Military style school for OCPD and inattentive teen
Thanks everybody for your opinions and comments, including the candid one regarding 'my son' vs 'the boy'. I guess this just reflects the current frustration level.
The idea that such person (my son) can benefit from discipline etc, is not just my own but based on observation of many people including therapists who have worked with my son. As a parent our thoughts are we should the best for him, even him it means sending away. But before doing thought of getting opinion of the readers/contributors of this forum.
Any advice for dealing with intentional part apperciated..
TIA, Raky
Sweetleaf
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double post.
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Last edited by Sweetleaf on 30 May 2012, 10:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Sweetleaf
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Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,157
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
The idea that such person (my son) can benefit from discipline etc, is not just my own but based on observation of many people including therapists who have worked with my son. As a parent our thoughts are we should the best for him, even him it means sending away. But before doing thought of getting opinion of the readers/contributors of this forum.
Any advice for dealing with intentional part apperciated..
TIA, Raky
Well I think there are better ways to learn self discipline than military school...military school would just be a harsh environment, that could add to stress. Especially if he has to stay in some dorm with other kids and not have any room to himself.
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Metal never dies. \m/
Most people on the autism spectrum do better when their lives are as predictable as possible. Structure is important. The problem is, a military-style school may impose a structure your child is unable to maintain - and then his life is totally unstructured.
I have learned that my son needs to start out knowing what is supposed to happen every day, and then he can start living up to the standards we set for him, and learning to manage when little things are different. He craves predictability, but life isn't always predictable - so we try to make each change a learning experience and not overwhelm him with too much change at once.
Ordinarily, many of us recommend posters read the ebook at www.asdstuff.com - but if you're dealing with an angry and violent child, it may seem foreign to you, even though the issues the book illustrates to you are probably the same for your child - it's just that some kids react to being overwhelmed by crying or freezing up, and others by becoming angry and defiant.
Here are the basics I've learned - mostly from reading this forum - for handling a kid on the spectrum, be they five or fifteen:
Keep all your speech simple - think Twitter; 140 characters or less.
For complicated instructions use written lists and pictures.
Keep in mind that they may be able to act like they're paying attention without doing so - conversely, they may be best able to pay attention if they don't have to focus on the social aspects of paying attention (eye contact, etc.)
Try to keep to a predictable schedule, with some flexibility - but use the changes as a teachable moment, prepare them for change.
Identify triggers - avoid them if possible; if not, prepare them and reward them for handling stress well. Offer distractions
Be aware of your particular child's physical issues: sensory overload can be very serious. Provide appropriate sensory outlets.
Pick your battles - start with critical behaviors and work your way down
Provide a replacement behavior (e.g. instead of punching the wall, go to your room and wrap yourself in a blanket.)
Provide a "safe place" and isolation so they have time to process and calm down when they are upset. DO NOT bother them during this time.
These are things I've learned from posting here, and in my experience, they've really helped us. (Sorry to edit - I hit "send" too soon)
Last edited by momsparky on 30 May 2012, 10:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
In my experience, this is absolutely NOT true when ASDs are involved. ASD individuals tend to withdraw/regress or meltdown in crisis. Everything about raising my son and turning him into the success he currently is has been about keeping him OUT of crisis.
My AS son and AS husband are both highly capable when they are prepared, and they know what to expect. When things go off course, however, they are lost, and no one in their right mind wants to be around them.
The structure of something like military school can be good IF it is something your son finds attractive; my son loves the tangible structure of Boy Scouts. But HE has to crave it, and be attracted to it. Throwing someone with ASD into a situation that is "crisis" will back fire. Big time. That is my sincere belief. Perhaps that would be recommended for the other conditions the child has, but you can't treat them separate from the HFA, and I would NEVER throw an HFA child into a situation he would be stressed about.
One thing you have to accept is that your son may not be developmentally capable of facing adulthood at 18, and that nothing you or anything therapists do will change this. You can force him backwards, but you can't force him to mature faster than he is programmed to. When it comes to life skills, I've seen a lot of Aspies who really need more time, taking until their mid twenties to gain the skills we hope for by 18. I really urge you to consider these issues in that light, and just give him TIME.
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Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).
AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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OliveOilMom
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I have a different opinion than many of the others here. I have AS, but am the parent of four NT kids. I didn't have an AS dx when I was a kid, there was no such animal then. I learned by having to do things. I was pushed by my friends to do things that I otherwise would not have done and was afraid to do. My mother overprotected me because of allergies and chronic respiratory infections, and so I spent most of my life "home sick". Top that off with AS and the lack of social competence and you get disaster.
I forced myself to learn things, and a group of friends I had also helped me by either explaining things to me, or actually forcing me to do things and learn to do them. Today I can basically pass for, and function like an NT.
I think that a military type school would have been VERY beneficial to me as a child. Not only would I be told that yes, I could do something, but I would be' made to try it until I either was able to do it or it was obvious that I could not do it. Those schools are also big on routine, so I don't think the lack of routine would be a problem.
I would have LOVED to have been able to go to a school like that. It would also have really helped my self esteem to learn that I could do something, and be able to prove it by actually doing it. I wouldn't consider it crisis, I would consider it intense, and some people do well in intense situations. I'm one of them. Not all aspies are alike. We are, like everyone else, all different people. What works for one may not for another, and vice versa.
As for calling it a personality disorder, it's not an insult, it's to show that it's different from regular OCD.
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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

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