25 Mar 2010, 11:05 am
25 Mar 2010, 11:28 am
20 Apr 2010, 2:43 am
memesplice wrote:
Why was it terrifying- hmm far as I can remember they had older brothers who liked to murder frogs with pocket knives. Oh and a lot of other minor stuff like some seem to hate you on sight.
You know this is stuff we often don't like talking about, because we really don't want to spoil your day. We like talking about how you cope with it though.
You know this is stuff we often don't like talking about, because we really don't want to spoil your day. We like talking about how you cope with it though.
thank you for being considerate, this kind of stuff doesn't spoil me day though
i want to know everything, the good and the bad so i can understand AS more for the sake of my son.
how i cope? I pray to God a lot, i find peace and patience there. its difficult and challenging, especially when i see my son get upset when he tries to explain something to me. he uses a lot of hand signals. as a mother, i have been blessed with intuition and instinct so i pick up what he is trying to say after a few tries.
even though my son and i cant share a conversation yet, he always asks me for a hug,... and that means more to me than anything
25 Apr 2010, 2:19 am
25 Apr 2010, 11:38 pm
Jenvi wrote:
annotated_alice wrote:
Hi and welcome to WP.
I would start with books. Read anything you can get your hands on and educate yourself about the Autism spectrum. There is a book recommendation thread stickied to the top of this forum. A good introductory book that is a simple read might be "Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew" by Ellen Notbohm, and anything by Temple Grandin is very worthwhile.
Then maybe you want to find out what services are available for ASD kids in your area. It sounds like he could benefit from speech therapy if he isn't already in it.
The things that have helped us most at home have been a consistent routine, and clear, simple rules and expectations (also adjusting these often to meet where our kids are actually at, not where we think they should be). We use visual schedules and checklists which are posted throughout the house. We act like detectives and investigate the causes of "bad" behaviors, and then work on eliminating or minimizing the triggers. We do lots and lots of straightforward, repetitive teaching about social norms and expectations (I remember spending ages when they were 4 teaching them to respond when someone said hello or goodbye to them).
You sound like a very attentive parent,with some patient teaching I am sure your son will do great.
I would start with books. Read anything you can get your hands on and educate yourself about the Autism spectrum. There is a book recommendation thread stickied to the top of this forum. A good introductory book that is a simple read might be "Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew" by Ellen Notbohm, and anything by Temple Grandin is very worthwhile.
Then maybe you want to find out what services are available for ASD kids in your area. It sounds like he could benefit from speech therapy if he isn't already in it.
The things that have helped us most at home have been a consistent routine, and clear, simple rules and expectations (also adjusting these often to meet where our kids are actually at, not where we think they should be). We use visual schedules and checklists which are posted throughout the house. We act like detectives and investigate the causes of "bad" behaviors, and then work on eliminating or minimizing the triggers. We do lots and lots of straightforward, repetitive teaching about social norms and expectations (I remember spending ages when they were 4 teaching them to respond when someone said hello or goodbye to them).
You sound like a very attentive parent,with some patient teaching I am sure your son will do great.
thank you very much! What actions would you recommend if my son is being disobedient or when he gets aggressive with me?
Hi Jenvi,
Sorry I missed this. I can only say what worked for us, and that was clear, consistent rules with consistent rewards/consequences, and then changing those rules and expectations if they weren't functional. At times when my son was refusing to do something, we would realize that he just couldn't yet or that he needed to do it in a different way or at a different time. Don't just take "disobedience" at face value, it may be a clue that a need isn't being met (is he too tired? is there too much background noise? etc), or that the rule isn't clear or attainable at this point. I would also say let go of all the little things. Really distill your expectations down to the things that are really important for his overall growth and development, and work hard on those one or two at a time (example: who cares if he makes his bed, but learning to take turns while playing a game is going to really help him socially later on).
