Inthistogether - you're right to point out the age, and it certainly is important to do things in a developmentally appropriate way...so sorry if I misjudged that, it's obviously hard to get a full picture of things from a brief paragraph. You're right that teens may resent this sort of thing. I actually used that to my advantage once when I was a one-on-one with a kid, where I had a deal going with him, where I'd only go near him if he was being inappropriate. I'd use visual cues, instead of verbal prompts, by writing things on index cards and handing them to him. He found that embarrassing too, so he quickly learned to correct his behavior to avoid me having to tell him to behave. When he was beginning to misbehave, he would often look over to me to see if I was watching. Other times, when I'd get up from my chair, he would check himself and make sure he was doing everything right. I always spoke quietly and calmly with him, when we did speak. And although he didn't like talking to me in front of friends, we got along fine in less socially pressured situations.
Instruction needs to be geared toward the developmental level of children, but that doesn't always map onto age. If there is a 12 year old who refuses to share, then no matter how babyish it may seem, the parents will have to work on sharing. They can certainly phrase things in a way that is more suited to the child's language abilities and intelligence. They can also discuss things ahead of time, and work out a visual code to avoid unnecessary embarrassment. (e.g. Thumbs up = you're doing the right thing, thumbs down = knock it off, or I'm going to have to go talk to you soon). If the child is not capable of behaving appropriately with peers, then leaving him unsupervised with them may spare him embarrassment from parents, but it won't help him keep or make friends. He needs to learn basic social skills, and as he masters them, be rewarded with increased privacy and independence.
04 Mar 2014, 11:47 pm
