Mum needs advice on Asperger & Angry Birds obsession

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Hmm I still tend to go on about my intrests, however now as I am older I have a better understanding that people can get bored of things so I try not to go on too much about the same thing. Maybe you could try explaining sometimes if he goes on about the same thing other people feel the way he feels when he's bored. Like maybe you could get through to him that its fine to be intrested in something but that sometimes not everyone else shares the intrest and can get bored or something to that effect.

Also though considering the nature of special interests, he's probably always going to struggle more or less with that...So its also important he knows it doesn't make him a bad person or anything nor does it make him deserving of bullying and such. I remember when I was a kid out of ignorance my mom would say things that to me sounded like justification for people bullying me so I ended up thinking I was kind of deserving of it....or that it was my fault and they were only reacting and I was always the one in the wrong. But I think it would be helpful if he is aware of going on about things and can try to think about if hes gone on about something long enough.

I don't really recommend not allowing him to talk about or express his intrest though, as that can be pretty crushing to a child especially with autism(we tend to take our special interests pretty seriously, especially a younger age). But I'd try and just help him become aware of it in a understanding way(not quite sure the best way but maybe there are even books and such to help teach autistic kids about social things they may run into or whatever.

I used to do that a lot till I started noticing people either not paying attention or rolling their eyes...

You know, I always felt that I did that sort of thing to fill a void because I had no idea what else to talk about.

I don't really have any advice for the OP as my kid is not quite verbal enough to do this yet.

Very good point, Sweetleaf. I am very cautious, because I see that any comment I make about 'toning down' his talk about his special intrest, makes him uncomfortable, almost ashamed. I too, remember how ashamed I used to feel if my mother or some other adult made a comment on my 'peculiar' behaviour. I have never been diagnosed as Asperger, but I do share some 'characteristics'. That's exactly why I posted my question here.

The difficulty is finding the right balance between guidance and acceptance, and on this particular subject, I find it very hard to do so.

So, so far I've got:
- accept his special interests, and don't make him feel like he's doing something 'wrong'
- let him express and share his interest at home
- dinner-talk: time to talk 'socially' about daily life stuff, wich means everyone takes part in the conversation equally
- explain that others might not share their interest, teach to look for social clues that imply friends and classmates getting bored/annoyed, and teach to ask them what they want to talk about, teach him to 'share conversation'
- use a timer for games, since the 5 min- 1 min warning isn't working, and I like the idea of an app instead of mom being the party pooper every day

- earn more time on the game when there's no outbursts: on second thought, I don't know if I want to do this. I've worked with reward systems for a while, and it was a great help when he was little, but I've stopped using the sticker system when it became too much of a 'thing' for him. It's a long story, a completely different one, but the short version is that I noticed it became a source of many frustrations, and in a way, a sort of power struggle. He became preoccupied with the concepts of 'naughty / nice' (even if I didn't use those words), and it just felt like I was trying to blackmail him into socially acceptable behaviour. It felt wrong, so I don't know if I want to go back to that rewarding system. I much more want him to learn social skills from ratio and logic, then through 'do this and you will get toys/candy/game time'.

I just played to 'Angry Birds anger management' game, by the way, and he enjoyed it a lot . The 'AB guide to anger management' is now hanging on the wall, and I think/hope it will be very useful. I've never seen him so focused and engaged when talking about behaviour.

My son is not into Angry Birds, but he has had and has obsessions that are very consuming. I let him go on about it at home as much as he likes, and try to see what lends itself to teaching moments about various things.

I think you are exactly right about the angry thing. My son used to love Don from Dinosaur Train when he was your age (that is a children;s show on public broadcasting in the US) and I think it was because he had markedly autistic qualities ---had odd interests, had a collection, liked to be on his own, and stay at home more than the other characters etc.. I really do believe that they are happy to see characters they can relate to.

I have not achieved balance on this and I am not sure I want to because he is restricted at school during lectures etc. and I think he needs it. Here it is more a matter of getting him to expand his interests and acquiring depth. I think the anger management thing sounds totally awesome. It makes me wish my son liked Angry Birds, too!

On a side note, MMJMOM, what book do you use for social interaction? We badly need a really good one. We have the Marc Brown friend book, but it does not get into the detail we need.

Is this the website?

If not, this is pretty cool too.

Here are some lessons:

http://thehometeacher.blogspot.com/2012 ... anger.html

Here are some printables:

http://thehometeacher.blogspot.com/2012 ... ables.html

Yes, that's it! I translated them and made one change: I used the boomerang to explain it's a good idea to come back (after calming down in the bird's best) and explain or try to explain why you became upset.

You only allow him 15 minutes a day for his favourite thing?

