Something Momsparky said

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OliveOilmom.....I think we misunderstood each other? I didnt mean it would cause problems.....I meant if them watching it caused as much problems than what it did in our house.....then maybe you would have tried anything to improve their behaviour....even trying to limit exposure....The therapist told me the other day that the brain of a child, say with example bipolar disorder, gets stuck on this grusome stuff....they can even get obsessed with porn, sexual stuff and blood and gore.... unfortunatly we've had it all!

I'd disagree on Skyrim, unless he can figure out confusing situations on his own. Everything else seems about right.

I grew up with Ratchet and Clank, as well as Jak and Daxter. Excellent games, they are!

Oh my goodness. The world is a very complex place. You are so right on this. The problem is no two people are alike. We all have different experiences, perceptions, thoughts and feelings about things. Have you ever read Hume and "A Tretise on Human Nature." Maybe your DS can read it as well. What do you think?

for me we played all sorts of games, some of my best times were playing these games that I'd get hooked on and it wasnt because of violence but something that i cant put my finger on, not that it would matter as NT's probably wouldnt get it but maybe something like how the game felt sensory wise, when i moved the control pad etc or the noise of the feet on the ground in the game or the colours etc.

Some games are too far in the sense that it is disgustingly violent but a lot are actually ok and it's quite rare to find a disgustingly awful one and if you keep an eye on a game website or just type in game news I bet it would show up some ones to definitely avoid at the time and this would be bad enough to get media attention, most are probably 'ok'.

I never copied games or TV, because I was brought up not to do that and perhaps having Aspergers you are more likely to follow the rules, if he follows your rule to the point where kids laugh at him then he most definitely will follow a no violence rule, if you feel you know him enough not to response by copying the game or become distressed then I would just let him play them round friends, he's going to see things at school anyway either in the playground with kids behavior or on mobile phone videos, internet etc, it's everywhere but if he's got the skills to understand we dont fight in real life and we dont run round with guns etc then it's probably going to be ok.

I'd give him this, it's a bonding tool and kids wont get it if he says he can't play the games, they wont understand why he is going by your rules so strictly, kids rebel, it's how they learn so it would be pretty much expected that he would still play the game even if you said no, sorry.

See how it goes, then you are giving both options a try out. Good luck!

Hey - you do realize you just contradicted yourself, right? Not trying to be mean, but I do see this a lot on the forum; the idea that Aspies are rule-followers who don't commit violence...and something closer to the truth, which is Aspies are human and make mistakes and bad choices just like anybody else.

I will say this: what's different now from 5 years ago is that the more aggressive media is now being marketed towards very small children. Halo (which honestly isn't as over-the-top as some, but which isn't my preference) now has a line of building toys. One of my son's games rated E for Everyone, (PowerUp Heroes,) has as it's ultimate prize becoming the main character of Assassin's Creed II - a realistic historically-based rated M game where you stab opponents and they bleed and die; in one option you can disrobe a character.

Kids who are nearer to adulthood right now might not have chosen to play extremely realistic violent or sexualized games when they were younger, as they weren't marketing directly to the 7-and-up crowd like they are now.

No i didnt contradict myself if you read it again i meant kids rebel and THEY would expect him to break the rule not that he will, i know that some aspies do break rules but you said your son doesnt so...he wont but they will EXPECT him to. That's what i meant.

I'd go as far to say I bet those kids you're talking about did choose those games whether they were marketed towards or not, whats more interesting; mickey mouse and crew or a load of blood appearing on a video game in an arcade as they walk past (these arent watched by parents all the time, look at how many kids are alone in camp site arcade rooms, amusement arcades etc etc) and they didnt have to go into a shop and buy a character to suddenly want to play that game, how many times have you walked into one of them and seen zombies being shot in the head etc and they are old games not new, it's sort of natural to be pulled towards things you havent seen before and that are extreme, whether marketed to or not. Its also competitive, apart from sport what games are competitive and interesting to 10 year old boys? Emphasis on the 'interesting'.

I know what you mean about the toys though, ts attractive to kids, big strong characters doing extreme things, its interesting and appeals to them, it's not fair that the companies manufacture to children and it doesn't make sense either that they get away with it when the games are adult rated but i dont think games are to blame for kids being violent, kids have always fought and played gun games etc, competition and stronger and weaker runs strong in us because it's part of being human, it's how we used to survive. My brother played some horrible games and my mum thought he was obsessed with guns but we werent brought up to be violent and resolve things with violence and now he's in the middle of medical school training to be a doctor.

