Seeking answers

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The doctor told us when they diagnosed our son that he would probably do well academically, but struggle socially. It doesn't matter how much our children know, if they can't get along with other people, it is going to be tough.

I really don't think any doctor can really predict the outcome for our children. My son has an excellent memory. At 2 yrs old, he could tell you the make and model of a car just by looking at the shape of it. He knew all of his letters by the time he was 18 mos. He is in kindergarten now, and he seems to know things, but he has a real problem sitting still in class and attending to his work and working independently. Somehow he is absorbing the information, because when we go over it at home, he knows things. He just gets frustrated when it comes to problem solving or learning new things. And his behavior is pretty disruptive in class, so my current issue is do I continue to have him placed in special needs classes or place him in a private school that understands AS, or homeschool? I know he has intelligence, but getting him to put it on paper is another story. When the school tested his IQ, he actually came in at borderline mentally ret*d, but I totally do not agree. He was only 4 when they tested him and he has ADHD symptoms too, so I just don't think he cooperated with the testing.

I guess what I am trying to say is that my son is a mystery to me. He seems intelligent, but he still has trouble putting on his own clothes. So I just have NO idea how things are going to go for him. I do have hope for him though. He is doing so much better now at 5.5 then I thought he was going to do. So we just have to keep working with our kids and hope for the best.

I just wanted to do a separate post regarding the potty training. Of course I am no expert, but it sounds like your son just may not like the sensation of going number 2. I know my son really doesn't. He sometimes will hold his poop until he pees on himself.

If it makes you feel any better, I had a girlfriend whose typically developing daughter would do what your son is doing (asking for a pull up to go into) and she was 5 yrs old. Anyway, maybe you can just take real baby steps in getting him into the bathroom. Is there anyway you can put his toys that he wants to line up in the bathroom? He will probably get upset, but if you can gradually get him in there. Then I would let him have the pull up to poop in, but tell him he has to sit on the toilet to do it. Then when he gets comfortable with that, then maybe you can remove the pullup.

One of my friends just told her daughter that they did not make pullups for a child her size and that she would have to go on the toilet.

One other thought is that maybe your son is afraid of the flushing? I would just try and get to the bottom of what is making him afraid of the bathroom.

Good luck---I know this can be real frustrating, but he will get there.

I don't know it it will help but the turning point in getting what we needed from our school came from a 2nd grade teacher. She referred my daughter to the speech therapist for evaluation because she was having trouble with her 'th'. In testing, she found a HUGE issue with her pragmatics and we had an IEP within two weeks. This was near the end of a school year so the full evaluation didn't take place until the next school year began. So, despite the good grades, the cheerful friendly girl who loves school and has no problem walking up to kids and introducing her self (seemingly normal) wasn't making eye contact, wasn't maintaining a conversation, was dominating conversation with her special interests...

Maybe the speech therapist is a way in through the 'back door'? Just a thought!

We had this, except for the toys (my son has never been a toys-lining-up kind of kid) Unfortunately, I don't remember what it was that helped him use the toilet...I do remember collusion with his preschool teacher, who gave him an age limit "four year olds don't wear pullups" except put more gently - I don't remember if it was four or five years old that we said was it. I also remember knowing that he was perfectly capable of using the toilet, he just refused for some reason.

However, this is a pattern we've seen his whole life: he seems perfectly (or, sometimes nearly) capable of something, he refuses and refuses to even try until I'm just about to panic, and then he does it on his own like he's been doing it for years. Walking, potty training, climbing, shoe-tying, bike-riding. I do know he needed to intellectually understand each little step of the thing he was trying to do, and he would observe carefully and digest lots of information...so maybe an explanation of how the sewer system in your area works might help (this was something we tried, don't remember whether it helped or not.)

"he is fine academically so there is nothing they can do. We take him to taekwondo twice a week and I see how much he struggles there with fitting in and understanding what to do"

i know first hand how frustrating this is. K's school said the same thing, "he is fine academically". at the same time they were refusing to give him an educational diagnosis of autism even tho he already had an outside medical diagnosis.

if the school tries to deny services based on academics alone, remind them that the IDEA laws cover more than just academics. IEPs must also include evaluation and goals for functional performance which covers daily living skills. if your child needs such things as social skills training or pragmatic speech therapy, then he should have an IEP for such even if academically he is not behind. if his social skills and self help skills are testing so far down on the percentile scale, then that should point out where he does need functional performance assistance.

functional performance and skills are not defined in the actual IDEA laws, but they are covered in the commentary that the DoE published with the laws. the commentary says specifically "It is not necessary to include a definition of "functional" in these regulations because we believe it is a term that is generally understood to refer to skills or activities that are not considered academic or related to a child’s academic achievement. Instead, "functional" is often used in the context of routine activities of everyday living." the goals of special education are to prepare children for life after school as well, not just to get them through school, thats why transition services are mandatory when the child hits 16.

it is a real shame that the "free appropriate public education" guaranteed to our children does not have to be one best suited to them or that maximizes their potential. too often a childs adequate performance in regards to their peers is used as an excuse not to give them services when the child is capable of so much more than adequate.

just want to say thank you to those that have replied. I cannot reply at length at the moment, but have read all the posts and greatly appreciate the input. Thank you!