How to handle myself at the IEP ?
I plan to try and get her to put this complaint on the table at the meeting and turn to her peers and supervisor to make suggestions of how this situation can be fixed.
How do you plan to get her to admit that she has no time to implement his IEP goals ? How ? How ? How ? Do tell... ! !!
I am beyond angry with this woman right now but arithmancer makes me see how counter-productive a direct confrontation can be, so I will adopt the 'give her enough rope' strategy suggested by you. I will want a communication journal, so she knows she cannot get away with not working on his goals.
I plan to use Dr Ross Greene's (author of Explosive Child and Lost at School) collaborative problem solving technique. I am going to say that I notice that most mornings when DS and I arrive in the classroom she appears to be very rushed trying to get things ready for the day. Then I plan to ask her to tell us more about it (Dr. Greene would say, "what's up with that?"). I fully expect that she will admit that it is difficult for her to find time in the morning to do his schedule at which point I will remind everyone that his visual schedule is very important, he NEEDS it to be done (it is in his IEP), so what are we going to do about it?
You could probably phrase something similar. Take one of his goals and say "I notice that DS hasn't been working on goal X. What's up with that?" Give her a chance to air her concerns then you state your concerns (he NEEDS to be doing whatever is in said goal) and ask how the problem is going to get resolved. Hopefully opening the door for her to talk about what has or has not been going on will give her enough rope to hang herself. Even if you don't get that satisfaction
Take one of his goals and say "I notice that DS hasn't been working on goal X. What's up with that?" Give her a chance to air her concerns then you state your concerns (he NEEDS to be doing whatever is in said goal) and ask how the problem is going to get resolved. Hopefully opening the door for her to talk about what has or has not been going on will give her enough rope to hang herself. Even if you don't get that satisfaction
Bombaloo, here is the problem. She claims that she has been working on one of his goals and I know for a fact that she has not. How do I know ? Because the object that I gave her to use while working with him on this particular goal (functional play) was still sitting unopened, in its original store package, in his cubby as of Monday morning when I confronted her. Of course, she could claim that she is using other toys to develop functional play skills but nahhhh... I don't think so.
Rather than use ommunication journals. she sends home newsletters on Fridays, about what the class has been doing that entire week. HELLO. It is called INDIVIDUALIZED EDUCATION PROGRAM for a reason. I am MORE interested in how many son has been progressing on HIS particular goals as opposed to anything that the class did AS A WHOLE that week. HOW do I bring up these concerns without appearing confrontational ?
I am just so depressed and drained right now.
Last edited by HisMom on 20 Sep 2012, 2:21 am, edited 4 times in total.
The goals should be measurable. As such there should be data collected. Ask her to show you the data. How can they say he is or is not meeting a goal if they don't have any numbers? A quote I just read, "without data you are just a person with an opinion".
I don't see anything wrong with you asking about the toy at the meeting. She'll have to say something. If she lies, keep asking questions. If she is lying chances are that will become apparent to all.
Have you met with your advocate?
The thing is, for the first time ever, we will have a certain high level administrator attend this meeting, too. This person is known to be a very, very aggressive, and brash, character. He, supposedly, is very confrontational with parents, and attacks them viciously in attempts to get them to back down from their demands at "mission-critical" IEPS, like the one coming up.
Needless to say, I AM very charged up and passionate about my child's situation and the callous manner with which the district is treating him. I plan to be civil, but I tend to lose my cool if I am attacked. Of course, the district's tactics may be to push my buttons by describing my child in unflattering terms, hoping to get me to lose my temper first. TBH, this does not bode well. I don't want a screaming match on my hands. I can yell just as well as the next person, but I want to resolve this as amicably as possible even if I do end up homeschooling.
