HisMom wrote:
DerStadtschutz wrote:
ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
HisMom wrote:
She had asked me last week if I was upset with her or anything and I told her that I was not, and that I could see how she would be afraid of ending up with a severely developmentally delayed child like my boy and that I would spare her the problems from now, sticking only to the point. I thought that the conversation had ended on a decent note.
(bolding mine)
I think the above statement is the problem. I know you did not mean anything bad, but to a pregnant or aspiring pregnant woman, that would be very upsetting (If I am comprehending correctly and you said that instead of just thinking it.) That is probably why she is calling it "negativity."
You're right; The above statement is the problem... If you think that would be upsetting to an aspiring mother to be, imagine how it feels for someone who's autistic to read him/herself being described in that way... You know, we're people too. Whatever hell you think your life is going to become as a result of raising one of us doesn't even begin to compare to the hell we live every single day, especially when people refer to us like this all the time... You and the OP should be ashamed of yourselves. I feel bad for the children of both of you.
Are you for real ? Do you know how much my son is suffering ? Do you even barely get how hard it is to watch him struggle ? My SIL knows what I go through and probably worries that she may end up in a similar situation. No matter how you put it, seeing your child suffer is like having your heart ripped out from your body every moment of the day and trampled on relentlessly.
You worry about the here and now, and you worry about the future of your child. What happens to him after you are dead and gone and no longer around to look out for him and care for him ? You see, not everyone is high functioning or a Bill Gates or an Edison or an Einstein. Some of us do end up with children who may end up low functioning as adults and need constant supervision and care. If those children suffer, their parents suffer even more... Fear is a constant factor in your life when you have a child who, you fear, will never be able to speak or read or write or post on an Internet forum. A child who is vulnerable in every way possible and every day that they live. A child you want to protect for the rest of Eternity, except that no one lives eternally, and, one day, you will go, leaving that vulnerable child behind, alone, and defenseless. Do you get how that would make a parent feel, Mister ? You hope that your child will get up to speed some day but what if he never ?
You, sir, have NO clue what parents with a child who suffers on multiple levels go through. Grow some empathy in your system while you are at it.
So it's possible I misunderstood exactly what was meant, but in my defense, every bit of information I see relating to help and autism is ALWAYS from the perspective of a parent going "oh woe is me, my child won't be what I wanted him to be," and autistic or not, that's a BS thing to be upset about. It also doesn't take into consideration WHATSOEVER, how WE feel about it. How about supporting the autistic people(ADULTS TOO, not just kids. It's not like we turn 18, and it just goes away) instead of just pandering to the parents? The way you worded this(and the way most of these kinds of things are worded) paints us as nothing but a burden and makes it seem like we should be all sympathetic toward the parents only. It treats us as a problem. That's incredibly insulting and disrespectful, and frankly, I'm sick and tired of it.
Don't sit there and try to tell me to grow some empathy. I have empathy... toward your child, but not so much toward you. I grew up with parents who wanted nothing more than to change every damn thing about me. Every single thing I did was "wrong" or "stupid." I got bitched at for not being "normal" my entire life, and then here you come, complaining about YOUR troubles caused by your autistic child... Excuse me all to hell for not being sympathetic. If you didn't mean it the way you came off, then I apologize. Just remember that your child has feelings too, and that you need to support him, not just "deal with him." I'm sure it's difficult for the parent as well, but it's at least as difficult for the child, and you need to understand that and try your best not to add to it by viewing him as a burden. High functioning or not, he WILL pick up on it. As someone who lived thru that, I'm telling you now, DON'T do that to your child. You will destroy his self esteem if you do.
And like someone else already said, you're asking for empathy in the wrong place. As the mother of a person with autism, I'd expect you to have researched autism and know that a supposed lack of empathy is one of the signs/symptoms of autism.
25 Oct 2012, 2:40 pm
