Adult son spends all his time in his room

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Hi Everyone

I am so sad, my adult son spends all his time in his room. Anyone else missing their child? He has friends and a brother who they spend time with so they’re not totally alone. Anyone else missing their child?

One might think of Aspergers as a neurological variant that has a faster, more complex, or more sensitive neurology. This can result in a higher level of anxiety sometimes even exceeding discomfort to levels of pain. For children life can become a narrow focus of avoiding what is uncomfortable.

Often neglected are skills to "push through" discomfort. When a child grows into an adult without the skills to tolerate occasional discomfort, he can find himself circumscribed to an increasingly smaller territory.

As a parent, one might try to remedy the developmental deficiencies through bribery, exhortation, or logical appeal. As your son ages, he may begin to appreciate the hindrance his lack of skill imposes on him and be willing to take small steps to expand his skills.

If approached as a program of experimental steps, he might be enticed to attempt to broach the uncomfortable.

Thank you for your reply, much appreciated.

Something in the outside world will interest him at some point. You may have to push gently here and there. He's probably generally alright, but I'm sure all of us need encouragement sometimes to find our next great thing.

I had an astonishing conversation with my mother in law a few weeks ago. She said she had been so worried about my husband when he was a teenager and she was thankful for me coming along. It was hard for me to rewind in my mind, because when he and I met I was amazed that someone so fascinating and wonderful would even talk to me. But from her perspective, he was in trouble. And maybe he was. Maybe he needed a girl to impress before he could be amazing.

Your kid will find a great friend, or interest, or job, and it will make a big difference. There's always something good around the corner.

I spent all my time in my room as well when I was young. That was only place where I felt "safe" and that it was okay to be myself.

Of course I would have felt a lot safer and more like I could be myself if my brother wasn't constantly coming in to play his guitar, make fun of the stuffed animals I had lined up on shelves, and make snarky remarks about whatever I was watching on TV. But heaven forbid if I went into his room without permission and did things!

We all need a quiet place where we can be alone when our senses can't handle all the noise and chaos and general stupidity of the world. Although for me now, that is virtually all the time.

I understand this. And I miss my son sometimes too. He does the same thing he’s 27 years old. He does come out of his room to talk to me once in a while to eat. We’ve set times where we get together and do activities. Like we read together we try to do it a few times a week. And we play a game of Uno together once a week. I know it’s not much but it’s a lot when your son spends his time in his room like ours does.

Hey, I totally get where you’re coming from. It’s tough when kids get older and retreat to their rooms a lot. Even if they’re not lonely, it can feel like you’re missing that connection. Maybe try casually inviting him to hang out without pressure? Sometimes just knowing you’re there makes a difference. You’re definitely not alone in feeling this!