Struggling with diaper changes and odd new behaviour

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Since he is very high functioning, he is capable of learning consequences. If he won't do potty breaks, maybe leave him in his soiled diaper, leave places when he poops, have him start cleaning himself up. Why isn't he wiping his own ass? He should be changing his own diapers now. He can even rinse his own butt off in the tub. I had my own son doing that when he had encropresis. If he got poop all over, i made him clean it up. It was also hell dealing with.

Some children need harsh discipline. I sure got it. It taught me well. Me and my own husband had fought over how I handled our son but hey, this was how I was raised so "have a childhood" my ass. That is no excuse to be disgusting and making messes and not being held accountable.

I hated wet pants so I let my mom take me to the toilet or used one at school whenever teachers requested it. I did not wear diapers.


If your son stinks, tell him "I see you pooped yourself, i dont like the smell so I dont want to play with you because I dont like the smell."

If he gets sores, tell him "that is because you stayed in your poopy diaper for too long."

"You're too old to be getting your diaper changed, you need to do it yourself now if you aren't going to be using the toilet."

If he ever thinks other people's poop is gross, tell him that is how you feel about his when you smell it or see it.

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts with me. I really appreciate your honesty and perspective.

I always try to change him right away when he’s pooped, mostly to avoid rashes and irritation, but also to show him how it’s supposed to be handled. He, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to care much, whether he’s wet or messy doesn’t seem to bother him at all. I’ve tried to explain to him that if you stay in a poopy diaper too long, it can really start to hurt, but he just laughed at me when I said that.
Sometimes, when we’ve been out, I’ve waited until we got home to change him, mostly because I get nervous. He can have sudden outbursts, and I worry what could happen if I’m not prepared, like him running away.

There was even a period when I honestly started to wonder if he was doing some of this just to get a reaction from me. For example, sometimes he’ll stop right in front of me and poop, then just walk away like nothing happened. I’ll ask him if he even notices that he’s pooped, but he doesn’t respond, and when I go to take care of it, that’s often when the fighting starts.

Of course I try to set boundaries. Sometimes he’ll come over wanting to read a book together, and if I notice he’s pooped, I’ll tell him we need to change his diaper first before we can read. That often ends with him throwing the book at me and walking off to his room. Then I usually have to carry him to the bathroom, which makes him very upset, he kicks and screams the whole way.

As for letting him change himself, I don’t think he’s ready. I’m also a little scared because he had a phase some time ago when he started smearing poop. Thankfully, it didn’t last very long, but it’s something that still worries me sometimes.

I believe the most time-consuming part of changing Patrick is loading and unloading him from the chair-lift

Otherwise, if you take that away like I said the procedure is really no different than changing a baby's diaper!

My mom goes through a similar process as Patrick to change her diaper I think

Maybe you can just do away with diapers all together and make him wear training pants or underwear. If he does well and uses the toilet, praise him. If he has an accident, change him or get him to change himself. If he insists on wearing diapers, tell him that he's going to have to clean up his own messes from now on.

Thanks so much for your advice, I really do appreciate it. I’ve actually tried potty training several times, but his doctor has explained that he likely doesn’t get, or doesn’t understand, the signals the body normally gives when you need to pee or poop. He simply doesn’t seem to notice when he needs to go. And even when he’s had an accident, whether he’s in a diaper or just underwear, he doesn’t seem to care, he just keeps doing whatever he was doing.

So unfortunately, he’s just not ready yet.

Thanks .

For me, the biggest problem is that my son doesn’t want to change his diaper, especially when he’s pooped. He could honestly walk around all day in a dirty diaper and not care at all. It usually happens when he’s in his room playing, and getting him to stop what he’s doing is almost impossible. He gets so focused, and when I come in and try to get him to take a break so we can go change, he just loses it. He gets really upset and starts yelling and kicking. It’s such a struggle every time.

^yeah perhaps he just doesn't understand the signals and cues

Exactly, that’s what his doctor thinks too. I’ve tried reading books to him about how the body works, but he’s just not interested. I’ve also tried asking him about it when I’ve clearly seen he’s pooped, like gently asking if he noticed anything or if he felt it happening, but he just laughs at me and moves on like nothing happened.

I mean how long does he do this after pooping? like is it really a problem issue...I mean idk if bouncing on the toilet for a bit after pooping makes him feel better about it I guess I don't really see the harm. LIke idk some little kids struggle with potty training and pooping and peeing...but making them feel ashamed about it probably is not very encouraging.

