aceptng responsibility

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that idea is great! I think it wouldnt have helped yesterday casue he refused any and all fod options EXCEPT the farina. He is very picky. But maybe another day that would work.

I dont want him to be "normal". I love him for who he is. I just want him to HEAR me, hear others and respond. I want him to acknowledge that he has a say in his behaviors and the consequences, and that he takes a part in our daily interactions.

I dont get the delay theory. My 3yo behaves better, listens better, she will say OOPS I didnt mean that, or Im sorry, or own up to wat she did. If it is a delay..waht age is his brain at? 1yo 2yo? I never had these issues with DD. I think its more of a disturbance then a delay. But waht do I know?

Still today he is off the wall, not listening. He just never once learns from the past. It is like I have to tel him the same things over and over and he covers his ears. He doesnt want to hear it, but what else can I do?

To answer your question one would have to know what actions a person did that was wrong. How can one accept responsibility for something if one doesn't know how he was wrong or why he wrong? I don't understand this myself. If you don't tell him something and unless it is blatantly obvious how would he know that action x was wrong? If he couldn't hear something you said then how is he wrong for not taking responsibility? If a loud clang causes a part of a message that you said to be lopped of then why wouldn't one blame the loud clang. Again I do not understand.



If something in the recipe does not come out right how does one tell if it was you or if the recipe is flawed. If the recipe is flawed and I can point to the flaw why wouldn't I blame the flaw? I don't get it.



I don't understand this myself. Why is it never noble to blame others? If one is to take responsibility and has done wrong wouldn't he have to know exactly what his offense was? How can one take responsibility for something he may not know or doesn't understand as to what his offense was?

Well, my advice is to show him what he did wrong and to show him how to analyze to come up with what he did wrong? Why would one take responsibility for something and plead guilty to something he feels he has no guilt or felt like he did nothing wrong?

Cubed,

EXACTLY my worry. He will never own up to anything cause he doesnt accept the responsibility. He will blame others for his own actions. I fear he will become an adult and do bad things and not understand why he is being arrested, and then go do it again.

Lets say he hit his sister. No hitting allowed.Period. He will say he hit her casue she was bothering him. I understand and am compassionate towards him being pestered by his little sister. But we dont hit. But its ALL HER FAULT. I wouldnt have hit if she didnt bother me. I get you. But again, YOU Are the one who hit. Had he said, "I shouldnt have hit, I wasnt thinking, probably becasxue she was driving me crazy" Id be THRILLED. its a step in the right direction. but he will refuse to accept any blame. He did nothing wrong in his eyes. its al her fault.

One day he had a meltdown at his freinds house casue the friends wii broke. HE was screaming, crying, yelling and hitting, headbutting, etc...took over 30 minutes to get him out of the house. He cried and yelled the whloe way home that it was MY FAULT he got upset cause I didnt let him stay longer. But the kid was SCARING his freinds. They had never seen a large child meltdown, and what was I to do let it go on and on? He was ripping at their moldings and banging his head into their wall. INstead of recognizing that his actions casued up to have an early departure, he blamed me. Even when it was long said and done he STILL blamed me. NEVER ever once does he see that even if it was me saying we have to go home, he had a part in it too. I dont even want him to accept 100%, just show me that you know you took some part in what happened. But so far, nothing. If he spills water, its the cups fault. I just dont get it.

As for the recipe example, sometimes I skip an ingredient or miss a step. thats my point to hiim. Not that the RECIPE was flawed, it was perfect. I am the one who messed up. We are all human, even adults make errors. Look, I didnt read the recipe right, OOPS, oh well! I want him to see that everyone messes up and its not that big of a deal. Just own it and move on. He will yell, fight and insist he had no part in anything, ever. He is completely blind to his own actions.

Ahhh, I understand He has fallacious reasoning. He reasons that just because person x does something to him gives him the right to hit. Tell him even if she is bothering him it still does not give him the right to hit her. Tell him that except for self-defense there is no justification you can give me for hitting anyone. There are other things he can do like tell you. I would teach him conflict resolution skills as well.



I would question his reasoning. His rationale makes no sense to me as well. If I was you I would ask him how it was your fault that he started crying, screaming, yelling and hitting when the WII broke? His meltdown began when the WII broke did it not? How does your not allowing him to stay longer play as a factor at all. I don't even understand the reasoning myself. This is what I would say to him.



I do not believe anything is perfect. Yes we do make errors. It is possible that you missed a step. Aren't there cases in which the recipe could be flawed? For me, I wouldn't know what I did wrong if I did anything wrong unless I identify it. Let's say I go through the steps of the receipe 6 times and it comes out with the same bad results. Couldn't the recipe be flawed and to extend this concept couldn't it be that some external entities are at fault? Some things have grey areas in which it is difficult to tell. When I know something is my fault I will say "my bad." If I don't see how it is my fault I need a logical explanation if someone believes it is.