As far as aggression specifically, we had very few problems with our sons getting aggressive with us, but did have a big problem with them getting aggressive with each other. We instituted a "zero tolerance" policy on violence, and it always resulted in big consequences (loss of privileges, whatever was most motivating to them at the time). It took awhile, but they did learn that no matter what, violence is not an option. But we did not remove things that were good for them (their books, activities including friends or exercise), or their particular comfort items, and we spent a lot of time teaching alternative more appropriate ways to deal with angry feelings at the same time (just punishing, is useless without teaching them what to do with all those BIG feelings too). But this is just one experience and opinion.
At this point, my sons are 10, we very rarely need to dole out consequences and don't have any reward system in place (other than allowance). They know the rules (and when I say "rules", I mean pretty basic stuff...no violence, no name calling etc). They agree with the logic behind these rules and do their best to adhere to them. When new issues come up we figure them out together, and they are getting better and better at coming up with solutions and deciding what would work on their own.
Best of luck with everything.
CockneyRebel
Veteran
Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 121,140
Location: In my own little country
26 Apr 2010, 5:04 am
27 Apr 2010, 11:52 am
Jenvi wrote:
memesplice wrote:
Why was it terrifying- hmm far as I can remember they had older brothers who liked to murder frogs with pocket knives. Oh and a lot of other minor stuff like some seem to hate you on sight.
You know this is stuff we often don't like talking about, because we really don't want to spoil your day. We like talking about how you cope with it though.
You know this is stuff we often don't like talking about, because we really don't want to spoil your day. We like talking about how you cope with it though.
thank you for being considerate, this kind of stuff doesn't spoil me day though
i want to know everything, the good and the bad so i can understand AS more for the sake of my son.how i cope? I pray to God a lot, i find peace and patience there. its difficult and challenging, especially when i see my son get upset when he tries to explain something to me. he uses a lot of hand signals. as a mother, i have been blessed with intuition and instinct so i pick up what he is trying to say after a few tries.
even though my son and i cant share a conversation yet, he always asks me for a hug,... and that means more to me than anything
I remember the very first conversation with my son. He was about 6 1/2. We were sitting on our front porch taking a break from playing and eating oreo cookies. I said something about a boo boo on his leg. He told me about it and asked if I remembered something that happend at school. I said yes, and he said what happened was like that and he told me the story. I will NEVER forget it for the rest of my life. I waited so long to have a simple, back and forth conversation and it even had a question in it.
My son's been in speech for about 5 years, 2 through the public school and 3 private. He talks really well now if you can ignore the syntax errors, and we're working on pragmatics mostly now since that is a HUGE issue. I don't know how verbal your child is, but immersing him in language is so helpful, as well as therapy. Talk all the time, describe things all the time and emphasize words that you are working hard on at the moment. I did a lot of my work in the car, having him describe things, look for things, talk about things. It's a great use of your time because it's convenient and there aren't as many distractions. As far as the aggression, if he's like my child that will diminish as his language gets better (unless it's emotional). I really believe that my son's aggression is because of his difficulty with language and it's more a form of communication and frustration from not being able to get his words out, and he has pretty much told me this also.
I also used sign language to help him communicate his needs. If he can tell you what he needs, via words, PECS, sign then that will help a lot too with the frustration and aggression. I don't normally "punish" aggressive behavior necessarily, depending on the offense. I try more to find the triggers and help him learn to avoid them, or give him ways to cope, and also I take advantage of any opportunities to practice those skills as much as possible.
I agree totally with CockneyRebel that the important thing is to love and accept your child the way he is. He will teach you to appreciate things up until now you take for granted...like my son's first conversation. How many people do you know who remember their first conversation with their child? It was a GREAT day!
