Christmas??

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I say give them a chance. My relatives used to say, "Fix him." After dx, I sent Greenturtle74's Cartoon Guide to Aspergers via email with my son's permission. Worked well for us.

The "concept" of Santa and christmas tradition is different depending on where you come from, for example in Denmark, we open our presents on christmas eve in the evening (after dinner, a break for smoking and the singing and dancing around the tree )

Facts aside, both my sister and I got the concept from an early age. We usually went to church while a relative or two stayed at home and stacked presents under the tree (under the guise of "santa was here" ). Also, In my family, gifts are rarely given in Santa's name (2 for each kid at most) and the rest are given from the respective givers. This, at least, taught me early on the christmas is a time of giving, not (so much) recieving gifts. Once the children are old enough, they're also enrolled in christmas shopping, getting to choose (or make) the gifts they wish to give.

The above paragraph mirrors pretty much what IMO is wrong with the American/English way of Christmas. Gifts are often recieved in Santa's name, while not enough is given in the name of said relative

For parents, there's no harm in setting a limit for how much money you wish to use on presents (my parents set a limit for 700 dkr (about $130) for each recipient). If that amount is exceeded by a given wish (say a laptop), there's no harm in asking relatives if they want to pool the money for a laptop, thus a gift given from a number of relatives as a collective effort. Of couse this depends on whether you celebrate christmas with relatives outside the house or not.

Other fun traditions to try:
Each family member takes turns opening one gift (it may take too long for toddlers, so the rules can be "bent" in their favor )
The children help in distributing the presents (In my family, the youngest who can read and the youngest who can bring the present share this task) Gifts are not opened until all have been distributed.

An additional tip to try is the advent present (advent being the 4 sundays before christmas). This works much like the socks on the fireplace. One of the child's slippers are often used and put in the window on Saturday evening. Come Sunday morning and a gift has "magically" appeared If a child has been naughty the week before the gift is traditionally replaced with a raw potato or a lump of coal. The advent present AFAIK at least dates back to the 17th century, thus the lump of coal or potato.

Just some neat tips for parents and kids reading this, They might help a bit on the patience for the young ones, while teaching the virtue to the older kids.

My 7-year-old with high functioning classic autism has improved a lot in his writing ability. He wrote the following letter at school to Santa. ( I have typed it the way that he wrote it, including errors.):

"Dear Santa,

I tried hard in school.
Heath and me fight.
We went lots of places;
H.E.B, Taco Cabana, half price books.
I want my brother to not learn letters.
P.S it don't like Chrismas.

Your friend,
Ben

I thought that the letter was amusing.

I try not to make a big deal about it. We have a tree and I like the lights and music but try to put the focus on giving and sharing and let's not forget the feasting, during the holiday season. I came from a big family and my parents would get sizes and colors mixed up. Plus, they were the parents that didn't get batteries or a piece that made the gift actually functional. I can recall some sad awkward times.

I didn't want my kids to experience that and maybe I did too good of a job. Even though they are older, they are crazy about getting up at 3 a.m. to get their presents.

If they are young I wouldn't expect them to get all the hoo ha. I started giving gifts at about 7. I remember because I wanted to give a gift to my brother and had my sister help me make a teddy bear. It looked all crazy and patch worked but it made me so happy to give a gift at Christmas.

I can't remember exactly how old my son was when he got it, but this is the first year he has gotten really excited about it. (He is 6.)

The hardest part of it is for us is the presents, since he doesn't like the same sort of toys the other boys like. This naturally creates a problem with extended family, as they do not know his diagnosis because they will not be supportive. When they ask what he likes I am sure they think it is weird. We won't be doing much with relatives, but we will be stopping by my FIL's on X-mas eve. I am really nervous about that because he is so critical of my son.

Last year my son was somewhat excited but then disappointed by his presents because there was nothing in the stores for his very specific special interest at the time, and he didn't like my adaptation. He did anticipate what was supposed to happen. He was just disappointed. I did get him some things related to other interests but he didn't get the main thing he wanted because I could not find one that was age appropriate, and not a delicate collector's item.

Each of the two years before that he seemed to anticipate what was to happen but was not at all antsy or anticipatory, if that makes sense.

Before that I think he just liked the wrapping paper and the boxes. Of course we were getting him more conventional toys back then, too. I do not think that helped.

Like other posters said, you really do have to tamp down your own expectations, and think about what your child will like. My child mainly likes academic stuff, which I know makes me look like a crazy "tiger mom," but I have stopped caring about that, and I get what he likes, and do things he wants to do, in addition to the traditional stuff. This year he had a very specific Christmas cookie he wanted me to make, so we made it, but if he wanted to do something nonseasonal, I would have done that.

The point is to have your child have fun, and if that is unconventional, so be it. Introduce your child to the seasonal elements and he/she will probably grow attached to some of it, in his/her time. Just make sure there is enough of what he/she likes so that your child remembers it as being a happy time.