Help! Special education teacher may have overstepped!

Post Reply New Topic

I don't see the disclosure is harmful, but it does seem a bit tactless in that instance. I know, in my personal experience, having that diagnosis kept "hidden" and not discussed led to a lot more emotional baggage later on. The diagnosis would help explain to him how he can be very intelligent, and still have significant struggles at the same time.

I would suggest speaking with the special ed teacher about this first. If you are not satisfied with her response, then you might consider speaking with the principal. In any case, I think the ideal goal would be for you and the teacher to be on the same page regarding Isaac, so venting here rather than bringing emotions into the conference seems like a very good idea.

Hi misstippy.

My son was diagnosed about 3 months after his 7th birthday and it was probably about another two months before I told him. We had a long wait for the assessment, during which I had done loads of reading and spoken to the Speech and Language Therapist he already had by that time, and knew he would be diagnosed with Asperger's. It was always my intention to tell him, but like you I found it difficult to find the right time and way to tell him. When I did tell him it was prompted by a comment or question from my son, and I took the opportunity then to tell him.

Like your son, my son was already aware of Asperger's because he'd seen books about it lying around and I'd explained it to him pretty much in the same way that you've done. That meant I wasn't starting from zero knowledge or shared understanding. I asked him if he remembered the times he'd gone to meet with the ladies who'd asked him questions and videoed him and played different games with him (as part of the assessment) and then said that what they were doing was finding out more about him and how his brain worked, and that they'd decided that he had Asperger's. I also referred to the fact that he saw his SLT every week at school, which he had wondered about before.

I kept it very brief and simple, because it's the start of a longer term, on-going conversation. You don't need to say it all at once! I said that in some ways his brain worked differently from other people and that's why he found some things easier and some things more difficult than other children. I said that with the things he found difficult, the SLT was helping him to work out his own way of doing those things so that he would find them easier. Some things he would have to think about more than others, but over time as he got used to thinking about it he would get into the habit. He's interested in driving so I said it was like when someone learns to drive a car, at first they have to really concentrate and think about mirror, signal, maneouvre, for example, but as they drive more and more they have to think about it less and less and do it naturally.

I had always told my son that all people are different in all sorts of ways and that we are all precious and valuable as individuals. We are Christians, and he has been taught at home, at school and at church that we are all made in the image of God. I see difference as a positive thing, that's the way I was brought up and that's what I pass on, I hope, to my son.

We have had many conversations, some in depth, some quite brief and in the passing, since then. For a time, when he was about 8 years old he had a lot of questions and when I suggested getting some books for him he was enthusiastic about that. His favourite book for a while was, "Asperger Syndrome, the Universe and Everything". It was written by an Irish boy, Kenneth Hall, when he was about 10 years old. He could see that in some ways he and Kenneth were alike and in other ways very different.

When it comes to telling your son, I think you just need to seize the opportunity as it arises naturally. Keep it simple and answer questions, and let him know that he can talk to you about it any time.

I don't think it's a battle worth fighting. Did it bother your son or did it bother you?

If you're son is doing really good with the teacher, it's especially not worth bringing up.

One issue to keep in mind is....what your son heard might be slightly different than what the teacher said...and what he told you might be slightly different than what he heard...sometimes things get lost in the communication process. It happens. And, I don't know if it's worth the time to find out exactly what was said and in what context. Maybe, just give him your definition - kids do get very curious about their bodies, including their brains...and if he is starting to express thoughts about how his body/brain works..you have a great teaching opportunity presented to you. It's a journey, for sure.