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Should I talk with his mother?

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schleppenheimer
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11 May 2010, 7:00 am

ANOTHER UPDATE --

The other day at the bus stop, I was talking with this kid's mother [nicest lady in the world], and she was talking about the fact that we could take both boys to the high school during the summer, to get the lay of the classrooms, etc., so they could adjust easily to the new school. As she was suggesting this, I'm having this internal conversation in my head -- "should I mention problems earlier this year, should I keep quiet, but this is a natural way to talk about it" blah, blah, blah . . . -- so I just said "That's a GREAT idea, but I'm not really sure that your son likes my son all that much, and I don't want to force them together if it's not going to work." She looked surprised, and so I basically just told her the bare minimum, that her son had expressed a dislike of having my son at the lunch table. She said that he had been tormented by another kid, friend of my son, and maybe THAT was a problem.

Anyways, she was totally wonderful about it -- I asked that she NOT mention it to her son, as they are basically working it out just fine, but at least she knows that he is doing this sort of thing. She was so kind about it -- she sort of took MY SON'S side in the issue -- and really pressed me to tell her if her boy did anything else like this. I couldn't believe how nice she was.



Kiley
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11 May 2010, 10:05 am

That's wonderful to hear. See lots of us parents are realistic about these things.



DW_a_mom
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11 May 2010, 2:52 pm

schleppenheimer wrote:
ANOTHER UPDATE --

The other day at the bus stop, I was talking with this kid's mother [nicest lady in the world], and she was talking about the fact that we could take both boys to the high school during the summer, to get the lay of the classrooms, etc., so they could adjust easily to the new school. As she was suggesting this, I'm having this internal conversation in my head -- "should I mention problems earlier this year, should I keep quiet, but this is a natural way to talk about it" blah, blah, blah . . . -- so I just said "That's a GREAT idea, but I'm not really sure that your son likes my son all that much, and I don't want to force them together if it's not going to work." She looked surprised, and so I basically just told her the bare minimum, that her son had expressed a dislike of having my son at the lunch table. She said that he had been tormented by another kid, friend of my son, and maybe THAT was a problem.

Anyways, she was totally wonderful about it -- I asked that she NOT mention it to her son, as they are basically working it out just fine, but at least she knows that he is doing this sort of thing. She was so kind about it -- she sort of took MY SON'S side in the issue -- and really pressed me to tell her if her boy did anything else like this. I couldn't believe how nice she was.


I've found the parents in our community to be like that, to really want their kids to play nice and so forth. In my son's latest fall out the hardest thing for me has been not seeing the mom; that child had the nicest mom, but it's not like she can force her boy to like mine, and I am sure that if she knew all the details of what her child had done she would be quite upset.

Anyway, I think you handled it fine, and that was a good opening to say something. When trying to force kids together is a good time to recognize that maybe they don't like each other as much as their parents do.


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Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).


schleppenheimer
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12 May 2010, 3:00 pm

This is so true -- that even though our children have a fall out, we want to be friends as parents. I have that situation with another young friend from church -- he has gone on to be quite a jock and personality plus kid, whereas mine is still quiet and unathletic. They just don't mix anymore, and so I don't force it anymore. BUT, I love the mother.