Another mess. I am so frustrated.

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Countess,
You just described my son's early school years. He was in a private daycare/preschool and they gave hime the boot because he didn't fit in. We shopped around and found another that was a better fit. On the other hand, being there with your child sounds like a good idea if you can do it. Like others have said, you'll get the chance to teach the teachers.

As for finding a sitter, I know that's a real hard one. My wife and I didn't go out much as a couple for the first ten years of my son's life. He's13 now and my oldest son ( NT) is 17. He has watched our younger guy for a few hours so we can get out to a movie every now and then. You might want to join your local chapter of the Autism Society of America. When we did, we found others in the same boat. While we never asked another parent to watch our son for awhile, I suspect there would have been parents in the organization willing to do so.

We used Care.com to find a "special needs" sitter for the summer. It went fairly well - until the last two weeks when she gave us two days notice that she needed time to "find a job" and wouldn't be back.
We did have to do all the interviewing, etc., , but the web-site does do some background screening - it's not free for the service (I think it was maybe $20 for a month?).
Our sitter was actually quite good, just out of college with a bachelor's degree is psychology and had been a caregiver for an autistic child part time when she was in school. It worked out well.....other than the lack of notice and having to figure out how to cover the last two weeks of summer......