Some of the contentious issues are my complaints about my son's teacher (she is attending the meeting). At worst, she is not working on his goals at all. At best, she does not know what she is doing. Either way, she is a huge part of the problem. I plan to raise my complaints about her at the meeting and explain why I suspect that she is really not working with my son on his goals.. I had originally been alerted to this situation by my son's former classroom aide, and complained about it. All that happened was that my son got a new aide, a zombie who parrot cries, 'You need to talk to the teacher', as a canned answer to any question I ask - including if my son pooped in school that day ! Of course, the teacher is NEVER to be seen around to be questioned. When I ask for her (the teacher), prompt comes the response, 'she is busy'. Too busy to talk to a parent at the fag end of the day, especially after she cut off their only form of communication. Of course, it is all perfectly acceptable.
Obviously, these are red button issues. I have no idea how to raise these concerns without appearing confrontational at all. Furthermore, I am asking for more intensive services. That alone should be enough reason to get this man to fly off the handle at me,
All in all, not good scenery from my vantage point here,
How do I prepare for this potentially very contentious and confrontational meeting ? Please, any tips / advise / suggestions on how to stay C-A-L-M and focussed and restrained would help. What are some warning signs that I am about to be verbally attacked (yes, I tend to miss cues, too !) and what do I say / do to keep it civil, if Mr. Boor flies off the handle at me ?
TIA for all the advise / suggestions that you have for me.
It sounds like you should consider changing schools. However if that is not feasible, then I only have a small bit of advice. The school is not your friend. They never will be your friends. They can't be your friend. Their main priority is not the well being of your child. If it were the lives of children on the spectrum would be far different, as programs would actually be designed to nurture them and promote their strengths, rather than attempting to force them to conform to things they cannot. The school and it's administrators are required by law to ensure that your child conforms to certain standards, and thus this puts them in direct conflict with the best interest of your child. You must approach the school like a US Diplomat negotiating a trade agreement with China or some other semi-hostile entity.
In some instances it might be advisable you hire a lawyer. However, based on what you have said, I feel it would ultimately be in the best interest of your child to find a new district.
I have been communicating with her via email and will be meeting her on Monday. She is super busy with all the IEPS being scheduled around now, so I cannot meet her before then. I would love to drill that teacher at the IEP, but I have a feeling that the only person doing the talking from their side would be Mr. Brash Administrator.
I am beginning to get very nervous about sending my little one to school. My mother's instinct is telling me to keep my son under my nose. I cannot put my finger on it, but something does not feel right. I am not a paranoid person at all, and usually take people at face value. If my son could speak, then he would tell me all about his day and how he is being treated whilst there. But he is non-verbal and it works to their advantage. At best, he is neglected... AT BEST, they are leaving him to his own devices.
No communication journal, not letting me enter the classroom, putting gag orders on the aides, teacher mysteriously hidden and unavailable to meet with / talk to me during morning drop-offs and pick-ups, not permitting his current ABA therapists to enter the classroom to work with him during the day in his school setting... Lots of red flags fluttering brightly in the wind for me.
Chronos, you recommended that we change districts and I could not agree more. Unfortunately, for reasons that I cannot go into here, we are unable to move until mid-May next year. Since I do not want to send my son into that classroom, this creates a lot of stress for me.
Does anyone know if I could just keep my son at home until we meet for his IEP ? I am worried that they might deem him 'truant' and create more problems for us.
The other option is to pull my son out of his program completely, reject his IEP, and simply homeschool him, supplemented by two-days-week of private preschool and ABA from the insurance company. But, if this happens, then I would have given up without fighting for in-home ABA services from the district - and they may have relented, if I fought hard enough. Either way, I no longer want my son in that class.
I am completely and utterly confused now. What should be my next step ?
Last edited by HisMom on 20 Sep 2012, 10:17 am, edited 1 time in total.
Depending on the laws in your state you could home school. The problem there is you would have to withdraw him and then they are not obligated to do anything for you (depending on where you live.) I do not know the logistics of doing a temporary withdrawal for home schooling pending IEP. That would be a good question for your advocate who would know the laws of your location.
The other matter is that if you do not trust them to take care of your non-verbal child, an IEP does not fix that. People commonly complain about IEPs not being followed. If you have a non-verbal (or even one with communication problems) it is relatively easy to ignore a lot of what you ask for other than things like logs and communication journals etc that you would involve physical evidence.
