My daughter was diagnosed with ASD.

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Oh! I forgot to mention: early intervention is very important. It helped me learn social skills like nodding for "yes" and shaking my head for "no," and it helped me with my sensory problems so that I could actually wear a coat (in -30 degree weather). There were other things, too, but those are the things I remember the most.

Thank you all for your advice and support.
The little one is already in an early intervention program and her progress has been slow, but noticeable.
Sometimes she has us wondering whether the reason why she doesn't talk is because she just doesn't want to. Her behavior since she was much younger was always sometime-ish. If you tell her to do something, at time she would do it immediately, other times she simply wouldn't.
She's also less upset these days when we take things she grabs on to dear life from her hands. If we took it away, she'd pry our hands open, climb on us, over us, and search all over the place until she found what she was looking for again. Kid is very resourceful. She was less than 9 months old when she found a way to climb out of her playpen by on her own without any props or help. By the time she was walking, she was turning the TV on by herself to watch her cartoons although she didn't know yet how to change channels or that she needed to power up the set top box as well. So I know she is as smart as they come. I am not worried about that part. I am just worried that people will take advantage of her or even bully her for being different.

Everything in life has its good and its bad side. Autism means difficulties, but also advantages. I think you did a great thing already by coming to this forum and asking people with experience for help! Many parents would go straight to the "experts" - neurotypicals who have studied autistic individuals and written books about them. But these "experts" are outsiders, and most autistic people are perfectly capable of telling you all you need to know, if you only think to ask us, and find a way to communicate.

I have asperger syndrome and as a girl I was never diagnosed and had a rough childhood. I never understood why I was always being punished, why everyone was always angry at me, because no one ever explained things in a way I could understand. My parents blamed me for my behavior because they thought I was saying/doing the wrong things on purpose. They thought that I was lazy because I didn't want to play ball with other kids, when really I just had sensory issues and couldn't process the movement - it was terrifying! They thought I was seeking attention when I cried that lights were too bright and sounds were too loud, or that my skin hurt. They knew I was intelligent, so the idea that these things could be anything other than my own fault never occurred to them.

Your daughter sounds clever and is probably perfectly capable of communication, but it will take some time to find a way that works for her. Maybe she will turn out, as I did, perfectly normal-seeming - talkative, making eye contact (though that needed to be trained), independent. On the other hand, I didn't get to this point until I finally learned what was going on with me at age 24 and got a bit of unofficial training. The fact that she's already diagnosed at age 3 means you can help her already and make her childhood much easier than it otherwise would have been. Even if you don't have a lot of money for therapy, there should be help available from non-profit institutions and public schools, and you can do a lot for her yourself without too much effort, once you know what needs to be done.

Every child is different, kids with autism too. So none of us can tell you exactly what to expect or what you need to do. But when you have troubles or questions, just post on here and people will do their best to give you advice. It's a good community. As others have said, try not to be scared -- and show your wife what has been written here! It's pretty common for parents to panic and think there's something "wrong" - but there isn't! It's just different. Appreciate that your daughter is special, brilliant, and not just another unremarkable, average, standard child. For every difficulty you face, you will find a reward.

Good luck, and keep us updated!

With early intervention, your daughter has a larger chance of being able to function well independently in the world than she would other wise.

The most important things I can think of is that you need to play to her strengths, that will give her the best chance to set her up in future for a good career later in life since many of us who are successful and have ASD tend to follow our obsessions. It's important that you don't blame her for things she can't control, like sensory issues or problems with social interaction, but she still will need some discipline. Encourage her with the things she has trouble with, but don't push her too far or too hard, even if she can master "acting normal", you have to remember that it is just that, an act.

You will have to find ways to explain things to her in a way she will understand. She won't be able to connect with you in the typical ways, so you will have to find ways that work for her.

Whatever you do, do not accept or praise her ASD in one breath, and then criticise her for something due to ASD in the next breath. It will drive her nuts, and rightly so, you are sending mixed signals. She will more than likely get angry with you for it and call you out on things like that when she gets older, since we are notorious for being very direct and blunt.

Personally, I have AS and I managed to master "acting normal" but it is just an act and it is very tiring for me. I hold down a fairly decent job and I'm going back to university soon to do my masters. I have a couple of circles of friends and manage to maintain the friendships fairly well. I live alone and function fairly well that way, I can live with others but I find it difficult. Quite a few of my obsessions have turned into marketable job skills should I ever want to use them for that, I have quite a few options, and more than that my obsessions keep me sane during difficult times.

I still have sensory issues and the on the occasion I get overwhelmed but I have found ways to cope with it, and nothing beats having back up plans. At home, I need to drop the act because I can't keep it up 24/7. That means family or those I live with (if I am living with people) need to be able to accept me as I am.

I think your wife needs to be educated on ASD. While we have difficulties in certain areas, we have gifts in others. I would not trade who I am to be normal, not for a minute.