tantrum/meltdown when praised for making the right choice???

Post Reply New Topic

u know I have seen him with this look in his eye like he is almost saying "mom what is the big deal I chose not to hit you" and he is only five lol so that does seem to ring true.

that happens to me too,im 20 and all my life,when people say "ohhhh nice!" "very good!" "he is this that good" things like verbal rewards and even if its in front of a lot of people its wrost,i hate it,i just feel like embarassement or like they are exagerating for me to like them or because they feel bad for me...weird feeling.
action speaks louder than words,talk is cheap,do instead of say,thats how maybe all AS people are...

peace

that makes sense really in a way.... especially about actions speak louder than words thats something i am always saying (especially to the husband lol) so that is what i will go on.... im really glad i found this website.....

many children feel "controlled" somehow when people reward them for making the preferred choice; as difficult as it may be, you might want to leave the praise alone for a few days and see what happens.

NOTE: This comes from personal experience when I was like 4-5-6 yrs old...

Yeah, I still hate being praised....

There is just something about it not being real - it's like. .. what do you care... it's really none of your business , of what I can achieve.

-By praising him for overcoming, what he may perceive tobe a disability, it also demeens him.

That I can see. My son is only five now but I believe he is starting to realize that something is different about him. For example, going to counseling and neurologist and stuff. So that I could see like why are you so excited over something I should be doing anyway. So I have just been kind of smiling at him and being quiet when he chooses not to do the aggressive thing and that is ALL I do. It is much easier now. Why is it so obvious once it is explained to me but not before. I guess sometimes I try too hard.

Going against the tide. . . my son loves verbal praise and affection. He reciprocates too. However, he does act worse, hot-tempered, shortly after a scheduled reward-usually a new video game. He'll get snappy, sometimes violently angry if things don't go just his way.
Sometimes it goes on for a couple of days.

Would "Thank you" be any good?

as a physical child I felt I needed to be perfect in every way. It was the only way to not come under someone's observation. it was my only coin to buy them off, and turn the glaring spotlight of their attention off myself. Yes, just as I write that I see it is true, it is like turning on the spot light and I don't like strong direct light. not at all.

Even til I self diagnosed with AS, when some unknowing soul says "Ma'am? ma'am you dropped your "fill in the blank"" I would turn and viciously lash out at them, resentful that they pointed out my deficiency of not being able to 'keep it together'
I think that is the key to my own defensiveness, whether the observation was 'good' or 'bad' I resented the observation. Oh, I have read about 'Exposure Anxiety' and perhaps that is the reason, but I was so rigid to keep me from spewing out everything I had ever tried to hold on to just to keep it together.


now after I know what is going on, I cringe at my over defensiveness. Of course, with an attitude like that many left me alone. and I know that is what I was looking for, to be let alone.
Hey, maybe Greta Garbo WAS one of us, as she didn't say, "I want to BE alone," she said "I ant to be LEFT alone"

Merle