Angry Birds is a good game. Geometry is big in it. Him humming the tune and constantly talking about it is an Asperger's thing, and getting him to not do it will only lead to behavioral problems if it is AS that he has (you said it, he gets angry when you take it away; how would you like it when the thing that's most important to you taken away? Think of it like that).

So, you get him to do his schoolwork and/or chores, then he has an Angry Bird break after 30 minutes of that. Nothing else matters, really. Just FYI and all, a psychologist at Attwood's said that someone with AS should only be expected to put 30 minutes of work in and then have a 15 minute break doing their obsession.

you're right, Dillogic, I was thinking about the geometry and physics thing too. I guess my challenge will be to use AB as a starting point to other fields of intrest, trying to broaden his mind with things that relate to AB. At first, I thought this game was just a stupid no-brain game, but I'm starting to see the possibilities.

15 minutes might seem a bit chingy. Before it became such an obsession, he could play 30 mins on the iPad, whatever he wanted. But when it became such an overwhelming thing, it scared me so much, I got a so many comments (I know, I have to learn to ignore them) but most of all, his teacher told me it was becoming a big problem in school. It broke my heart to hear he was getting ignored by the other kids. And then, I also read some stuff on why the game is so addictive, that also scared me: apparently, it stimulates the 'reward system' part of the brain, and since the challenges are challenging enough but no too hard, it's like a little dopamine pump.

I thought I was doing the right thing limiting it a bit more, saying he could play for 15 mins, then choose a different game for the remaining 15 mins.

I take it from your comments it might not have been my brightest idea .

An analogous situation might be if you were only allowed to talk to people for 15 minutes per day. That's how important our interests are to us.

I understand how important special interests are. And I do want to add that he can play the 'real' game (board game) as much as he want.
I just think it's important that he keeps on drawing, constructing, playing with clay, playing outside, climbing trees, well, everything- and not simply play iPad games for hours. I do think that 30 minutes of iPad time (on a regular school day) is enough for a 5-year old.

ab game

Would you consider perhaps multiple 10-15 minute sessions scattered through the day?

Instead of sticker charts, you might try a "work before play" system like the one described in Parenting Children with ADHD: 10 Lessons That Medicine Cannot Teach by Vincent J. Monastra (I'm not suggesting he has ADHD, just that this book has a really good description of the system.)

In your case the "work" part to earn AB time might be things like playing outside, drawing, etc. For example, if he spends X amount of time on other activities, then he can play 10 min of AB at 3pm and again at 7pm

I agree 100%. Remember he's only 5 not 15. His sensory system, and developing brain, body and personality absolutely need those other activities. I think the OP is really on the right track here, and trying to carefully find a balance that is respectful of who her son is and his interests, while still stimulating his growth in all areas. The fantastic thing about an AB interest is that there is a board game and stuffed toys and other merch that the OP can use to broaden his skills while he still has the fun of his interest.

Thanks, everyone, for all your advice and replies! You really helped me a lot, by giving practical advice, reassuring me and simply letting me 'organise' my thoughts around this subject. It's also a relief to be able to talk/write about this without needing to explain elaborately or justify my parenting skills, which is something that starts to get annoying when I'm around friends or teachers who have absolutely no clue what Asperger is. Usually, I get so sidetracked by this, that my mind does not get around to finding a good strategy to tackle the problem. Thanks again!

I haven't read this book, but this sounds like the system we've come up with for my son: he has to "earn" video game time with whatever chores we assign; minute-for-minute with the caveat that if he is staring off into the distance we will reassign the chore not by time but by work completed. The trick with these kinds of systems is to be SURE you are offering achievable goals; DS will melt down and freak out if it's something he's struggling with and can't complete (even if we realize this and change the goal at the time.) Chores right now include self-care (room cleaning, laundry) and homework (math & handwriting practice, reading chapter books.) None of these chores are difficult for DS, but without motivation he will resist them.

We do have some behavioral things in there, but they are much more mild. Right now, we are working on respectful language. We make sure he understood exactly what language we were trying to replace or eliminate, gave him tools for replacing it or for alternate behaviors, and THEN we take 5 minutes off his game time (he gets either 1/2 hour on summer weekdays or 1 hour on weekends) If we found that he was unable to earn a reasonable amount of game time because the goal was too difficult (for instance, he lost 20 minutes of his half-hour) then we'd change the time to 1-minute increments. The goal is to pointedly illustrate the behavior so he recognizes it enough to change it, not to be punitive. We've learned (and we had the same problem with sticker charts) that we have to be very, very conservative with this type of arrangement.

When you figure it out, let me know...my son is 11 and we just had a freaking Angry Birds birthday party...sigh...

PS - much better than Rabbids Go Home...don't let him even get close to that lol