What can be helped and what can't?

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Once you realize that rule A can't easilly be applied to situation B, you learn to change the language. Perhaps the rule will be restated in a way that will work in more situations, or you will add to the rule with mulitple versions of the rule.

1) regarding perfumes/body lotions/body soaps. I am VERY sensitive to smells ... BUT ... I like certain smells a lot. For example, I love "muskier" smelling perfume but can't stand floral perfumes. If she can pick out something ... and don't phrase it as "you stink" tell her that you want to treat her and let HER pick out some stuff from bath & body works and maybe a small perfume at the perfume counter. If she is sensitive, then maybe she just wants some Dove or something. One other thing to consider, if she hasn't bought new clothes/shoes in a while, that might be a potential source of smells also.

2) have you asked HER what she wants help with? If she doesn't want your help, then you'll just upset her. how does she feel about it? And maybe you want to introduce her to wrong planet. I personally would love if I could have someone to help me, but she might not be ready to accept the help. Also be careful the way you phrase things; she's probably pretty intelligent.

Exactly! Thank you for understanding! What looks to neurotypicals like "generalizing a rule to fit a new situation" looks to us aspies like "applying an inappropriate rule to a different situation".

I have a perfect example from work today. It's crunch time for project B, so a bunch of us from project A were temporarily reassigned to help out on project B. We've been helping for about a week, and we're getting to the point where we're starting to complete our bits of software code and merge them into the main project B code base.

Well, like a good little aspie, I don't assume that the project A merge procedures apply to project B. I've spent days reading up on the project B procedures to make sure I'm doing things their way, rather than our way.

Meanwhile, a neurotypical member of our team just goes and blithely assumes that project B works the same way project A does. He's wrong, of course - the details matter in software - and he ends up repeatedly breaking the project B merge software, which other people more familiar with that software then have to fix.

No wonder software engineering is a good industry for aspies. Sure, there are cases where neurotypical style "generalizing a rule" makes sense, but there are also cases where being careful not to "apply inappropriate rules" also makes sense.

I was just sort of joking with a friend the other day about this problem when Madison was small. If something was hot, she'd always burn herself...even if it was just hot, and hadn't had time to cool, she'd try it again a few seconds later (with the its hot please blow warning from me). If I didn't intervene the process would continually be repeated. I kind of laugh about it now, because its oddly funny to me. At the time though, it was SO frustrating. This wasn't when she was a toddler, it was going on when she was four and five.

I don't know if this qualifies, but she was never able to memorize math facts...we had to relearn so many times. Ahhh.

But she also argues the minute details of situations and circumstances...so its kind of obvious that she wouldn't apply a rule from situation A to situation B...they would look very different to her...she gets consumed by the details and can't really notice the cues.

What's your source for the quote?

I completely agree with this very measured sensible post. EVERYTHING and ANYTHING can be changed/altered/improved/modified......with CO-OPERATION! Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is quite simply the answer....out of ALL the millions of therapies, lotions, potions and blurb there is out there, it all comes back to CBT. No of course being and Aspie or on the spectrum doesn't make you smell BUT for a lot of us on the spectrum, personal hygeine is not top of our agendas!! Many don't like water on their faces, heads or anywhere else to be honest....not many will admit to it but if you ask parents ....the truth comes out much to the embarrassement of the person sitting next to them!

Whenever I talk to parents, groups or professionals, I always point out that we have many SENSORY differences as well as communication/language ....for many water is not something that they like to feel, lotions and potions often feel sticky and unmanageable...it is amazing how many hands go up when I ask about self care and hygeine....ooops, seems it is extremes either too long in the bathroom and ridiculously ritualistic about hygeine OR never can get them in the bathroom long enough to shower/bath etc. Personally unless it is soooper clean, soooper modern and luxurious I don't like bathrooms in general...actually I hate them! So I understand.

But hey it's not just self hygeine that can be a problem, it can me MONEY management too. I know so many young people (yes I was one once!) who are hopeless with money (so glad I have found like minded folk )....they either spend spend spend with the constant need for instant gratifciation or they are as tight as a proverbial ducks backside....short arms and deep pockets.

Many many areas of life on the spectrum just need fine tuning and tweaking, that's all, anything is possible as 5yrs ago I was unrecognisable to the person I am now. Not that I am saying I am perfect, noooo by no means, BUT I am that much more self aware and able to deal with my weakness' by putting strategies in place to counteract them.

And YES talk to us about any issues you may have, no we may not like hearing many of them but if you broach the subject kindly and gently we normally respond. But like the previous poster I would add that the other person whether they be a child or adult....NEED TO WANT TO LISTEN!

Good luck!
www.jelibean.com

Help- Depression, anxiety, bullying

Things that can be helped but don't really need to be
Monotone voice
"odd" gait

Can't be helped and really shouldn't be messed with
Special intrests
stims