The "fewer moms work" statistic and what it means

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I have wrestled with this question for years, much longer than DS having a diagnosis.

Here's our story - I would love to be a stay at home mom. I always worked for financial reasons though. With our 1st, it broke my heart, but he did ok. Once my 2 nd was born, we needed in home help right away. He was kicked out of daycare @ 3 months old for crying incessantly. We didn't know what was wrong, but time and time again, when we tried the standard care options, this child just couldn't hang.

My DH makes fairly good money now, and we probably could afford to live on his income BUT he gets no medical benefits at work. I provide all of the benefits. I talk about having him quit his job to stay home, but frankly I'm very worried that he doesn't have the executive functioning to manage a house and full time parent. He has very little patience and as we all know that's a requirement.

The juggle is miserable in my opinion. I can't fully engage in my work because DHs job has no flexibility, so I can't work the hours or travel as I should for my job. If we have him quit, I would have the flexibility, but I'm not sure that he could manage at home.

I feel like all of the options stink!

I have seen DS thrive since I pulled him out of school, and feel that is the answer for him, now I just have to fins a way to make that happen.

I really liked that video. I am not really able to go back to work for a bunch of reasons. Work isn't flexible enough for when I need to leave to pick up a child. Many of the better daycares won't take special needs kids without extra help. School does not make it easy with necessary therapies with union rules, etc.

I am very thankful to be able to stay home. And very thankful that we have an excellent social worker that has helped to get us what we need.

This is not true for everywhere and do wish therapy, classes and proper respite care was easier to coordinate.

wow, my life resembles many of these scenarios =)

like kailuamom talks about, my SO doesnt have the executive function necessary to maintain a household, so our house is always a mess and i end up doing a disproportionate amount of the household chores considering i also work full time. i cant wait for school to start again, as having the kids in school all day greatly reduces the mess they make =) my autie is a little destruction machine, and having him home all day literally means hours of cleaning up every day. two days ago he tells me, "i like making messes." oh, i know, son, i know.

we rely on medicaid for health coverage, and we do get ssi for our youngest, which i applied for in part because autism is hitting us so hard financially, not just for this child but because of my SO's inability to work, and my own need to stay at my low paying but flexible job that allows me to help with the sahp tasks. my SO was working part time, but lost that in march due to issues caused by autism and anxiety.

so we are struggling, and a lot of that has to do with autism and its effects on members of our family. i hate the amount of time i spend outside the house, and i hate relying on assistance programs, but really, there arent a lot of other options. i work or we starve =) we get basically zero autism support, the only things we get are the ST and OT services during the school year. the area we live in is a big black hole for autism resources. we dont even have support groups or respite care available.

despite the struggle, its not all depressing tho. like i said, i hate the assistance programs, but thanks to the addition of the ssi to our household income this year, i was able to get approved for a small mortgage, and within the next month we should close on our very first home. little late by most standards considering we will both be 40 this year, and its a simple house, but its a good neighborhood and will be our very own. we are extremely lucky that we live in a very economically depressed area, so our house was selling for only 26k, and the low price and the ssi are the only reasons we were able to even dream of buying our own home. and because the mortgage is so small, it wont cost us any more than renting does, in fact it will cost us less even with accounting for utilities, insurance, etc.

i dont like working so much and being broke all the time, but there are only two things in life ive ever wanted, to have a family and a house. well the house is small and coming late, and 60% of my family is autistic, but i am livin' the dream =)