Son Asking for Social Security Number

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I do got to update that part out.

Wait a min. Did you say 9 of the 11 cases recovered? Seriously? I thought Ebola had a high fatality rate?

We have good medical care.

The above is according to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC)

In the Congo area of Africa, there have been about 3,300 cases of Ebola during the present outbreak. About 2,200 people died, for a 66% mortality rate.

Quite high...but death is not absolutely inevitable like it is in Rabies.

The 18% US mortality rate is because of our better health care.

To the OP, these are the types of questions your child may encounter in a job interview. Has your child ever been in situations in which these things cropped up?

https://www.thebalancecareers.com/behav ... ws-2058575

If not, what do you believe their chances of success are in landing a job?

What if he's like me and only did what was required of him and nothing more and nothing less? What if he has never gone beyond the call of duty?

What if he was unable to make a decision that was unpopular?

What if we can't handle our schedule being interrupted due to rigid routine needs?

What if he can't work under pressure?

What if he could learn to cope with some of these obstacles and compensate for those he couldn't?

Possibly! Can you elaborate further please?

LoveNotHate posted jobs in which one works for the IRS I believe. It is a work at home job and no experience and only HS education is needed. I'll have to dig it up but he could try that. As well as try Kraftie's suggestion for civil service.

Well sweety, sometimes we can learn to overcome difficulties with certain skills with the right teacher/ mentor. We will always have weaker and stronger qualities but we don't need to give up on trying. I had an ASD student with a comorbidity of ADHD and dyslexia for many years. He could never internalize instructions or information. Luckily he was sent for an excellent screening test to award him accomodations in exams and the diligent person screening discovered that he only understands/ absorbs/ retains new information after hearing it 3 times in succession. Bingo!! ! Following that he transformed from being a fatalistic pessimist (he was 12 at the time) to having a technique to help him bypass this obstacle. Subsequently we had faith in trying new approaches and circumventing obstacles and replacing them with new strategies.

Many people with disabilities compensate by developing other positive skills. This student learned not to give up easily and be creative looking for solutions. He was 12 then, today he is 29 and working for a renowned finance company in an ASD friendly environment. I taught him right through university. If he couldn't deal with something I would tell him that we would find a way.One thing he was really incapable of doing was re-writing, rephrasing texts in his own words so I called his lecturer and asked him to pass him on that section of the exam and he agreed! He was surprised to hear that my student was autistic and said he was his best student.
Initially, as a kid, he would have a meltdown if I was 5 min late. I would arrive on time and sit in my car for five minutes so he would get used to it. I learned that if I made changes that he hated he would develop a tolerance for them in time. I knew in the adult world he could not survive in the workplace if he had a meltdown every time things didn't go as he expected. He learned to cope with many if not all things. Things can be learned or circumvented and alternative strategies implemented, we just need tenacity and patience.

I've worked with my son to help make sure they won't present a problem, and also so he can understand what work situations are likely to appreciate his own balance of skills and personality the most out of the box, requiring as little adapting and mine-field walking as possible.

He's had no problems at all in his summer and part time jobs.

Still working on obtaining the career one.

This isn't about what I expect, but about me doing my job. My job is to make sure he can live independently and help him find the best niche for doing so. We have talked about it SO much over the years.

1. I didn't have someone like you.

2. I didn't have the benefit of a diagnosis until I was 29.

3. I have other comorbid conditions outside of aspergers.

4. I had compesatory mechanisms until I really had to hit the job search and they didn't work. And, I didn't know if one arrived at 9:00 AM if that was your scheduled shift one was late. No one really explained.

5. I'm told to follow my passion. I'm no longer passionate or motivated by IT anymore.

6. I'm 40. I tried to get help but no one would provide the help I truthfully needed. The focus was on my attitude and not the actual issues I had. And, I needed someone to be my Henry Higgins and I still do if I am to be employed.

7. Another thing. It seems like one has to pretend to be something you're not in an interview. In other words, one is forced to be deceptive. This is one of the reasons I don't believe that I can be employed. One has to be fake, phony and this salesman. It feels all wrong and is unethical. Where can I be employed and be myself?

8. And, I can't take initiative if I don't know what my constraints and boundaries are and I am mostly unobservant and being observant is not natural to who I am.

9. Let's not forget personality either. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/20130923 ... ersonality. I don't have personality that he wants.

In other words, my aspergers combined with my comorbid issues and personality type does not fit with today's employers at all and I'm forced into something I can't do.