I can see why you are concerned about him copying, and only you can decide what is best and if he is able to handle it without reacting to them etc, if instinct is saying dont let him and find other really cool things for them to do together round yours so it doesnt matter so much when he does refuse to play the games, have lines he could say if they do ask him to play so he isnt left feeling awkward, but if you are wondering whether to let him then if its possible have a chat with him about it, has he said what he thinks of the games and the violence? could you also speak to the parents and say if you see any behaviours like that then please let you know, then you can trial it, and always say no if you do become concerned.

I am thinking of my 2 boys now.....I wonder if different personalities doesnt also play a role? The other thing I want to mention.....With my oldest son, who is suspected to have ASD, its as if he hasnt a very good and clear understanding and believe regarding social values and rules....My little son is 4 yrs old and he will correct my oldest behaviour....for example to tell him to stop using his finger to get the last poradge out of the bowl....its rude and the poradge is finish. Or my little one will see a violent act on TV and say he doesnt want to watch it, because its wrong to hurt other people.
I wonder if playing to many violent games dont confuse some childrens idea of what is ok or not to do in real life situations?
And I for sure think that it desensitizes the viewer....At first you are shocked...then later it becomes ok....then later you need progressively more intence violence to get the same addrenalin rush! Have you ever heard the conversations going on between kids playing Ps3!! !? You will hear phrases like: Kill that guy.......I will die for you.......yes cool, he killed himself....awesome, that car just killed him! OMW....this is conversations going on in their minds....selftalk saying its ok if some one dies.....its ok to kill myself.....
Regarding the kids games....my oldest wasnt allowed to watch Tom and Jerry for a long time! He would verbally repeat all the different ways he saw in one of the movies how to commit suicide! Also he would hit me with something or hurt me in the same way they did and say: Tom and Jerry kids!! !!
I think every child is different.....for example I will let my little one more easily watch more aggressive stuff like Batman lego or Star Wars, because it doesnt have the same effect on his behaviour. But I must add that we stopped it for little one, because it caused him to wake up 2-3 times a night with night mares!

I know for my son, you are probably right. He is going into 6th grade and does not curse. Because it is against house rules. If he is watching youtube and something "inappropriate" comes on, I can trust him 100% to turn it off. I know a lot of parents say you can't trust them like that, but with my son, you can. My daughter? At 10 probably notsomuch! LOL! But my son, yes. He only started "hanging out" with kids who curse when I told him it was OK to do so. Prior to that (in 5th grade even), he would steer clear of anyone who curses.

I guess I should try the rule of "you can play what your friends play" but not at our house. Even though he is only 10, I really do trust him to distinguish between what is borderline inappropriate and what is grossly inappropriate. He already struggles socially and I don't want to paint an even bigger target on his back. And I realize his adherence to my rules probably does that.

It's hard though.

I figure at the very least, with us, not wanting it in our house reinforces the message that we as parents don't approve of those kinds of games and also gives him some autonomy to make choices. I also don't hold back my feelings about them when he describes them to me, I not only say what I think of them but also why. (Many of our friends are police officers, I am amazed at how many of these games entail shooting police.) It's not an ideal situation, but my son isn't one of those kids who will do what I ask at someone else's house.

He went to a friend's house tonight when my daughter was at a birthday party.

As soon as I picked him up he said "Mom, I have something to tell you. I played a teen-rated game with mild violence." I so love that this kid will tell me things, even if he thinks he is going to get in trouble.

I told him the new rules. He likes them. We'll see how it goes.

Sorry to say....But I think there comes a time where children needs to realize that there is things that goes against their parents values and believes! I do very much respect others opinions on this, but shooting, hurting, enjoying to cause sadness and pain to others goes directly against our believes and values....If we need to turn a blind eye to all this so that our children can be accepted by others, then it saddens me.....Please I really dont judge.....My husband also plays some 18 rated games on his pc, but ussually its nothing that rejoyce in other people getting humiliated or realistic graphics.
I think my boy must just choose friends who also dont play these games then.....

