Violent aspie children and teens????

Post Reply New Topic

My AS son is the sweetest, cleverest kid you could ever meet 80% of the time. The other 20% he is so scary and out of control, I sometimes wonder if I'll end up on the news . I still am not sure what to do when he gets like this, he is stronger than I am by this point so restraining him isn't an option.

I was similar when I was younger, but I was never violent against other people, just against myself.

I can become angry sometimes, but I think that's because I inherited my father's temper, not because of my AS. Actually, my AS keeps my propensity for violence in check, because it makes me a more shy and reserved person (in the real world), so my rages are always out of the public eye.

Boys tend to act out their violence more than girls. I was like your son when I was younger and I can still have tremendous outbreaks of anger, when provoked enough.

I keep learning about my son and just assumed it was anger/sadness that would trigger the meltdowns and violence. But at the same time, I knew it was the environment too.

He kept saying he just wanted to win one, why can't he ever win? It didn't feel like he was being bossy or controlling or manipulative - just something about the look of total despair gave me the feeling it was more a cry for self-preservation. He felt completely helpless in that situation.

Thank you for that post - it does help.

I would think I was a "bad" person because I would seemingly get "angry" for no apparent reason. Then I was shown how some of this is sensory related too (not at all downplaying the emotional aspect of some meltdowns) but some of this I think is the result of sensory systems with the volume turned on high constantly. It starts to drag on people after a while and can make you appear short tempered or moody. It is like being in a boat with a leak and having to bale away to stay afloat and at the same time try and go the same speed as everyone else. Sometimes you just get tired both emotionally and physically.

This is something I've considered. In a way I'm glad he doesn't internalize it like females do (or seem to do).

Just because a kid is NT doesn't mean he's going to sit down and pour his heart out to you. I have an older son who is NT and he's spoken 10 words (of meaning and import, not just "conversation) to me in the last 10 years.

Meanwhile, my son with the AS dx, if he gets upset and you just remind him gently that you can't know what's bugging him till he tells you, will tell you the whole story from beginning to end.

Generalizations hurt everyone.

im 20 with AS i was not violent by nature just fighting back against a hostile world. My sister would provoke me to violence then get me in trouble. She is the one at fault as i was easily provoked. I got in trouble for defending my self in elementary school for "violence". I would not say i was violent by nature just because no one in the world really understood me.

I wasnt violent in my teens as I was forced medicated from the age of 13 to 18.

I never was violent. I was always the one being hit. I just sat there and let her hit me.

I am 18 and now of the meds and am starting to learn what I am of the meds.

I had no capacity to be violent. None what so ever.

What ever they did I wouldnt become angry, I would just retreat. Retreat back into myself. Back to my world - the place I feel safe.

I was never violent. Never.

I have a suggestion however. Get a Punch Bag. Let him hit that instead.

Thank you everyone for the responses!:)

My 9 yr old son has AS and I have yet to see him get violent. He has had to deal with bullying and almost never defends himself. My husband and our son's psychologist (working with him on social skills) have told him to start defending himself if anyone ever hits him again.

Problem is it is usually 2 or more on 1. One other therapist and myself have told him to give 2 warnings where he yells the kids name and scream stop and see if the adults around step in~ if they dont then he has every right to defend himself physically if need be. I just hope this does not come back to haunt us. lol

I knew there was alot more to the story than what I was hearing about aspie teens and some children, I was curious as to what everyone else had to say about it. I am so happy I found this website because it has really helped me better understand my son.
Thanks everyone

galileostar~ as far as defending himself goes...just make sure you are VERY specific in telling him when it is appropriate to hit back...ultimately, you've got to find a way for these incidences of bullying to cease. if it happens at school, bring it to the school's attention~there are laws to protect him.....if it happens in the neighborhood, then perhaps a little more supervision is needed. i beg you to not let this go on, and to not just shrug and say it will end some day....my son was the victim of persistent, insidious bullying in school . although we repeatedly brought this to the school's attention, not much was done. today, he still has quite a bit of trouble believeing that people are not out to get him...

Ster~ We are having problems both in our neighborhood and at the school. School is a work in progress with them. I just had an inservice where the autism team for the school district came in and the lady observed my son in his class for 3 hours and she raved about him. She said he was one of the best behaved children in the classroom, but that she had witnessed a girl trying to get him into trouble. My son and another boy were working together and they were talking (I guess alot of the kids were talking) and this girl kept calling out my son's name telling him to stop talking even when he wasnt even talking. The observer was very frustrated with that but said my son handled it very well. I am in the process of getting them to set up a behavioral plan for him because lunch and recess (unstructured times) tend to be where he gets into trouble and clearly it is because he is getting a reaction from other kids.

My son loves trying to get people to laugh, because he hopes they will like him and accept him if he makes them laugh and he will try to do this any way possible. If this requires him being gross he will do it which is what gets him into trouble.

In our neighborhood.... he has been beaten with sticks by other kids that had just got done telling me and him that they heard what he was going through and that they wanted to be his friend and yet kept being mean to him. When I was not home one day about a month ago my husband let him leave our yard to go play with these kids and son came back home with huge welts up and down his arms, with a nick and a small cut as well, due to being hit with sticks.

Our son said it was no big deal that it was ok as long as they are nice to him sometimes.
Which caused alarms to go off~ so he is in counseling and we did call the police and file a report so if it happens again charges will be filed. Now our son is no longer allowed outside without us there to supervise. We are also in the process of getting our house ready to put up for sale.

I worry that this will be an on going problem for him... he just wants to be accepted so much he will put up with anything and do anything to get others to like him which scares me. We have a long way to go and it is so frustrating. Seems like whenever things seem to be getting better the rug gets yanked out from under us and we are back at square one.

my son used to be willing to do whatever it took to have friends....he really was taken advantage of by some kids....it wasn't until he was older that we realized that he wasn't exactly learning from these instances.instead of the kid who trusted everyone & just wanted to help, i now have the kid who trusts no one & thinks of himself first. it's so important that his therapist gets him to talk about all of the bullying~our son is doing better most days, but it's been hard to change his mind about other people not being "out to get him"

I understand exactly how that feels. It's amazing, how utterly ignorant the schools are when it comes to this. When the victim stands up for themselves, they're a bully. If a victim complains about bullying, they're just told the bully has "behaviour problems".