I think he's capable of more than he's shown, but a lot of it is just ignorance, not capacity. He really needs someone to work with him on social tools. I've involved my brother as much as I can in our decisions, but it's really hard for him to cope with. When I bring up leaving the house, he just walks away and closes the door. I've asked him in various ways what he'd like to have in his life, or how he'd like to live, but the questions just don't seem to be ones he's able to answer. Remember, this is a guy who has been pretty badly neglected for years. Even when our mother was alive and helping, she was a full-time career woman, and she was unable to get any professional support for him at all.
I'm not coming into this completely naive. I've been doing youth outreach and street outreach for awhile, and I know there's a difference between supporting someone and controlling someone. But when I came back up here to do crisis management, his clothes were filthy and torn, his bedding was unhygienic, most of the lightbulbs in the house were burned out, and he was sitting on the floor to use his computer after his desk broke. We're not poor; this is just his idea of normal. With his dementia, my father wasn't any better. I don't think it's arguable that he needs support. The counsellor who did his functionality assessment said that she felt confident he would score at least three standard deviations below the norm; which is what we need to get him social service support.
11 Nov 2010, 9:43 pm
