I have a somewhat unique perspective on this subject.
When my then five year old was diagnosed as being on the spectrum, all of my research pointed to the fact that my 15 year old was also on the spectrum (but very mildly so). I was going through so many emotions that I didn't edit what I thought back then, and I very openly told my 15 year old that all of this explained him to some degree. I don't think he ever really took this to heart -- in fact, he may very much doubt that he's on the spectrum at all -- but telling him didn't matter much, because we were much more concerned about our five year old.
The 15 year old is now 22, finishing his bachelor's degree, preparing for graduate school, and is married. Life is going very well for him. He is aware of Asperger's Syndrome, can see that it affects many members in our family, and it's not a big deal.
The child who was five when diagnosed is now 13. He is a very sweet, innocent young man, and although he has some social deficits, he is doing relatively well. In his case, I think telling him now would be overwhelming. I don't think he considers himself different from his peers (which could be because more than a few of his peers would be on the spectrum themselves), and he is successful in school and in other aspects of his life. I plan on waiting until he is close to finishing high school before we tell him, because I want to allow him to continue to be successful, and have this "diagnosis" be more of a sidebar rather than the central focus of his life. I do think knowing might help him, but only when he is mature enough to see the whole deal as what it is -- a part of his character, but not the whole shebang.
09 Jul 2009, 9:19 pm
