Hi Carrie, Firstly I can totally understand the pain you all must going through, keep at the forefront of your mind that life will get better for your son, and your family.
Allow me to give you hope + strength through personal experience, .I have recently had to face up and accept that my mindset is what has come to be known as "Asperger's", I have 3 son's age 26. 17, and 14.
The 17yr old +14yr old have the same Mother- 17yr old diagnosed age 8 Aspergers
14yr old we suspect 50/50
The 26yr old different Mother Aspergers 100%! !
My 26 year old Son ,Tim, who I had no influence in his life, and only traced him 5yrs ago.
He had a terrible time at School- left age 15, no qualifications- his Ma told him to leave her home when he was 17, as quote "you not only look like your father, you are him!! !,
His life to-day after being a female's little lapdog(a common trait for us ) for 6yrs he discovered, he quite like's his own company!,
and has recently been promoted to Senior Manager, He hope's that within the next 5yrs he will qualify for position of Plant Manager , then he will relocate via the company to the USA, . Last year he did a solo tour of 18nights and 5200mile's of the western state's! ,this July he is doing 14 nights and another massive tour, He has a wide variety of interest's obsession's (mostly healthy!)
We talk most day's on the phone he come's to my Home every weds evening and the 4 of us have a nice dinner and fun just laughing at ourselve's we, sometime's say our 14yr old is our channel for reasonable communication with the "Normie's!".
My 17yr old Son, Billy, When my Son came into the world , the first touch he felt was mine, within the first few hrs of his life , I felt and I really mean "Felt" there was something Special about this child, we seemed to bond instantly, and much too his Mother's hurt, I was the only human who could really connect with him, He was a very energetic boy to say the least!, but great fun, full of mischief, you had to watch him all the time!! !, but as frustrating as it was (Hindsight is a wonderful tutor!) and there were time's when my stress levels were at meltdown,! !! all my Family would say was "He is just like you were!", Not at all helpful.
However , school from day one was a nightmare, he did 1 yr preschool , which we had too pay for, and my wife just could not deal with it ,so it was left to his undiagnosed aspie Dad (Moi!) too "Deal with it", my response when i use to collect him , having finding him on the "Naughty step" again ! was "try stimulating his Brain more" , which never went down too well!,
I have to be Brief, His school year's were too become untenable, as he grew older the isolation he was experiencing outside the home ,was having serious repercussion's on his mental well being. I was very fortunate that at the time, i was working shift's ,so we could spend our free time working on his obsession's(Honest) we got into Train set's as his obsession was Trains then, not one for doing thing's by half measure's we focused on this project (4yrs) we built steam emulater generator's synchronised to the train speed , to replicate the sound of the steam engine's more or less total authenicate sounding!! !, from scratch!! and amplifier's to power it, miniture "00" gauge flashing signal lights,al sort's, it was mental!! !, Then we use too travel around visiting Steam railway's, etc etc, then and now computer geek's!!and love lots of crazy thing's!!
By age 11yr, he was so screwed up at the thought of high school,It was turning into explosive rages ,his Mum could not cope ,I could not cope,Billy and myself would lock horn's! Mum would burst into tear's,Billy would tell her To F**k off,I would have to resort to verbal threat's of having the police removing him, and placing him in the workhouse!and various tall tale's of my hard life , as i ran away too sea at 8yrs old and was a cabin boy on a pirate ship!!!etc etc , alas this did not alway's work..and by the time he was 12 I could no longer forcibly remove him to his bedroom,(without using excessive force), that day came and I was not prepared to hurt my son, my new discovery , showed me i had to try and keep my mouth shut and let him calm down, it took a lot of effort and started too pay off, I had been elevated too Senior Engineering Manager in a huge food production company, money was not an Issue at the time my ex wife being a School Teacher, life should have been a bed of rose's, We took the plunge and looked for a private independent school, with smaller class's we carefully vetted and researched the school, spent an afternoon there with Billy, He sat the entrance exam and came up too their requirement's(2 brain cell's A Pulse + the relevant £££) He then felt secure enough too spend the day there, after which we left the decision too him - he wanted desperately for a fresh start.
With a much smaller class, 12 as opposed to the 35 kid's in a main stream school, it was far less scary for him
OK we were very fortunate too be able to afford the £6000 it cost us too send him,
Yes he struggled for the first 2 yrs, mainly with his social interaction, and organisation, but as he grew ,in confidence , and size and strength, he coped very well, and with lots of love and understanding and Tolerance, at 17yrs old he stands 6ft5", has lived with me over a year now , Studying for his "A" Level's in History, ancient History And Drama, and love's his life to-day, his relationship with his Mum is getting better,
To Kind of summerise, If you can afford too send your child to a school that is suitable for the child then its an option,
We did consider educating him at home and were prepared to do that, I am not familar with Law other than UK Law ,Here the state pressure's you into Forcing your child into mainstream or approved independent schools, following their Agenda, sadly in my and son's experience's it bored us silly,
If we had not been in a position to fund his education and please remember this was only for Billy i would have given up my career and kept him with me and fill the minimum requirement's (of 8 hrs verifyable school work per week) that the state commands!! !!
Final word Put the child's mental welfare first , listen to them , respect their logical power's of deduction and enjoy life with a very gifted child ,
Peace love happiness ! !! what a gift of life
Regards
Tom
28 Mar 2011, 10:02 am
