Kids say the darndest things

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My 8 year old Aspie daughter cracks me up assigning percentage values and made up values to things when she doesn't like them. For example, if she doesn't like something she'll say stuff like "I don't like it one bit, not even 1%", or "I don't like it even a crumb." And I know it's real bad when she says "I don't even like it not even one SPECK of a crumb!"

In the tone most other children would use to throw an ear splitting tantrum. While having her hair washed, from about 3.5 years of age to present (4.5).

"This is NOT a Preferred activity. YOU are making a POOR CHOICE. What an UNFORTUNATE EVENT! I would prefer that this DID NOT HAPPEN. THIS is NOT my FAVORITE SENSORY ACTIVITY!! ! This is NOT an appropriate thing to do to a small child!! ! You are making an UNWISE choice in forcing this sensation on aSMALL CHILD!! This is not my favorite ACTIVITY!! !! COULD YOU PLEASE MAKE A MORE WISE CHOICE!! !!

What makes it even more humorous is, aside from the very articulate wailing, she doesn't move a muscle and complies with the entire process.

I'm in love with your daughter, PenguinMom.

I asked Wade to clean off the toothpaste he has smeared across the bathroom mirror, but he made even more of a mess. My husband said, "Wade, do us a favor: don't do us any more favors" to which Wade replied, "Dad, that is quite the conundrum."

When my oldest was three, my husband and a few of his friends were talking and someone said "holler at your mom." Well, our son goes off with "holler at your basement." It was histerical and we still to this day have no idea where he got basement from that, lol.

Yesterday my 8 yr old daughter took her shoes off in the bathroom and I asked her to put them where she knows they go (by either the front or back door). She said she was going to put them right back on in a few mins so could she please leave them there? I reminded her that she says that all the time but I still end up finding them in places where they don't belong. She started to beg to be able to leave them there and that she wouldn't forget. She said "For real, mommy, I will remember! Cross my EYES, and hope to die!"

She looked confused and mad as I died laughing. But she did find it funny herself after I explained why I was laughing so hard.

Yesterday she also had me laughing when she came running into the house screaming in a panic "Call snake patrol! Call snake patrol! I just seen an enormous python!" I asked was she sure it was a python and she said yes. Then I told her that animal control would not come outside of the city limits to remove a python and especially since we are living in the country it's normal. She was such a drama queen as she re-enacted on the kitchen floor how it was laying on the ground looking at her with it's head raised up. I started to laugh and she yelled "This is serious! Would you be laughing if it slithered up to my neck and choked me to death?! Pythons can do that, mommy!" I humored her and went outside to see the enormous python... which turned out to be a grey pipe in the grass. LMAO

Driving off after picking her up from daycare she told me "I fell off the scooter at daycare today and damaged my ankle. I just scratched it so it's only a small amount of damage."

I so wish I had this conversation on tape.

me: "I love you, son."

him: "You sure do!"


(He tells me he loves me all the time too, btw. )

I remember this from when I was about 3. It's not hard to forget as my mum brings it up in conversation all the time.

I was playing in the garden and our next door neighbour came over to the fence and said "Our budgie died, isn't that sad!". I replied back to him "It's sad for you and its sad for the budgie, but its not sad for me because it's not my budgie!".

When my third son was three, we went our trick or treating. One of our neighbours was very heavy and when she came to the door he blurted out "You sure are fat".
Once we were home I sat him down and explained to him how we don't say things that you sure are fat to people because it hurts their feelings. I tried to give him an example stating that he wouldn't like it if someone said to him "you sure are ugly".
I had felt that we had a really good talk and that he understood however I realized I had a ways to go when he stated to me after our talk -
"OK, Mom, I won't say "you sure are fat anymore" because they're not fat, they're ugly"