Made the mistake of reading the parent's forum

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Most animals don't poop where they sleep, though. To be on par with that, you'd have to teach your kid to do his business outside. But it's cold outside sometimes, and that's why we have an indoor potty.

Well, very true.

I have nothing against toilets. I use them myself.

Sorry, I'm used to having to rationalize everything to my son.

Thank you for saying this. Passing has a huge cost, because it never becomes natural. I spent so many years passing I eventually broke down. I am still struggling with identity issues to this day and I think I always will. That's the thing about passing. To be successful at it is to accept that who one is is not good enough and that to be worthy of acceptance in society one must act all the time and hide one's true nature. This destroys the psyche.


A catch-22 for sure.

I have a statement to throw into the mix, to see what people think:

It is one thing to give your kids the skills they need to "pass" when they want/need to.

It is an entirely different thing to force them to "pass" because it is what you want for them.

I will admit. I love my kids, even when their quirk is in full blazing glory. But they both can pass fairly well. And if I am honest, it is because I have helped them learn how to do it. Painstakingly. We have spent hundreds, maybe even thousands of hours on it over the years. I don't think that means that I don't love them and embrace their neurology. I am confident both of my kids know I love them just the way they are. But I definitely have taught them how to use the toilet

Androbot01, Do you think there is a difference between feeling like you have to pass, and feeling like you can pass if you want to?

Well, when I was young and undiagnosed I felt that I had to pass, desperately. I knew there was something different going on in my mind, something that I didn't want anyone to be aware of. And I became very good at it. For awhile.
After my diagnosis, I embraced my autism and for two reasons I don't try to pass anymore: 1) I no longer have the physical or mental strength to do it, and 2) I don't want to. These days I am trying to build my esteem and hopefully will one day find the self that I've damaged and hid for so long.

Honestly, I think you have to find a balance. Some skills are necessary for basic survival - like verbal communication. But smiling when you don't want to and making eye contact are not essential.

So to answer your question, yes there is a difference. If one has to pass, it is a violation against one's worth, if one can pass and chooses to use tools to do this, then it's up to the person if they want to.

Everyones brand of autism is different. In her case, this behavior and attitude is most definitely contributed to and complicated by autistic elements. It's next to impossible to tease out what is what, but autism plays a role. She only wants to engage in her special interests all the time, period, to the exclusion of anything else. It's definately an issue related to her autism.

It is a bit like code switching except for a couple of very major differences. The first is that the "programming" we switch from is wired and not just imprinted upon us by the surrounding local culture. The other, is that if you are lucky, you may have your immediate family and a few others accepting of this intrinsic programming. Most of the time out in the world is spent having to code-switch to something the culture at large finds acceptable without the comfort of having a lot of buffering.

At the same time, when alone (or with a select few) you can turn it off without having to become it. So you don't have to change, but you do have to be able to blend to a point.

(I remember seeing a reference to code switching by another poster and liked it. I apologize for not remembering who to attribute it to.)

DD is allowed to pee in the garden
And no, this thing you mention with society is not weird to me. It fits into the self-delusional nature of the average modern humans. What's the alternative they will ask you to society? People don't want to think for themselves. Too hard work. It's easier to follow the herds
This mother is worth mentioning. She put her son first and the judge agreed in the end

As long as it helps the plants grow--why not allow a kid to pee in the garden. I'll have to research the effects pee has on plants.

If you would meet me, Guzzle, I believe you'll change your view of Americans LOL

kraftie, you're jumping to conclusion.
I don't like this 'American Dream' thing.
Cause not all men are created equal now aren't they?
And men and woman, I take them as they come.
So if you're ever in Europe
Let me know

Thanks so much.

I think it would be cool to hang out!

I wish I could walk away from the American Dream.

Maybe not the pure "American Dream"

But there is merit to evolving from your present situation.

Check this out. Another alternative is this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVtic8OQaHQ but with some modern technology like electricity and plumbing.

In the sense that the writers intended? Yes, all people are equal.