Aspie child and sexual intrest

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Hello all I have a BIG problem that I do not have the slightest idea on how to handle. My son Jon is 11 yrs old and is an aspie he has been getting increasingly curios about sex. it began when he was 10 where when I was checking the one pc's history he hit 72 sites in one day then this past summer he had his 4 yr old cousin in his room with the door closed (she is not allowed in either of our kids rooms and knows she is not allowed in there) and the door was locked when they were made to open it her shirt was on backwards and pants were not buttoned. this is becoming an increasing problem that I do not know how to deal with it both of the kids puters have net nanny installed on them and my wifes pc has kaspersky internet security on it to block the sites but he has fond a way around it by receiving stuff in his e-mail today while I was sleeping (i work nights) my daughter told my wafe that my son just walked in her room (where is not allowed to go) with his "little jon" sticking straight out (he has had spontaneoues erections since he was about 4 yrs old) and proceeded to tell his 8 yr old sister to perform oral gratification to him (am trying to keep this as clean as possible ) so of course she ran and told her mother she woke me up at 3 telling me I need to talk to him again I told him no pc access for 2 weeks (except for school) I know that is social services got wind of the going ons in this they will try to remove him. has anyone else had similar problems or any ideas on how to deal with this or links to any other forums or sites that address this issue I am at a loss for words on how to explain this to him he says he understands but then turns around and does it again!! ! PLEASE HELP!! !! any advice is wanted and needed desperately Both of the kids are my wife's children from a previous marraige (he died of brain cancer) and I do not have the experience of dealing with issues like this in an appropriate way.


thanks guys for your time and advice

The worst thing you could do is treat this like it is a secret.

You (as his parents) need to talk to him about what is ok and what isn't. I would highly recommend you talk to him about self gratification in private and how that is the only acceptable sexual contact untill he has a consenting partner in a committed relationship (or whatever your values are).

Absolutly I would say he is not to be left alone with other children without supervision untill he understands the difference between social, sexual, apropriate, and inapropriate. It is not acceptable to passivly allow him to violate other children.

Hopefully (for him) you guys can convince him to do what he needs to do by himself in private, so he won't fall into doing something that is actually harmful.

You received some great advice there from shaggydaddy.

The hard part is that right now your son is going to need a lot of supervision, even to the point of checking on him to make sure he is where he says he will be, etc. Going by what you describe, it appears that he has a very willfull temperament (as opposed to being eager to please). Kids like that need extremely firm boundries and consequences. Telling them the rules is almost never sufficient. And even giving them consequences isn't enough if they are also given the opportunity to disobey you behind your back.

You did the right thing in restricting his PC access. In my opinion it would be perfectly reasonable to tell him that he cannot use the computer at all unless you or your wife are in the room. He will learn that in order to be treated as a trustworthy person, he has to be a trustworthy person.

Is your wife working or out of the house during the hours when you need to sleep, but the kids are home? If so... you might consider that this set-up may simply not be tenable at this point in time. Even if it means living more frugally, spending extra on a babysitter is a worthwhile investment for protecting your daughter and making sure your son has the guidance and limits he needs.

Last edited by gwenevyn on 27 Nov 2007, 6:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yea i would address that issue right away, especially before he hits his teenage years and gets older and stronger.

Alot of ASD children become very interested in sexual stuff at a very young age. I know I was one of the them, this sounds weird, but I can remember starting to hump my bed at the age of 3, yes creepy, my family just thought it was cute haha. Well anyways i became very vunlerable, at the age of 7 and half, i was molested and over the years sexually abused, assaulted, tortured, and raped.

It is very important you get this situation taken care of right away, and just like shaggydaddy said, talk to him whats private, whats right, whats wrong right away! And never leave him alone with children. If you explain to him that why its wrong, and whats right, try using pecs, so it'll come across easier for him to understand and be a more efficient way of explaining it to him.

Also I would also supervise his computer time also, and just make sure that what hes doing is wrong, but don't make it seem like hes committing a murder, try to help him as much as you can.

This is such an important point! Most of us, as parents, make the mistake of being too wishy-washy or too authoritarian. It's entirely possible to lay down firm rules while also empathizing and acting as a helper not just a rule-maker ... and that's really the best way to go.

(Doesn't come easily though. Personally, I encounter a lot of difficulty with the empathy part at times.)

Hard topic to discuss, it scares me to think about giving 'the talk' to a kid I may end up having one day. I suppose just be honest and caring but tell it how it i about the consequences for actions as well.

Not something I have had to deal with but know its to do with the sensory issues he may just need to be taught other ways to communicate? A large part of the problem is 1. a lack of empathy and b. inability to read social cues. Also, the touching could be that child's obsessive behavior, instead of the more traditional trains, lego, computers etc.

If explaining to him the rights and wrongs and he does not listen, try clear consequences and tell him how it makes others feel sad and that it hurts them emotionally.You have to constantly reaffirming inappropriate behavior. When indoors and outdoors quite firm NO. some kids just need to be told over and over until they get it, with clear consequences.

Do not give up, as it can take time and often you may feel he has it and will do it again and when ask he may just say he forgot. So be very clear and consistent with what you tell him, and everyone else needs to your parents, school etc... but do remember lots & lots of praise when he does make the effect.

