My Autistic Son won't Play

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I believe the point of play is twofold; firstly to learn about the world and things in it, and secondly to have interactions with people and therebye learn about and develop social relationships and skill. It would seem to me that he is missing out on the second part.

I think it is the classic problem of imagination in autism. I guess it was Lorna Wing who first wrote about that telling that ASD kids wouldn´t pretend play.

I agree with that. Socialization is a natural outgrowth of pretend play. In socio-dramatic play children are practicing the skills they need to negotiate with other people in life. They recreate their lifes and try out family dynamics. They learn to argue and cooperate that will be important getting along with others in the outside world. I read that imaginative play situations in pretend play require very complicated thought processes and is very enriching and is at a much higher level than many activities such as puzzles or arranging dominoes. In pretend play children must learn to think, problem solve, manipulate objects, and interact with others in a short span of time creating a rich environment for development. Also pretend play allows children to recreate feelings and emotions that help them practice how to cope on difficult situations.


I think that is a good tip.


I read that most intervention programs have a thing or two about play.

Good luck

Some of us consider pretending that little plastic models are the real thing is rather odd, but each to their own.

hahaha some of us agree. the problem that i encountered with teachers and psychologists is that despite their "imagination" they have a very hard time imagining anything besides very obvious pretend play (fairy tale style or fireman, spiderman or flying stuff). these are very scriptic stuff and can be learned easily if one has desire to do it. but who has a desire to re-play already dreadful quasi-interactions.

Yes, we learned about Floortime from Early Intervention. My son originally only just squeaked into EI with what they thought was a processing disorder. He was so very charming and cooperative during the testing. But then when the speech therapist tried to play with him, the way he played and perseverated suggested autism to her. I wasn't surprised.

Thank you for all of your replies!

I learned quite a lot.

What is so hard though, he when he makes his 'models of things', he wants no help. Difficult if you have other children who don't understand why they are not allowed to play along with him.

These set-ups are created direct from his version of reality, and are finished in about 20 minutes. Then he announces That he is done playing. If I tell him to keep going, he becomes upset

and says what he is done is perfect and needs no other arranging. Then I am ordered to take a picture of it, so he has it for a reference, which I do.

But then, no one else is allowed to tear apart is creation or move the pieces. That is difficult. Here we have a perfect set up, in which a large amount of toys are used. To his sister and other children

it begs to be played with. A war can begin. I tell Johannes that his creations must have a life span of one day, unless it is a Lego creation. It is very stressful for me because I am the main protector of his work.

He goes in his room to check on it and inspect it, but it is I that must insure that it reaches it full 24 hour life expectancy. If something happens to it he becomes terribly upset.

He often get board rather quickly and spends a lot of time making mischief. I try to keep him busy and connect with him. games work. He likes chess and sorting games. He likes books, but like I said I have to

tweak them. Any story that has something unrealistic is met with resentment or he clearly misses the point. Tom Kitten in Roly-poly pudding can not climb up a chimney and get lost. That is nonsense. Tom is

only allowed to get lost in the cellar. For a while he was obsessed with the story of Noah's Ark. He got every book that he could find on it and we had to read every book once a day for a week. His sister was

a bit resentful, but I put Johannes first. Then one day he told me the story was terribly flawed. He had a mental list of about twenty points. Everything on the earth could have not perished, because fish,

alligators, seals, whales ect. could survive such a thing. How did Noah keep the perishable food fresh? How did he keep the animals from attacking each other? What did meat eating animals eat after the

the flood? The lions, tigers should be extinct. The list went on and on. He is 4 years old. I am in my thirties and never questioned the story. Dumb me. His interest in the story died. just like that. Johannes

'Darwin' junior has explained away most parts of religion, and even took the Easter bunny story out at his preschool. The kids believe him and the other parents are just thrilled. We draw but because he can't

make things as perfectly accurate, he refuses to draw. That is why his pictures are always modern art. He does not like loud colors, so everything in his work is always dark. I eat with him a snack after his

preschool, but I now refrain from asking questions because he does not like them. He quickly gives me a small list of things he did, ' we went out, We had a snack, I played with Lego .' He seems relieved that I

no longer ask him what he ate, who his best friend is, or what he did when he went outside. Now that he is older and he began to communicate with us more, we found out (and are still finding out) everything

that we are doing wrong. I am insecure as how to connect with him. I would feel bad if I connected with his sisters (he has two) and not with him. I have to find a way that his sisters can connect with him as

well. He is really just starting to be able to play. He really did not do much when he was younger but wander, and collect things. He does not tell us what he likes. When he is board and making mischief, I would

really rather suggest an activity than yell. I feel that I did too much correcting and too many time-outs when he was two and three because we did not understand that he had Autism and his behavior was normal

for a child of his kind. Thank you all so much for the suggestions. I will see what works with him. Most of the suggestions are really brilliant. I I am glad to get the chance to get a positive break-though with him.

