Open Letter: Importance of Pets for an Aspie Child

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Guide dogs, Hearing Ear dogs, service dogs for people with physical differences, seizure alert dogs, dogs raised to be generalized service dogs, search and rescue dogs, drug detection dogs... there are many, many organizations out there with "rejects" (I would avoid potential police dogs, for obvious reasons). These are often dogs that just ended up "not quite perfect"-- kind of like us! They make amazing family pets, however. There are also waiting lists, but if you were to explain your situation, I bet people would take that into account. Guide Dogs for the Blind out of San Rafael, CA is probably the premier organization for potential guide dogs, but you may have better luck with a smaller group that is not as well-known.

Also, never discount the rescue dog from a good organization-- my dog took a pickup truck to the head (and side, shoulder and pelvis) and his owners didn't want their "broken" dog back, nevermind that he is the nicest dog I have ever met regarding children with special needs outside of a classmate's guide dog! There are thousands of mellow, good-natured, kid-friendly, go-ahead-and-bite-me-and-pull-my-ears, squeeze-me-REALLY-hard dogs out there, and many of them are put to sleep simply because they are not cute, little puppies anymore.

Guess whose special interest you hit on?

When my son was 6 we got a Cocker Spaniel for him. For the next 7 years he didn't seem to take much notice of the dog one way or the other, but from the age of 13ish his relationship with Max(dog's name) has gone from strength to strength. The affection between my son and his dog is a beautiful thing to watch and the comfort my son receives from Max is something he can't seem to get from even the humans who love him most. I highly recommend getting a pet if you can.

I've been watching Billy since I first read this open letter, with an eye towards his view of heirarchy. He has an excellent imagination, and has a stuffed dinosaur that he fully pretends is alive... and below him on the family heirarchy.

It will be interesting when in a year or so we get a pet if he will still 'need' that nasty, crusty old stuffed dinosaur.

Aspie1, I am going to admit, you've tilted the tide this time. I am getting my daughter her cat as a Christmas present. I figure Christmas doesn't require any of the previous conditions be met. She loves looking at the cats during free adoption time at the pet store, so I even know which one she wants.

For a while there, it looked like this thread got lost in the shuffle. But then it came back. I'm pleased by seeing the number of people agreeing with me on the pet issue; if only my parents were like that. Sentimentality aside, it looks like my concept of hierarchy/power/authority is being interpreted the way I intended it too. (Maybe the literary example helped?) In families without multiple same-age siblings, a pet can indeed play a crucial role.

Jimbeaux, it looks your son is doing the same thing I tried. I had a stuffed dog that vaguely resembled a Spaniel. I pretended it was real, and took care of it much like I would have of live dog (minus the walking, since I was terrified of losing it). No matter how much I pretended, I couldn't get into it like your son did; I knew it was simply a toy dog, albeit the one I'd take a bullet for. I had a blankie-type attachment to it, but never took it outside no matter what. Still, it could never fit into the hierarchy in the first place, because it wasn't a sentient being.

TimsMom, you seem to illustrate another point. Aspie children often have difficulty understanding emotions, including love/comfort/affection from family members, if it's not somehow made clear to them. This is exponentially more true in authoritarian families. So, when they can't "get" love from people, children often try to get the same things from pets. Your son, apparently, is doing just that. Ironically, to a lot of children, actions and emotions of pets seem a lot less mysterious than those of adults. That's what probably drives the relationship between your son and the dog.

DW_a_mom, this is probably a good time to point out some breed suggestions. I've had good experiences with Domestic Shorthair and Siberian cats (in friends' homes); they tend to have mellow personalities that mesh well with kids. Do some professional research on cat breeds to make your decision, though. And don't let the unclean room issue influence you. Remember: cats are fully sentient, rooms are not. Your daughter may be far more interested in taking care of a living thing that responds to her, as opposed to a space in a house.

If you're looking for a purebred cat, Ragdolls and Himalayans (sp?) are reputed to be quite good with children as well. I have also read that black cats make particularly good pets, being by nature less aloof than most other coat colors (and yes, there is research to prove this). But every animal is an individual, so don't go by breed or color alone. And please (to be a PSA for another minute), do the right thing and check with local rescues and shelters before going to a breeder. A quarter of all shelter pets are purebred (if you think you want to go that route).

I'm the youngest in my family and while I could relate a little to that article, I never entirely felt like my whole family were "ganging up" on me. My older siblings and I had a fairly solid relationship, however I have always found that while I couldn't socialize very well with people, just observing animals made me feel better.

We didn't always have a pet, but the old house we used to live in had a small forest on the block next to it, where the birds would come and we'd stand out on the balcony and feed them. They'd come right up close and perch on the balcony rail. I would have loved to have kept a cat, but my mum is allergic to them.

Since we have a big yard and a lot of space on our property we eventually got chickens, and I've been taking care of generation after generation of bantam chickens. I'm surprised nobody else has mentioned keeping chickens as a pet because I find them very comforting. You have to be patient with them though because unlike dogs and cats they're prey animals and will run away from unfamiliar things on sight, but if you raise them from an early age, they will grow to like you, although they still might try to avoid being picked up and cuddled (even when they're used to it). I find nothing as comforting as hugging a big fluffy chicken, and eggs from the supermarket just don't compare to the eggs you get from your own back yard (ours are smaller but the yolk is so golden and it takes up nearly the whole egg).

We got a dog to help our aspie son overcome his fear of dogs and it worked to some extent. He isn't afraid of our dog and he no longer freezes up or freaks out when he sees another dog, but he is still reluctant to approach other dogs (and maybe that's for the best). I have noticed that having a dog he can dominate, control, helps him with his self confidence. He considers himself to be Cosmo's master, will tell him to sit, lay down, or go to his room (kennel) when he's bad. In the pecking order of things, I can see that this is good for him. However, when he is angry he tends to yell at or blame the dog (Cosmo is truly at the bottom of the totem pole).

He 'interprets' for Cosmo in a funny 'Cosmo voice', which I take to be his way of relating how confusing the world seems to him and how difficult it really is to communicate. Cosmo barks when our son has melt-downs and that can cause a bit of confusion, but Cosmo is also the companion/comfortor when he is sad or upset. They are both den creatures. He will squeeze into Cosmo's space under a desk or between chairs with him. LOL. Despite their great relationship, Cosmo still considers me his master and follows me around. And Comso refuses to sleep anywhere but on the floor beside my bed. Our son lets us know that this makes him feel a bit jaded.

As for cats . . . we've always had a cat but she's for petting and loving. She makes herself scarce and comes out only for petting or feeding. Cats can't be controled and they don't obey, so she's more of a ghostly little lovey. We also have chickens but they're not pets although my son will pick them up, feed them, or put them up at night. They're just not members of the family like a dog.