Public School issues, what to do?

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The book has helped me a lot. I haven't finished it yet though. We had a rough stretch a few weeks ago and we are still trying to settle down from that so a lot of time is one on one with dd. I will be finishing it up soon. Many things in the book were eye opening for me.

Thanks!

this for me has been one of the most frustrating parts of dealing with my sons school district. they wont "label" him as asd and one reason they stated multiple times is because he is academically at or above his peers level (hes 4, so that means colors, numbers, letters). they arent going to be concerned academically until he falls behind them.

this is a recipe for tragedy in my book. to take a bright, intelligent child and DO NOTHING until they fall behind. its a waste of a gift.

i can understand the schools have to worry about providing services for 40 children, but we parents, our job is to worry about ONE, not the other 39. our goal is to get as much as we can for that one to let them be the best they can be. there is nothing in that goal that allows for letting them slip behind before we get help for them.

its a basic conflict and i am still trying to figure out how to fight it.

I have this same problem. I deal with it by giving my daughter the educational supplement she needs at home. I guess you could say she's homeschooled after school. I would say the reason she is academically on target is not in any way credited to the school, it is that I engage her at home and let's face it, most Aspie's will self-educate, especially in their areas of interest. I basically view school as social skills class for my daughter, and that's why a class of "chaos" is a recipe for disaster for her. I think she has a hard enough time feeling OK when she's in a calm, organized, predictable environment. Well, add kids rocking in their chairs, getting up and walking around, poking each other, and a general environment of instability and disorder and my dd will check out more than she already does.

That's why I really get peeved when the school uses her academic abilities as proof positive she's a-ok. Most kids are playing after school, dd is educating herself through books, computer, drawing, and she's always deep in thought. Plus 2 years of OT to get to an almost grade level and they say well no failure=everything's fine.

Uggggh.

Homeschool. You can make your own curriculum and incorporate her special interests into the lesson plans. Don't let people tell you she needs socialization from peers. When I was in public school, about 90% of my so called "socialization" was in the form of bullying and I wouldn't say it was actual "socialization". In a school setting, children are expected to be quiet and listen to what the teacher says so in reality there is no time for socialization and also someone please tell me exactly where in the adult world are you forced to interact with 20+ people your own age? Personally I never had the desire to make friends and would have a meltdown whenever the subject was suggested and I hear that a lot of other aspies are the same. But if your daughter ever does want an opportunity to make friends or interact with other children, there are countless outlets for a homeschooled child such as martial arts or dance lessons just to name a few.

If you are married perhaps your husband could sit down and work with her while you go to work or vice versa...whoever your daughter gets along with the best. I understand that you are a working mother but as a parent one must sometimes make a sacrifice.

I know several working mom's that are able to homeschool ... and homeschooling takes less time during the day than the number of hours kids are forced to attend public school ... Everything you do in life is an opportunity for education. We spend 2 -3 hours a day on lessons and they are learning at a much faster rate. But the flexibility depends on what state you live in. The first step is to find out what your state laws are in regards to home schooling. I am in Idaho and we have NO laws governing over home schooling it is our right and we don't have to register or answer to anyone ... I believe Alaska is that way too ... but other states are different . Go to the following site and look up your state
http://www.hslda.org/laws/default.asp
We incorporate the natural interests into their lessons as well so social skills and Occupational therapy
Please let me know if I can be of any further help
Good luck
Traci

Truly, how would I ever get any work done? As it is right now I only work 7 hrs a day and those are the hours she's at school. Maybe when she's older...but right now I wouldn't get any work done at all!!

I knew a ton of people who had brought their babies to work with them, and didn't need childcare. So, that was my plan when my first was born. What a myth! And such a disaster! My son would have none of it, none of it. And I had done NO research at all on potential caregivers. My AS child wanted my attention if he had me, and wouldn't tolerate not having it. It has gotten better as he's gotten older, thankfully. But the idea that one can home school AND work - reminds me of the myth that one can work with their infant playing quietly next to the desk. It takes a really unique child and a really unique job situation, and I don't think it is a solution anyone can count on. If it fails, you end up between the type of rock and a hard place I was in as I tried to satisfy clients, keep my challenging son happy, and research childcare options all at the same time.