I think it really is an individual thing. Aspies/Auties vary so much as to what can be handled appropriately and enjoyed. My son gets freaked out pretty easily. His tastes are immature for seven, and that is OK.

My son could not care less about what other kids play with, so I introduce things I think he will like and that he can handle. Somethings can be subtly changed from kill to defeat, and when I can that is what I do. Most of what he likes does not involve anything like that, but then again he mainly likes to pretend to be a computer.

One of the things I found difficult to accept as a parent, is that no matter what I exposed my kids to and what our house rules were - they are who they are and they like what they like and they want what they want.

All of the big ideas I had about the power of awesome parenting were fine - but I realized that when my eldest was making guns from the right angles he bit out of toast at age three.....I realized that they are wired to be their own people. My eldest had never seen any violent tv or video games, no guns anywhere - I had no idea where he got it, but he did.

Fast forward to now....he's 17 and a senior in high school. He is currently judging DH and I harshly because of the time we spent working and giving him stuff (I'm sure he would be judging us if we didn't work and provide too). Anyway - he plays what he wants except for games that glamorize crimes. For some reason I am ok with the war or fantasy shooters, but carjacking and gang fighting is just not the energy I can handle in my home.

I believe that the kids know the difference between right from wrong and the games won't make a difference in who they will become BUT I draw the line at what energy is in my home...and I just can't take that.

I feel I should point out - DS knows the difference between right and wrong. For instance, he knows that shooting police - or anybody else for that matter - is wrong, etc.

He doesn't, however, have good judgement as to what is an appropriate and proportionate response to a wrong, and these games encourage someone to consistently respond with everything they've got. This is, has been, and continues to be a problem for us. I can't say that it's all video games or movies, it's a confluence of multiple things going on - but we find that video games and movies can act as reinforcers for behavior we are trying to eliminate or change.

Here's what I mean: Another kid I know, an Aspie in one of his groups, tends to overreact just like DS when he's bumped or touched (the two of them are very alike, except this kid has less success hiding his difference) I am as certain as I'm sitting here that his parents, peers, or siblings did not teach him to respond to being bumped by getting right in the other kid's face, make his hands into claws, and say "If you touch me again, I'm gonna rip your head off!" I've observed this happen pretty much every time they file into therapy (since everybody's on the spectrum, they are mostly somewhat clumsy - chances of getting bumped accidentally are very high.)

I bet, however, that he's learned this verbatim from a movie or video game.

This is where I become confused myself. What if the cop was like this? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psycho_Cop If a cop is a psycho and he is trying to murder you and others wouldn't the correct thing to do is to shoot the cop to.

What about during the time of Bull Conner? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bull_Connor The cops came out with water hoses, their batons, etc? All they were fighting for was their civil and inalienable rights. Does one have the right to shoot a cop to protect your own rights and other's rights as well? This should only be done as a last resort. If their are other means to gain civil rights than use them of course. Why is always shooting a cop wrong?



Why didn't I overreact like this as a child? Even as a child I went through an internal monalogue. I always kept questioning did this kid really purposely hit me? Was it accident? What if this child was bumped by another child into me? What if the child had involuntary muscle spasms? A lot of times I couldn't even tell if it was accidental or purposeful. I ended up not reacting at all. Why did I get paralyzed like this and why do I continue to do so? I become stuck.



I bet he did as well.

Ideally, nobody should ever shoot anyone. Period. There are very, very rare exceptions to this, and I, like most people, don't plan to ever put myself in a circumstance where I have to make that decision - and my son has no reason to do so, either.

I suppose there are extreme circumstances, but the issue I'm trying to express is that there is a myriad of options between ignoring a problem and murder - but in most video games, there is no option for peaceful negotiation, nor even just yelling and blowing off steam, and it's unusual that you can knock someone down and run away...usually, your one option is to blow problems away.

Not everyone's brain works the same - not even all Aspies. During my son's assessment last year, the psychologist observing him noted that in gym he hit and swore at a child child he himself had accidentally knocked to the ground, because he'd tripped over the child's legs on the floor. He just doesn't process things like that logically.

I think this is in part because for a year or two there was a group of kids who would shove him in line to see how long it would take until he got mad, and it took forever to get the school to intervene. I am guessing he finally made the decision that if he couldn't tell the difference between an accident and bullying, he better react like it's all bullying.