Mummy_of_Peanut wrote:
CWA, I understand what you must be going through just now. Although there's the relief that you don't have to deal with her, it's still a very stressful and heartbreaking thing to face. My husband doesn't speak to his Mum either. He has told her that he's there for when he's needed, i.e. DIY stuff, but she hasn't called him at all in 2 years. She gets cards (my name isn't on them) and my husband and daughter get cards, but that's it. She's a very selfish woman, unbelievably childish and I put up with a lot, over 20 years. She's definitely not on the spectrum and I'm not going to make any excuses for her behaviour. I do think she was spoiled. She's the same age as my Mum and also working class, but she went to singing and ice-skating classes, etc, things that most people of that generation and 'class' could only dream of. She also appears to have had a very lavish wedding, according to the photos anyway. I don't know how her parents could afford it, (although there only 2 kids in the family, not 6 as in my Mum's) but it makes me wonder if this upbringing has resulted in the adult she became.
On the night we had our falling out, there was a lot of things I didn't say. I was so shocked at some of the stuff she was coming out with that I was almost dumbstruck. This sounds absolutely ridiculous, but she told me that she was upset about a photo that was taken at my wedding (now 18 years ago). It was supposed to be a photo of the close family members (parents, brother, SIL). My Mum called over my cousin to join us. My cousin was 16yrs and had been orphaned a few years prior to that. My parents had taken him in and treat him as their son, even today. He's just like a brother to me and, as you can imagine, our family would not have dreamt of leaving him out of such a photo. She had never mentioned that she was not happy about that, but let it fester away for 16 years. There were other similar matters which had been niggling at her for years, most of which were really nothing to do with me and were in fact down to my parents, all of which were equally daft. I wrote a letter, which I never sent, but it helped me to get my thoughts in order. I'm emotional but also logical and nothing she said makes any sense to anyone with a grain of intelligence.
Once she mentioned that photo, I felt justified in not wanting to ever see her again. I don't need that sort of stress in my life. Life is stressful enough.
Sounds a lot like mine. When I was pregnant with dd2.5 she literally picked a fight with me just to make herself look like a victim. Heres briefly how it went down. I was in DD5;s room (she was 2.5 at the time though) changing her diaper. I was changing her diaper and she was screaming and thrashing around as she hated diaper changes, period (which yeah, I now see this as a red flag for AS but hind sight is always 20/20). MIL sticks her head into the room and says, "I just needed to make sure you weren't beating her." And not in a kidding way, she was pretty nasty. So I stormed out of the room and lit into her. WEll, As soon as I did it, I knew I'd been had. NO ONE heard what she said to me, so it looked like I was just having a fit over nothing. She then played the victim, acted innocent, and lit into a tirade about how MY mother never liked my husband and how that hurt her to the core (At the time my mother had been dead for 6 years) and how she would always hold it against ME that my mother didn't like my husband. Seriously now, wtf?
Anyway we figure she has borderline personality disorder or narcissitic personality disorder. Can't see it any other way.
17 Sep 2012, 5:11 pm