If you can prove (good luck) that the district cannot or won't take care of your child's need you can make the district pay for private assistance, but that is not so easy based on what I have read.
The other matter is that if you do not trust them to take care of your non-verbal child, an IEP does not fix that. People commonly complain about IEPs not being followed. If you have a non-verbal (or even one with communication problems) it is relatively easy to ignore a lot of what you ask for other than things like logs and communication journals etc that you would involve physical evidence.
Hi, the other thing that I am asking for is ABA. This would be difficult to ask for since my son is non-verbal ? I am confused. Do things like communication journal that would contain a daily log of the goals the school worked on with my son, and serve as a parent - teacher medium, have to be written into the IEP to be implemented ?
My brain is on slow mode, so could you elaborate ? Why would this be difficult ? My current contention is that by refusing to communicate with me and by refusing to permit his current ABA therapists to enter the classroom, the district is preventing me from being an equal team member and making it impossible for me to participate in my son's education. Isn't this enough reason to get them to pay for private placement ? Most preschools around here have "open door" policies for parents and these children are typically developing, VERBAL kids. So, isn't it a HUGE red flag that the district would not want parents or their therapists in a program for non-verbal children ? What do they have to hide ? Help !
HisMom
I didn't realize your concerns about his welfare were so dire. Keep him home. Tell them that you are keeping him home until you have an IEP in place that you agree to. I know our district has a minimum number of hours that a child must attend to be considered a full-time student and for us that minimum number would allow quite a few absences (like 30+ days). I also found out that I could have a shortened day written in to his IEP which I plan to do. There are situations where a school district has determined that they cannot properly educate a child in any of the available settings and such a child ends up being at home but is not withdrawn from the school system. Kids in this situation continue to receive services from the school district. I believe there is a term for this but it is escaping me at the moment. Of course that is probably the least desirable outcome for the school district that you are working with because it costs them even more money than it would to provide him services at school.
I didn't realize your concerns about his welfare were so dire. Keep him home. Tell them that you are keeping him home until you have an IEP in place that you agree to. I know our district has a minimum number of hours that a child must attend to be considered a full-time student and for us that minimum number would allow quite a few absences (like 30+ days). I also found out that I could have a shortened day written in to his IEP which I plan to do. There are situations where a school district has determined that they cannot properly educate a child in any of the available settings and such a child ends up being at home but is not withdrawn from the school system. Kids in this situation continue to receive services from the school district. I believe there is a term for this but it is escaping me at the moment. Of course that is probably the least desirable outcome for the school district that you are working with because it costs them even more money than it would to provide him services at school.
Hi, 30 days of absence out of how many days ? I am also going to ask for a shortened day - and I should call my advocate right away. Also, may I pm you ? Thanks !
I did not communicate well. Sometimes I am prone to this.
ABA is appropriate for a non-verbal child; definitely. The question is (as you discovered with the play goal) knowing for sure if they deliver it. If your child is non-verbal you will not know if they comply or not because your child cannot tell you.
For example, my son gets speech for pragmatics even though he is verbal. If they decided to discontinue it and not tell me, my child may (or may not) tell me they stopped delivering it. A non verbal child could not easily inform you if a service was not provided unless you had some PECS thing for it.
If your son is supposed to get ABA or play therapy etc. even if you get that in the IEP, given that you do not trust them, how would you know they are delivering it. You would need to write something into the IEP (ask your advocate how to do this--as I have not had to do this) for a sign up sheet or some physical proof that they were complying, to be confident they were doing what you asked. This does NOT mean you should not ask. it means you have to verify that what was promised is being delivered.
The reason I say this, is because if I am understanding you, you currently have things like play therapy in your IEP that are not being complied with. This tells me that even if they agree to add something else into the IEP, you could not be confident that they are complying. You would not be able to find out from your child, so you would want some proof for your peace of mind.
