Church and Sunday School

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A "cry room" is just sort of a slang word. It is different than a nursery however.

A cry room is a sound proof room with windows viewing the alter. Parents can go into this room with infants and small children who may be crying, loud or unable to sit through the service. Unlike a nursery, the children and parents remain together, and the parents can view the mass.

Let's not argue the merits of church or nurseries in general.

In answer to the specific question, I do not think it would have worked for me to leave my son in a strange childcare setting when he was 4. For any length of time. I would not have taken that risk. I did eventually enroll him in a children's program at church, but I went with him for the first 3 times, until he said it was OK for me to go.

I taught in that program for a number of years, too.

Here is the thing: these are not usually staffed by paid childcare professionals. It is usually moms and volunteers. You can get lucky, or you can get unlucky.

I was not comfortable leaving my special needs child with someone who did not know him or his issues, in a place he hadn't been to before. We'd spent too much time being thrown 2 steps back for mistakes.

I did take him to a funeral service when he was 3 and that boy was an angel. Couldn't get him to sit through church in normal circumstances, but for that he knew what he had to do, and he wanted to be there. We sat in the way back of the church so we could bolt if we had to.

I think you need to tell your aunt that you have a special needs child and you'll need to do a little homework before you accept her invitation. There is a huge variety of ways that different churches handle 4 year olds. Some expect them to go through a certain routine of teaching time, snack and playtime. For others it's all play or all teaching. I would find out and then ask if the caregiver could handle your son and give them as much info you can on your son based on what the do with 4 year olds.

My church had no cry room until my son was 4 years old. Once built, we always were in there so he could roam around and be happy while we prayed. When he was 2 1/2, I went to a 2 hour bible study once a week where I first left him off with strangers - but it was a consistent caregiver/teacher. He screamed for an hour for the first 5 times I left him there. I did not know he had AS and thought I was doing the right thing. The result was that once he was acclimated, he was happy and did well in the group. They did a routine of teaching, snack, craft, and outdoor play. (To this day I'm not sure if this was good or bad but it is what it is. It was good for me because I needed a little sanity time. It also set him but for future situations when I left him at nurseries or classes.)

Yea. My situation is unique because I have social anxiety and my husband works most Sundays. The churches where I live are mostly bad, but there are a couple that are okay for my boy and his IQ level and diagnoses.

But yea. For the independent parent who has a child who cannot attend church, I wouldn't. My church is an exception. Believe me.