I have also heard that social stories can help a lot, over explaining, when it is not appropriate to touch etc, use very plain language that he'll understand, but you should also really be working closely with the school on this - do they know he has aspergers....

As should really of started training him when younger, so not unexpected behaviour, but you MUST deal with this now and/or get help. In terms of treatment, it would depend to a degree on what is available where you are, and what understanding the school etc have about AS. If it was NZ, I would expect (hopefully) a co-ordinated response from the school and SES to monitor the child, including teaching the other children to respond to it, and probably a strict behaviour modification-type programme to catch the behaviour before it happens, and reeducate a more socially acceptable response.

Its not some think you should deal with alone, as if not treated correctly now, the consequences could be a lot worse.

You're here telling us that your son has sexually abused his sister and a toddler cousin-- I think social services should be involved! Are you not concerned about how this will affect these girls? He needs to be in therapy, and honestly, no, he should not be living in the same home as his sister, at the very least your daughter needs to have either you or your wife with her at all times, even at night for sleeping. No young female relatives should be in your house, period. I see you mentioned elsewhere (I think) that you homeschool. So your daughter is basically trapped in the house with a predator all day? I'm sorry but I don't think you're taking this seriously enough.

I am no fan of psychiatrists, social services, and I do homeschool one of my children. But the situation that you describe is so alarming that you need to take drastic action immediately. Clearly there is no "explaining" this to him. He needs to see a child psychiatrist, you need to explain to a professional what is going on.

I hope you do the right thing here, and "outsource" your son's problem. This is not natural child curiosity, it's predatory behavior, and unless it is stopped now, imagine what he'll be like when he's a teen or adult. He needs professional help!

Maybe that's why I started masturbating at year and a half. But I only remember doing it young as three in my stroller. I use my baby blanket and rub it between my legs.

I started "exploring" down there at age 3 or 4, but I don't think it's AS-specific. I am sure that NTs are exploring themselves in that way at that age as well.

Tim

My first reaction compared to many other posters is more from a technological viewpoint.

Does your internet service provider have parental controls? If he is getting his porn via e-mail, AOL has parental controls that will block him from receiving any e-mails with attachments, pictures or hyperlinks. That should put a stop to him recieving porno through the e-mail. You can also set controls on where he visits on the internet, who may contact him through instant messenger, the amount of time he can spend on the internet and an activity report of where he goes on the internet.

If you are still nervous about his internet access there is a rather simple remedy you can use rather than trying to ban him from using the internet. Simply set up a desk or table in the family room or a section of the living room and bring all of the kids computers out of the bedrooms and set them up here.

As for the hanky-panky with his younger sister behind locked doors, my advice is to take the lock off the door or remove the door entirely and replace it with a curtain.

And yes I would have that little talk with him about what is appropriate and not appropriate. Should he be closely supervised around other kids? Yes I agree on this. You might try organized activities for him to take his mind off of sexual interests.

I am not sure if punishment by banning computer use would work because invariably he is going to try and sneak around this. Rather than a reactive approach(punishment after the fact), I would go with a more proactive approach(i.e. reduce the opportunities for committing the act in the first place). Just my ideas on this.

A school I used to work for in IT used a corperate firewall. You wouldent believe the amount of porn that students and teachers (yes teachers) go through that thing. They had a full time person sitting there and babysiting it.

As part of their normal development, boys often experience a high level of testosterone production at about four years of age. This usually tapers back to a lower level by the time the boy reaches the age of five.

According to THIS ARTICLE (LINK) in the American Journal of Psychiatry, autistic children may experience changes in left-hemisphere function as a result of abnormal levels of testosterone production, possibly as early as the foetal stage.

As the authors state, these are preliminary findings. However, I agree with previous posters that frank sexual aggression against younger children is NOT a trivial matter. Urgent action (and yes, compassion as well) is needed here.

Sexual interest for children is normal. If the OP had come here and said his son was looking at porn, honestly, I would have shrugged.

Sexually predatory behavior in children is not normal. He targeted a much younger victim with the toddler, had the wherewithal and awareness to lock the door. These things show planning and predation. A younger victim is easier to control. Locking the door shows he was aware that he was doing wrong but took measures to avoid being caught. The fact that he is now crossing lines and acting out in front of his mother with his sister is a very serious indicator to me.

I hope the girls involved get therapy too. One of the worst things you can do in a child sexual abuse case is to think that the "child is too young to remember" or "too young to be affected" and dismiss it. It is also a grave error to assume that because the perpetrator is a minor, that the victim will not suffer harm. An older child sexually abusing a younger child can be just as damaging as an adult perpetrator abusing a child.

Another thing: if the toddler did not show signs of fighting or protesting the time he was caught molesting her, chances are this was not the first time it happened. Acceptance and compliance are signs of ongoing sexual abuse.

A FOUR year old being molested by an 11 year old-- who will look practically like an adult to her-- is not "hanky panky." It's sexual abuse. Do you think the toddler locked the door?

An 11 year old may not think the same way as an adult. But whether you call it hanky panky or sexual abuse you want to put a stop to it in its tracks.

No the toddler did not lock the door. The 11 year old locked the door which is why I recommended taking off the lock or removing the door altogether and replacing it with a curtain.