Help me communicate with school please

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momsparky, in my very limtied experience, I would have to concur. Its like when you talk about needs and accomodations you are speaking their language but when you talk about how your child feels or try to explain why he or she reacts in a certain way to a specific situation, you are just speaking greek or martian or something.

I definitely understand what you are saying and that is the reason I posted here...to get others' opinions on my wording. I tend to gravitate towards stating the needs in the context of why they are needed-and I guess I am hung up on the fact that all of this anxiety is over a stupid (in my opinion) test. I don't want them to think I am just trying to get my daughter out of the test instead of doing the work we need to do, and I am sensitive to the fact that there are other children in her class who make worse grades, struggle harder with the curriculum, and yet I am asking for an exemption. I guess I am trying to justify my viewpoint to them. I spoke to my daughter tonight and just told her flat out it wasn't worth going back to hating school over one test.

This school knows the reason we are there is because of my daughter's anxiety and school refusal at public school and they have worked really hard to get where we are-things are so much better. Sometimes I think her teacher (not the math teacher) is like a surrogate mom-so genuinely caring and protective of my daughter. It's taken so long....so many teachers in the past have disliked her for defiance, non-compliance, and just a real difficulty to engage and bond with her (aloofness). I think they would be ok with my decision (I think....this math teacher is very rigid) but I felt compelled to put forth evidence as to why it is the best decision.

I've been wondering if perhaps I could just let my daughter know that she doesn't have to do the test but wait to bring it up to the school in a few more weeks when I am sure it is in the best interests of my daughter. Right now the only thing I care about is eliminating the anxiety....really when she gets it in to her head that she hates school it takes a VERY long time to change that impression.

Here's the thing....this is a private school. So, what works in public school, which are required to make accommodations may not be appropriate.

In this case of a private school with no protections other than goodwill and a good relationship, I think the child's state is central. Especially, since the school refusal is no secret.

Now, Mama...just do what you need to do. it's funny that you said you don't want them to think you are getting your child out of the test....I'm so over worrying about that. I have learned (the hard way!) I know what my child needs, and I need to let go of the doubt and worry that maybe they know better. I wish when he was in 3rd grade I had been as strong as I am now. Maybe it wouldn't have gotten so bad

You are so right. In the grand scheme of things what matters is my daughter is not plagued unneccesarily with anxiety over this. Not what they think about me. They are making such a big deal over it I think I am having anxiety as well!