Yep, I like the way he thinks. He definitely fits in here on the AS planet, but don't let him boss you around. You need to set limits for him so he can get prepared for school next year

It also sounds like he could use some "real" toys and games. Follow the links for clues...

http://www.stevespanglerscience.com/category/4-5-years

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071116184927AA5Mq2p

http://www.amazon.com/dp/0439466032?tag=ref155a-20

Gosh he sounds brilliant! Such a thorough thought process on the story of Noah's Ark!

It may get easier - or not, lol - as his gifts reach new stages at which they become accessible to others. My son's games went through that evolution; he invents games. Around 5th grade he was good enough at incorporating elements interesting to other kids that he developed a group he called his beta testers - kids who followed him around just waiting for him to share a new game to play. By 6th grade, however, he found out about all the existing intricate games like D&D and Warhammer, and started playing those instead ... but, still, an interest that someone, somewhere can finally share.

I like your 24 hours rule. I think that is a reasonable compromise.

In all families you get stuck in the middle battling competing interests and needs of children who are all different from each other. You aren't going to make the girls be like him, or him be like the girls; keep finding reasonable compromises and you should all make it through.

Thats a terrific post Wedge, it's helped crystalise some thoughts in my head. It takes me back to one time when we got my son highly engaged in a make believe activity (at a certain level) and how we achieved that.
I'm going to have another good go this weekend.

Thanks

Thankyou for highlighting this.

I do agree that most children "imagine" in very predictable ways. I understand that parents are concerned when their children display unusual behaviors, so I don't mean to come across as un-empathetic to them.

But in some instances I do think the child is imagining and being creative and the parents are just blind to this.

For example, many of children on the spectrum have a fixation with their fingers. When I was a child I often imagined my fingers as pretend people. Or machines. Or abstractions.

In fact I think my imagination was quite good because I would often think up things most other children wouldn't.

There may very well be those on the spectrum who do not imagine but there are also those who do.

The child in question in the original post fashioned his toys as planets. But toys are not planets. Therefore, he must have imagined that they were.

LOL. I think your son sounds wonderful! I'd be thrilled to have a son like that! If he were my son I'd buy him subscriptions to Scientific American, National Geographic, Discover, Astronomy, and Sky and Telescope and we'd have a grand time visiting museums every weekened!

He loses interest because he has learned everything he cares to learn about it, or has found something more fascinating to fixate on. This is a gift. When he gets on a topic, do let him learn everything he wants to learn about it.






Ask him if he learned anything interesting that day and to tell you about it.

Honestly, I really don't see why all of this is so upsetting. He sounds great to me!

Congratulations ! You have a high functioning autistic child !

I am a high functioning autistic adult, and it occurs to me that you are trying very hard to "change" your HFA child into a neurotypical child, and hence feel frustrated when your attempts are not successful. Have you considered valuing the ways in which this unusual child of yours plays with the items you provide for him? You say: "My definition of play is imagination, role play, story, adventure, theme, travel, create. " The key phrase is "my definition", this is not your sons definition of play. As a child I never played with anything (or anyone) in a "pretend" manner.

You also say " He hates suggestions that in his mind create inaccuracies in his mental picture models. " This is a great attribute ! !!

I live in America, and the global economic meltdown that began in 2007 could arguably have been prevented had there been more people in our financial sector like your son ! Once again rather than seeing this as something to change, what about approaching this as something to be encouraged and valued ?

I can "hear" the frustration in your post. I raised three neurotypical children, and it sounds like you need a break from the constant demands of having a child on the autistic spectrum. Have you looked into ways you could enjoy a break from the constant demands of motherhood ? Possibly structure your life to include regular breaks from the kids?

LINNAE, I have to say, Johannes sounds like a really cool child, and very intelligent.

I do empathize with the issue of what to do when he's bored, though. Could you encourage him to create another "scene" when he's done with one, or can he not create a second one while the first is still set up due to a shortage of toys or something? If the latter, I would try to negotiate that the scene only stays set up until the picture is taken.