think I'm signing him up for. It's a 3hour a day program for adolescents, teaching social skills. Including how to act respectfully around the opposite sex. I have not been able to find anything suitable up to this point, but I've got fingers crossed this group will be a good fit, and it can't hurt to try. Also now his anxiety meds are being adjusted. He's been crazy anxious about starting high school,next year as well. He came home crying from school Friday because they saw a clip about the holocaust in social studies class and he was extreamly upset that happened. Some of my family has some German in it and I had to explain that no body now days feels the way Hitler did. He was upset war has to happen sometimes, and he said he wanted to go back in time so he could kill Hitler. Oy..... I think it's time for anxiety meds to get raised a bit. He's too sweet, normally I don't think that would be quite as upsetting to him. To the point of crying. Idk well see, one day at a time.

I was maybe too vague trying to be pleasant.

It sounds like OPs child was annoying the girl by following her, not sure if that constitutes stalking, but he should learn no means no. However, he is the one on the spectrum, these kids know better, or should, than to be having multiple people sending all kinds of texts to stop bothering the girl.....they're told over and over not to be nasty in text messages or social media, over and over they are told that it can lead some kids to desperate acts, talk to the person face to face or tell an adult.....I don't believe a group of kids sending multiple texts is innocent of trying to keep him out of trouble, and As ASDMommy said, I do think he needs to be wary if anyone tells him someone likes him. Especially these kids. Probably they meant no harm.....but they've been taught not to do this and did it anyway, probably set him up, and now the texting.....thankfully OP caught it and can put a stop to it. But I don't think this was innocent on anyone's part. Nor evil on anyone's part. But you don't have to intend to start a forest fire to carelessly start one. And they should not have fired off a texting campaign. Not saying OPs child has nothing to learn......just, what he needs to learn.....is sometimes people just can't be trusted when you think they're being nice.

I see OP has posted since I wrote this, I am posting anyway.....he didn't deserve to be a toy for people to play with, and he does deserve to have friends. I am wondering, did he think these children were his friends?

I feel empathy for your child and think helping him feel life can go back to normal, here is what to do, and not talking too much about what happened might be best. If he was manipulated, he's likely too confused by what happened to sort out right now, maybe best just to give him direction what TO do. Trying to talk about it may make him anxious or fall apart without any benefit. PM me if you'd like.

I think he thought the girl he liked was his friend. She's cute, active in school, popular...she could very well have been nice to him knowing how he is, and he mistook it as flirting maybe. That's what I think happened, but there's no way I can retrieve that information. My son doesn't want to talk about it anymore as he has been blasted from all sides to stay away from her and is now a hot mess of nerves. I'm not going to further pursue what happened, but work on im proving future social skills. I don't think he ever thought her friends were being nice to him. I didn't get that impression.

Hmm sounds like some mixed messages on the part of this girl...gives him a fake phone number and then has her friends start texting him to pass on the messege she's not interested. I can see how it would be confusing if he didn't hear it from her that she wasn't interested...middle school/high school girls can be pretty mean actually and its not uncommon for them to try to break up relationships they don't like...for someone who has difficulties understanding all this social stuff that can be very confusing....he could have thought they where just bothering him because they didn't like the idea of him being interested in their friend. Also pursuing a social interest is hardly the same thing as forcing anyone to do something they don't want to especially if said social interest and or crush doesn't clearly express they want the person to stop because they are not interested...telling their friends to tell that 'creepy' kid that they aren't interested and knowing what goes on in that age group in public school....probably go past that and make fun of him or be mean rather than just passing along the messege is not a clear way of communicating any message. There where times in my adolecence I sometimes thought people wanted to be friends later to find that really wasn't the case and they where annoyed at me 'following them around'


But yeah having an aid follow around a adolecent/teen unless absolutely necessary...is just going to single them out further and give other kids a reason to pick on them for being 'special' lets be real no kid wants that and it doesn't exactly help them either. And some aides just seem rude its like they wont even let the person express them self at all.

As the mother of girls who I feel are, in their own ways, vulnerable, my perspective may be different. I'm writing about what I think, what I've experienced, and what I teach and want for my daughters so I and they can try to be safe. I understand though different people, different perspectives.

Of course, we all see it from our own perspectives.

Having both a boy who could innocently find himself on the accused "stalker" side, and a daughter who could find herself on the victim side, both possibilities are equally horrifying. I don't think everyone can understand the terror of recognizing that your kid could make an innocent mistake that could have severe repercussions, simply because of his disability. This kind of stuff can follow you.

Although in principle I am in favor of zero tolerance policies, the irony has often become apparent when I consider my own son. My hope is that because he is so naive and gentle, if ever there were an issue surely the school will see the truth...but zero tolerance is zero tolerance. The truth is, zero tolerance protects my daughter, but it serves to potentially victimize my son. Cruel kids play on his naivete. We have already had more than one incident of him being told that this or that girl likes him when really they don't. Luckily, he has never pursued it.

Yet.

I don't see zero tolerance as keeping anyone safer necessarily. My perspective seems to be more protective of OPs son than many feel, that really surprises me.