Seeking advice - skip 1 st grade?

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My oldest wasn't as advanced as your child, but he was on par with the other kids in his kindergarden class intellectually but he was pretty immature. His teacher suggested keeping him home for a year then starting first grade. That's what we did. Maybe if you keep your child home for a year but involve her socially with other kids her age, she will catch up socially and then you can start her in second grade the next year. Also by then she will be old enough to have some input into the decision and you can ask her.

Also, if you do go ahead and put her in first grade now, you can sign her up for activities that they offer for that age group so she gets more socialization. My kids school had gymnastics, an after school program, softball, basketball, etc. You could get her involved in one of those, and then also see what kind of program Sylvan Learning Centers have that could benefit her.

Either way, I would definately get her involved in some sort of extracirricular activity. Sports or gymnastics are good because at that age, none of them are good at it and there's not as much pressure as there is when they are older.

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My brother, who doesn't think he has AS but I think differently, was sent to a gifted high school where they essentially allowed kids to skip junior high (7th and 8th grades.) I think all of the other kids in his school were equally young.

Essentially, in the name of "giftedness," they aggregated all the kids with AS-like symptoms who were able to meet the demands of a rigorous academic schedule (and who were fairly organized.) The cumulative effect of this was that many of the graduates from that school fell apart as 16-year-old freshmen in college (my brother was actually a 16 year old sophomore, because he took all AP classes and tested out of his first year.) This was exacerbated by the fact that the school was only boys, so the primary means of socialization by adults (dating) was entirely foreign to most of them. Yes, these kids were allowed to blossom academically - but knowing many of them as adults, this didn't really offer them a huge leg up.

School is about more than academics. These kids missed out on all the opportunities to learn to manage socially in a neurodiverse environment. While there are a lot of negatives to doing that without any support, I will forever be grateful I was not labeled "gifted" and had to suffer through a truly horrible middle and high school experience - I came out ahead of the game.

At this point, there is no reason for children to suffer the way I did: supports exist in schools to offer kids the tools they need for managing difference, whatever that difference may be.

Don't underestimate social maturity when considering the educational environment - certainly, in Australia anyway, student interaction is far more heavily emphasised now than it was 'back in the day'. I also wouldn't be asking the child what she would like to do, there is no way she can have the maturity and foresight to make this sort of decision.

My son could have started primary school this year and I was more than sure he was ready, academically anyway but last year, his kinder teacher convinced me that he wasn't ready (before his diagnosis). I can't tell you the difference just 5 months has made for him socially. Yes, he is receiving early intervention therapy but he is like a different person. Also, socially he is better off being older in the group.

I would not skip. What is the ultimate goal graduation or being prepared for life?

We had my (still undiagnosed) daughter skip 1st grade. She is undoubtably brilliant, but by middle school began to rebel and refuse to meet scholastic demands. Her high school was very tough, she scraped by mostly because her teachers were generous with her. She often did not do the required work, often seemed spaced-out and "absent" in class and in fact had to repeat the penultimate year, meaning she graduated with her own age group.
She opted for physics at university, but 4 days ago told me she is quitting without having completed the 1st year: she says it is too hard and doesn't know what she wants to do.
I do not regret having her skip 1st grade; she would have died of boredom. I DO wish her 2nd grade teacher, who recognized the probable cause of her "different-ness" would have advised me where to seek guidance and help back then.
Now, as ever, I stand helplessly watching her struggle, loving her and often taking a lot of hostility and abuse from her.

Keep her in the appropriate grade for her age. Just because she's highly intelligent doesn't mean she'll be accepted by older kids. Older neurotypical kids are not going to want to talk about her books or her particular interests. Her IEP should be the thing that's most important. It should challenge her skills. For example, she can be put in an accelerated or gifted program for her age group. As far as socializing goes, it's not going to work with neurotypical kids at any age.
She may be able to make same-age friends in a gifted program. Maybe. Quite a few "different" individuals are in gifted programs where they can work togther on a task and get to know one another. Don't be mislead by ther word "gifted".
Gifted often means savant. She needs to be around kids that are just a bit like her BUT share common interests. Age doesn't figure in. Younger, older it doesn't matter. She needs to be around people like herself. The kids she sees as friends just might be nicer, more tolerant people - it doesn't really make them real friends. There just nice people but in kidform. I met a lot of nice people
on buses but they're not my friends. Do you know what I mean? Teachers can't force a spectrum child to become neurotypical through activities. You can put them in a million teams, groups, things, and they may still turn out lonely, more skilled, but still lonely. That goes with the territory. Perhaps groups dealing with her interests are better. reading clubs, science clubs, etc... It may get her acquaintances but still there may be no promise of friends. You can't force it. It just has to happen naturally but always give her a lot of love and understanding. If there are no friends, then she has family. Any first cousins??
Also, don't assume that it will work with another loner type kid. They may be both alone but very, very different and can't get along. Common interests hold a relationship together even in the autistic world. A common diagnosis doesn't do the same.

While it's important that your daughter be appropriately challenged, I don't think skipping a grade is the answer. First of all there is a very big difference in the social development of a 1st grader vs. a second grader and if your daughter is socially immature to begin with she will likely have a very hard time fitting in with second graders, even if they have similar interests to her (and you can't necessarily assume her classmates will have similar interests to her just because she tends to get along better with older children). And as others have said, advanced reading and math skills in kindergarten often even out in the older grades. While your daughter will likely always be very bright the gap between her and her same age peers will probably not be as profound when she gets older.

Also keep in mind that even if your daughter is able to fit in with older students now that may not be the case when she gets to middle school or high school. Young children with AS often are more mature than their peers in terms of intellectual ability and interests, but when we reach puberty that can actually flip flop. Many of us have a hard time letting go of our interests from childhood and adapting to more socially "appropriate" interests of teenagers like gossiping, makeup and boys, so the social immaturity can become more noticeable (especially for girls who usually mature quicker than boys and who are expected to have better communication skills). It can be hard enough fitting in with same-age peers in high school when you are socially immature, but if your classmates are older I imagine it would be a lot harder.

I think it's very possible to facilitate her abilities while keeping her in first grade. I would stay on top of the classroom teacher and make sure she differentiates the instruction so that your daughter is given work that is appropriate for her (really the teacher should do this anyway, but from my experience working in schools I know it's not always the case). Make sure to supplement her at home and look into any school or community activities that suit her interests, like a children's book club at the library or a science club at a museum or nature reserve.

Reading stories like that makes me really sad. We here in America spend so much money on bringing people up to the baseline, but what do we really do for the extremely smart people? When I was in elementary, we had a huge special ed program to get kids to read and write, but talented and gifted met once every other Friday for 2 hours.

I wish there were programs that could engage your child's intelligence while bringing her social skills up.

I don't know if it's an option for you; but I've heard good things about Montessori school as the methoid they use is more focused on the child's interests and such.