Also, idk he might also be bouncing if he feels a little backed up, like maybe he feels a little constipated and is just trying to get it to come out. But that is why I feel like it might be a good idea to approach it with more understanding and less disapproval so he will feel safe to tell you more. LIke maybe it's a phase, maybe it makes him feel better if hes nervous about pooping or maybe he's feeling constipated or maybe he has found a bit of humor in pooping and laughing about it makes him feel more comfortable(idk kids are weird sometimes). but if you make him feel embarrassed or ashamed he might be afraid to tell you what's going on.

I'll preface by saying I'm not a parent but I've taken care of my younger siblings when they were really little and I've see other people in my family dealing with their kids before. The doctor's probably right about rushing things. Even if you're successful it can lead to night time issues later. One of my cousins ended up dealing with bed wetting until he was fourteen because, according to the doctor, his parents rushed him through his potty training.
As for your son throwing a tantrum when you interrupt his activities to change him, I would never recommend spanking or striking him in any way. I'd recommend, after first warning him you will and thus giving him the opportunity to comply, taking away whatever it is he's doing that he's refusing to stop and putting it where he won't be able to take it back. If it's a toy take it from him, if it's a game take the controller, if it's the tv unplug the cables, etc. Tell him sternly that he can have it back if he lets you change him without making a fuss. If he does still throw a fit, which he likely will at the start, let him. Obviously keep a close enough eye on him to make sure he doesn't get hurt but pretend to ignore him until he calms down again. Once he's calm then talk to him. Tell him that if he lets you change him without throwing another fit he can have whatever you took away back after an amount of time you deem fit depending on how long his tantrum lasted. Generally I would say at least half an hour but no more than three hours.

Thanks for your thoughtful message.

It’s actually been a few weeks now since I last saw him doing the bouncing thing. I’ve noticed it tends to come and go in phases. What’s still a big issue, though, is that he refuses to let me change him after he’s pooped. I’m guessing that might be connected to the other behaviour somehow.

We follow a daily schedule so he knows what to expect throughout the day, and that really helps. But when he’s in the middle of playing, he just won’t take a break, especially not for a diaper change. If I try to interrupt him, it turns into a full meltdown. I think his outbursts in those moments are because of both things, he doesn’t want me to change his diaper, and he really doesn’t want to stop what he’s doing.

Thank you for your input, I really appreciate that you took the time to write all of this.

I totally agree about not spanking, that’s never been something I would consider. And I do try to give him a little warning ahead of time, so it’s not a sudden interruption. But the problem is that he still refuses, no matter how gentle or clear I try to be. He’s very sensitive and gets overwhelmed really quickly, especially when I try to stop him in the middle of something he’s focused on.

I’ve also tried taking things away, like his tablet or toys, but it only makes things worse. He gets even more upset, starts screaming, and it always ends the same way, with me having to carry him into the bathroom while he’s kicking, hitting, and yelling the whole time.

I know he needs to learn that when you’ve pooped, you don’t just sit in it, you go get cleaned up. But it’s like he doesn’t understand that yet, or maybe he just refuses to accept it when he’s in the middle of something he enjoys. It’s exhausting, and I’m honestly not sure how to get through to him.

I still remember being potty trained. I couldn't understand the point of it because I thought the system we had in place worked quite well.

He's going to throw a tantrum when you first starting taking things away. He's angry that you took it and thinks that throwing a tantrum will get you to return it. You need to remain firm and not give in. Don't try to deal with him while he's having his tantrum. Don't carry him to the bathroom. Just ignore him. It will teach him that throwing a tantrum will not work to get what he wants. Discreetly keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn't get hurt, but just ignore him while he's throwing his tantrum. Look like you're reading a book, texting, going about your daily routine. If you don't give him any attention and don't give in eventually he'll tire himself out and calm down. That's when you deal with him.

Thanks for the idea. But I kind of feel like that’s what he wants, that I just leave him alone. That’s part of why I’ve been trying to get him to take a break when it’s time to change, even if he’s busy. I want him to learn that sometimes we have to pause things, and that when you’ve pooped, you need to go and get changed.

But maybe it could be worth trying. I’m just not sure, it feels a bit like letting him be the one who decides, and I don’t really feel comfortable with that.

It took me a little while to get to the point of being 100% potty-trained but I managed to get there!! !

I wore diapers until I was 10 years old because I didn't feel confident in underwear yet, so the transition was a bit slow

Also, I still occasionally have minor (or major if it's diarrhea) accidents though

The reason I am saying all of this is give your son grace and understanding with the potty-training situation!

It takes longer for people with disabilities like Autism to achieve milestones of "normal" people (neuro-typicals)