My life has certainly not turned out the way I wanted or hoped that it would be. I have, as many have, lost as much as is possible to lose economically, in my family, every possible thing.
What I have learned is to "make do."
I use the available resources to try and make my life as bearable and pleasant as possible.
Every day I wake up and callibrate myself to think of what I have and what I can do with it to get through the day.
Cube, I think you just need to think about living on your social benefits (SSRI?) and let go of any career plans that terrify you, or don't suit you. Just find things that satisfy you, stimulate your intelligence and learn to love and accept who you are. One day at a time. Have a little fun, and don't worry so much. If your parents pressure you just gently remind them that you are autistic and there are things that are beyond your ability to cope with. Find fun projects away from the rat race, with fellow aspie programmers. We have discussed this at great length. Big hug.

Thumbs Up!

Just to make sure we're on the same page what does it mean to "live independently" exactly?

To me, it means to be living separately from your parents, while paying at least half of your living expenses, budgeting on your own, and maintaining your house or apartment.

Good question, since I don't know if I've ever tried to define it. I think my answer is this: Ultimately that my adult children can live a relatively "normal" life if something happened to us parents. To not be dependent on us or aid from society.

Obviously the last piece isn't going to happen with a highly disabled adult child or anyone who doesn't have the right skill set for a living wage job, but a parent is still going to make sure they can cover as many bases as the adult child's skill set will allow. It's a matter of pride for any adult to NOT feel completely dependent and devoid of skill, so why wouldn't you give that to your child if you can? I've seen it with the highly disabled adults I've met: the more they can handle on their own, the happier they are. Most people take a lot of pride in the things they do on their own; being disabled doesn't change that. So good parents help their children maximize it.

Right now my son is living with us while he looks for a career job (and works on some of his unpaid passions, which he may eventually be able to monetize) but I can assign him things to do to help us out without worrying if he knows how to do it. If he needs instructions, he'll ask. I know he is capable of living independently and I'm just enjoying having him around during this relatively short life interlude.

My opinion and you may not like what I have to say.

a. You need to have a solid definition as to what you mean by "live independent" and what you mean by "normal life" written down.

b. You need to do a feasibility analysis on both your children and the society at large including employment including SWOT analysis. Don't just look at your child's strengths and weaknesses. You need to look at the opportunities and threats as well and continue to look at these things as time passes. The truth of the matter is what happens when your child is in that chair in the interviewer's office being interviewed or being on the phone. It is that interviewer who decides. It doesn't matter how intelligent your child is.

c. With b being said, is your child going to be able to be themselves? Or, are they going to have to pretend, like and fake their way through the interview and with their colleagues on a daily basis? This article is about white privilege and professional standards. https://ssir.org/articles/entry/the_bia ... _standards

I think the ideas can apply to us as well.

Is your child going to be able to meet the professional standards? Including eye contact? Not having a monotone voice? Firm handshakes? None of these are natural for me? And, let's not forget the idea of "taking initative." Will your child be able to do this? This requires observation skills. This requires the child to being able to intuit the wants and needs of the supervisors, bosses and management. Will your child be able to do this without an excellent theory of mind? And, let's say he simply doesn't see anything at all so he never thought about it?

Personally, I'm a deep, philosophical thinker who is always in my own head. I am naturally unobservant. So, can I really take the initative if I am this way?

You need to truthfully understand what you're dealing with when it comes to your children. And, look at it not from parent mode who loves her children dearly and think the world of them but look at it from the employer's perspective. How much time and money would it cost for any accomodations your kids may require? If they need further detailed instructions like I do how will that mesh with the employer who's main goal is to be in and run a business?

d. Parents are approaching employment the same way they approached when their children attended school. It does not work b/c the school's goal is to educate and they get their funding through tax dollars. Employers get their funding from profit by their customers. And, if your child is indirectly becoming a liability they won't be hired or they will be sacked quickly.

My opinion: You can't make someone into something they're not. Forcing an autistic person to mesh with an employer of today in which they would have to pretend to be something they're not does not work. It is not pride at all if one has to pretend and be a liar just to maintain one's livelyhood especially if it is at jobs you "can't" do and "don't want" to do. It does not work to go into an interview to answer a question of "why do you want to work here" especially if one may be forced to work at a job he may not wish to do all so one can have a livelyhood and be independent. How can they be honest and truthful then? It doesn't work. One can't fit a square peg into a round hole.

Employment of today is a whole bunch of double-think and mixed-signals. Can an All or Nothing Spectrimite really do this without having a sense of a fragmented mind? We're all told as we're growing up honesty is the best policy yet when it comes to employers it is apparently not. Thanks but no thanks! Pride isn't worth it! I'd rather my parents institutionalize me.