If a parent has a sense that they might be able to make working while homeschooling work, based on what they know from years of working with their child, then great, go for it. But if a parent says working while homeschooling isn't an option then, well, I am pretty certain it really isn't an option.

But maybe when she is older. Thankfully, our kids grow up and mature and change, and our options change right along with them.

Sorry it was only a suggestion ... I did not mean to cause a ruckus... LOL

I know it is hard but I am willing to to do anything for my 3 AS children ... All while also dealing with being diagnosed myself this year.

And as for a myth about being able to take your infant to work with you ... I took my new born son to work with me from the time that I returned from maternity leave until he was 15 months old and which time I was able to come home and just be a mom.

None of this is easy on any parent but there are choices and solutions out there ... You could Homeschool an hour each evening and one of your days off... It's not a set in stone schedule .... it is a life style choice.

I hope that you find what works best for your family.
Good luck

I'm jealous. It is what I wanted, but it was quite clearly not what my infant wanted, and anyone considering these situations must understand the flip side, and that the flip side is quite prevalent, just not as visible.

It wasn't me. It was the needs of that one child. If my daughter had been born first, it would have worked. As it was, there was no way I was going to try it again, after what I went through.

I don't want to take out the option for people, but I want everyone to understand that will is not always enough. Choices need to be made with eyes wide open ... and viable back up plans in place

I kept dd home with me and worked (from home) only while she slept for 3 years. It was SO hard but I don't need much sleep so I made it work. She was also a child who demanded 100% of my attention while she was awake. Now that she's almost 7 it would be very hard to make it work. I have to go out and see clients now and it would be very disruptive.

Now, if I became independently wealthy tomorrow, I would move to the middle of nowhere and live a peaceful life.

Have you looked at other schools in the area? I don't know what your options are in terms of schools, but if the two 2nd grade classes you looked at weren't acceptable then perhaps you could look at a different school district? Most schools will allow you to transfer to other districts and provide bus pick up if you can give them a good reason for the transfer. I don't know how much luck you will have with that, but in general schools are willing to pass the buck of a 'special needs' kid to another school if given the chance.

Anyways, if you ever get back to finishing the book let me know. I will send you an updated copy.

I have 3 options: the public school, catholic school and Montessori. Catholic school would have the structure she needs but I think a lot of the catholic dogma would frighten/confuse her. The Montessori is not structured enough, it is very free form and when she was in that school she had a lot of behavior problems-I think because she was overwhelmed with no clear cut boundaries. She does do well with adherence to rules-especially if you lay them out unequivocally. The Montessori was very lax and my daughter learned how to get the better of her teacher very quickly-then the power struggle was on and it only went downhill. Our public school is 2 blocks away-I can walk her down there and pick her up. I think she takes some comfort knowing she is "close to home". She absolutely abhors school-begs me every morning NOT to take her. She would rather be home with me-or perhaps just about anywhere in the world but stuck in a room with 22 unpredictable children. She's very adult-like in ways-doesn't play childish games-yet emotionally she's very immature. She loves learning especially doing worksheets or figuring an answer to a problem but she hates handwriting and reading. She used to love for me to read to her when she was little-now she refuses to allow me to read to her and will not attempt to read any book at all. They say she can read-and I know that's true because she reads highway signs, grocery store labels/signs, and just about anything but a book. that's very sad because I love to read so it worries me that she refuses. She is a reader by memory-if she sees a word she's never seen she can't attempt to sound it out-she asks what it is and then it goes into the database of her brain. I fear public school will never accept her differences and appreciate them and work with them to hone her areas of special skills. I worry that they will only try to fit her into that "box" and by doing so damage her unique gifts. I think now while she is young it is important to expose her (carefully) to everything possible.

I keep a tight reign on the school (at least I think I do). I am constantly surveying, commenting, asking about what's going on. I don't know if they see me as a crazy mom but the principal at least acts as though she respects my desire to get the best education for my daughter. Even though we all know the motto of public school is not the "best" but simply the "adequate".

There is a school specializing in Autism but it is 50 miles away. I've often thought about whether I should try to move closer to it but many an Aspie has come out of public school ok, especially I would think if they have parents fighting the good fight for them as much as possible. I don't think just an IEP gets you a better education-it takes finding some people at the school who "get it". I wish I knew how to get through to them. My hope is for a great teacher to come along and that my daughter will someday like school.