Your advocate will be a better source for info on trying to get $$$ from the district for private services---but I will say what I have learned here (I have also had not had this situation come up.) Based on what I heard, it is hard to prove to the court that a district cannot/is not providing for special needs and school districts will try to delay and delay so that if you do win in court it may be years after you already paid for private services. I am not a lawyer or an advocate (nor play one on TV
)so if this is the route you choose you will need expert advice on this. My understanding though is it is not a straight forward as it sounds or should be.
I just returned from visiting a private, floor-time based preschool and I signed up for it.
ASDMommy, you are absolutely right. I have lost my trust and will never be comfortable with my son in his current program.
My question to you folks now is.- this preschool is two days a week for 2.5 hours a day. They have an open door policy and prior experience working with children on the spectrum. Both pluses. Even better, they WANT his therapist to come with him to help him along. I am sold.
However, I do understand that he may still need DTT, so I am planning to ask for a mixed placement in his IEP - non-cat classroom 3 days a week for 3 hours a week with an aide, and 2 days of private, floor-time preschool the other 2 days with his ABA therapist.
I am positive that I am the first parent to ask for this from the district. I know the non-cat teacher and trust her more than his current one. Does this sound good to you ? Has anyone heard of a combination of special ed placement and private placement before ? It is not as good as homeschooling exclusivety, but it comes really close.
Your thoughts ?
It will depend on the rules of your state. To the best of my knowledge, my state allows for dual private/public enrollment at the preschool level but they will not pay for the private school or private services. Presumably the district could if they wanted to(Unlikely in most cases, I think,) but the state does not provide funding for this.
So depending on your state, you may be able to do this, but you will probably have to pay for the private school yourself. Your advocate will know the rules of your state.
I didn't realize your concerns about his welfare were so dire. Keep him home. Tell them that you are keeping him home until you have an IEP in place that you agree to. I know our district has a minimum number of hours that a child must attend to be considered a full-time student and for us that minimum number would allow quite a few absences (like 30+ days). I also found out that I could have a shortened day written in to his IEP which I plan to do. There are situations where a school district has determined that they cannot properly educate a child in any of the available settings and such a child ends up being at home but is not withdrawn from the school system. Kids in this situation continue to receive services from the school district. I believe there is a term for this but it is escaping me at the moment. Of course that is probably the least desirable outcome for the school district that you are working with because it costs them even more money than it would to provide him services at school.
Hi, 30 days of absence out of how many days ? I am also going to ask for a shortened day - and I should call my advocate right away. Also, may I pm you ? Thanks !
It was about (I forget exactly) 30 days for the school year. In their rules it was actually stated as a number of hours that a child must attend. THe way I had figured it, he could miss at least 1 day per week and still meet the minimum.
It sounds like you have come up with a much more acceptable solution but feel free to pm me if you want! BTW we did 100% private pre-school. The only public pre-school in our county is basically special needs however, they do encourage "peers" (aka kids without any disabilities) to attend with the thought that this is beneficial for both groups. The catch for us, DS was too high functioning to be considered for placement there as a special needs kid but had too many behavioral difficulties for them to accept him as a peer. Thankfully the private pre-school we went too was willing to work with us and he had teachers there that were awesome!
Friends,
I fully expect the district to claim at the IEP that my son's insurance company recommending several hours of ABA per week for him is a MEDICAL recommendation, not an educational recommendation. I would like to know how to counter this. My immediate reaction is to tell them that since his stimming and non-compliance interferes with his learning, he has an educational need for ABA, not just a medical need. Other than this, I have no other counters and I am sure they would have plenty up their own sleeves. I am not the first person they have encountered with demands for ABA and I won't be the last.
So, any advise from you on how to counter their refusals to provide ABA would help me. They also claimed that my son has an intellectual disability, and, would therefore NOT benefit from the ABA. Is this an acceptable argument ? I am trying to look for links to any studies that have proved that ABA is an effective treatment for autism, regardless of whether mental retardation is a co-morbid condition with the autism or not..
Please, please help me, people.
TIA.