28 Apr 2010, 8:26 pm
04 May 2010, 4:59 pm
04 May 2010, 5:03 pm
CockneyRebel wrote:
The important thing is that you let your son know that you love and accept him. I would also like to advise you, not to scold your son, when he has a pooping accident. my parents did that, when I had such accidents, and as a result, I became afraid of my own poop, for a while. When I wasn't afraid of my own poop, anymore, I'd strain to go to the bathroom, between the ages 8 and 31, before I left the house, because the fear of having an accident was still in the back of my mind. As a result of all of that hard pushing and straining, I've damaged a lot of nerves and muscles in my rectum and anus, and I have to wear protective underpants, due to the fact that I don't have any more feeling, or control in that part of my body. I was even afraid to spend the night at my parents house, once a week, three years ago, because of my need for glorified diapers, and what could happen in the night, due to unpleasant memories of being scolded and yelled at, for those very real accidents. Another thing that I've done as a result, was back in 2006, when I was into Correl Paint, I've made a computer painting of poop that's shaped like a candle, in a 6 year old's underwear, that says, "Happy 6th Birthday! Make a Wish! Don't Soil Yourself!" that I post from time to time, for shock value. 'I'm a Loser' by The Beatles, was my favourite song, from the time I was 6, until the spring that I was 23, when I was diagnosed with Depression and Psychosis, in the Spring of 1998.
thank you for the recommendation
he has actually been getting better in pooping in the toilet lately.
04 May 2010, 5:14 pm
04 May 2010, 5:18 pm
MommyJones wrote:
Jenvi wrote:
memesplice wrote:
Why was it terrifying- hmm far as I can remember they had older brothers who liked to murder frogs with pocket knives. Oh and a lot of other minor stuff like some seem to hate you on sight.
You know this is stuff we often don't like talking about, because we really don't want to spoil your day. We like talking about how you cope with it though.
You know this is stuff we often don't like talking about, because we really don't want to spoil your day. We like talking about how you cope with it though.
thank you for being considerate, this kind of stuff doesn't spoil me day though
i want to know everything, the good and the bad so i can understand AS more for the sake of my son.how i cope? I pray to God a lot, i find peace and patience there. its difficult and challenging, especially when i see my son get upset when he tries to explain something to me. he uses a lot of hand signals. as a mother, i have been blessed with intuition and instinct so i pick up what he is trying to say after a few tries.
even though my son and i cant share a conversation yet, he always asks me for a hug,... and that means more to me than anything
I remember the very first conversation with my son. He was about 6 1/2. We were sitting on our front porch taking a break from playing and eating oreo cookies. I said something about a boo boo on his leg. He told me about it and asked if I remembered something that happend at school. I said yes, and he said what happened was like that and he told me the story. I will NEVER forget it for the rest of my life. I waited so long to have a simple, back and forth conversation and it even had a question in it.
My son's been in speech for about 5 years, 2 through the public school and 3 private. He talks really well now if you can ignore the syntax errors, and we're working on pragmatics mostly now since that is a HUGE issue. I don't know how verbal your child is, but immersing him in language is so helpful, as well as therapy. Talk all the time, describe things all the time and emphasize words that you are working hard on at the moment. I did a lot of my work in the car, having him describe things, look for things, talk about things. It's a great use of your time because it's convenient and there aren't as many distractions. As far as the aggression, if he's like my child that will diminish as his language gets better (unless it's emotional). I really believe that my son's aggression is because of his difficulty with language and it's more a form of communication and frustration from not being able to get his words out, and he has pretty much told me this also.
I also used sign language to help him communicate his needs. If he can tell you what he needs, via words, PECS, sign then that will help a lot too with the frustration and aggression. I don't normally "punish" aggressive behavior necessarily, depending on the offense. I try more to find the triggers and help him learn to avoid them, or give him ways to cope, and also I take advantage of any opportunities to practice those skills as much as possible.
I agree totally with CockneyRebel that the important thing is to love and accept your child the way he is. He will teach you to appreciate things up until now you take for granted...like my son's first conversation. How many people do you know who remember their first conversation with their child? It was a GREAT day!
mommyjones, thank you so much for sharing that story with me... it is very inspiring and heart-warming. i think God will bless me with an experience like that soon...
