Bullying incident
04 May 2014, 4:22 pm
EmileMulder wrote:
Maybe this is overly optimistic, but if the parents are upset by this behavior, it may be worth trying to educate the kids some, or help the parents do so. Maybe even buy the girl a book explaining autism, or ask the parents if you could all meet together so you could explain it. It's possible that she was even trying to help in her own way - she saw the grass eating and wanted to intervene, but didn't have the nerve to tell you directly. If you could speak with the family, including her, you could explain pica and say that you're glad she's looking out for him, and even ask that if she sees pica when others don't notice it, she could really help out by telling you immediately.
Understanding is the first step of empathy, and if you could get this busy-body girl on your side, she may turn out to be a great ally to your son in the future. Children can be cruel and insensitive, but they can also be kind when they have the right understanding and motivation.
Understanding is the first step of empathy, and if you could get this busy-body girl on your side, she may turn out to be a great ally to your son in the future. Children can be cruel and insensitive, but they can also be kind when they have the right understanding and motivation.
You know, this thought did cross my mind however I also found "You are a poop" chalked into the sidewalk (targeted at me, I assume). Anyway it just rained and all the chalk is now gone. Good thing I got photos.
04 May 2014, 4:54 pm
It is really unusual for kids that age to direct things at adults. Closer to pre-teen age, and on into teenage years some of them have the cojones...but not the young ones. Usually those kinds of younger kids cozy up to the parents thinking that will give them credibility/deniability. I would be careful with them and with due respect to Emile, I would not try to engage them in cooperation. I am not good with categorizing people, but those kids do not seem to match any healthy pattern I am familiar with.
04 May 2014, 5:41 pm
ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
It is really unusual for kids that age to direct things at adults. Closer to pre-teen age, and on into teenage years some of them have the cojones...but not the young ones. Usually those kinds of younger kids cozy up to the parents thinking that will give them credibility/deniability. I would be careful with them and with due respect to Emile, I would not try to engage them in cooperation. I am not good with categorizing people, but those kids do not seem to match any healthy pattern I am familiar with.
I'm trying to figure this out...they are treating us like we are other kids! My wife and I do look very young for our age...around 40 but still get carded. Maybe they think we're weirdos because most people in this neighborhood are obsessed with sports (especially hockey) and we could care less about it? Plus my wife is Asian so different for them...
Don't worry, I don't plan on engaging with/acknowledging them in any way.
One thing that worries us is if this continues, once they get older it could really escalate to broken windows, car keying or worse.
Also I know that at least one of them goes to my son's school so there could be issues there as well (though right now he's with an aide 100% of the time.)
04 May 2014, 6:31 pm
Wreck-Gar wrote:
ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
It is really unusual for kids that age to direct things at adults. Closer to pre-teen age, and on into teenage years some of them have the cojones...but not the young ones. Usually those kinds of younger kids cozy up to the parents thinking that will give them credibility/deniability. I would be careful with them and with due respect to Emile, I would not try to engage them in cooperation. I am not good with categorizing people, but those kids do not seem to match any healthy pattern I am familiar with.
I'm trying to figure this out...they are treating us like we are other kids! My wife and I do look very young for our age...around 40 but still get carded. Maybe they think we're weirdos because most people in this neighborhood are obsessed with sports (especially hockey) and we could care less about it? Plus my wife is Asian so different for them...
Don't worry, I don't plan on engaging with/acknowledging them in any way.
One thing that worries us is if this continues, once they get older it could really escalate to broken windows, car keying or worse.
Also I know that at least one of them goes to my son's school so there could be issues there as well (though right now he's with an aide 100% of the time.)
Yeah, I would definitely keep an eye out for them.
04 May 2014, 8:20 pm
Quote:
That's horrible...what happened to those kids?
They were suspended. Although, I had already spoken to the school about bullying in general and bullying by those kids in particular, and the school still failed to protect DS. We have since moved to a different school district.
04 May 2014, 9:06 pm
Wreck-Gar wrote:
ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
It is really unusual for kids that age to direct things at adults. Closer to pre-teen age, and on into teenage years some of them have the cojones...but not the young ones. Usually those kinds of younger kids cozy up to the parents thinking that will give them credibility/deniability. I would be careful with them and with due respect to Emile, I would not try to engage them in cooperation. I am not good with categorizing people, but those kids do not seem to match any healthy pattern I am familiar with.
I'm trying to figure this out...they are treating us like we are other kids! My wife and I do look very young for our age...around 40 but still get carded. Maybe they think we're weirdos because most people in this neighborhood are obsessed with sports (especially hockey) and we could care less about it? Plus my wife is Asian so different for them...
Don't worry, I don't plan on engaging with/acknowledging them in any way.
One thing that worries us is if this continues, once they get older it could really escalate to broken windows, car keying or worse.
Also I know that at least one of them goes to my son's school so there could be issues there as well (though right now he's with an aide 100% of the time.)
Another thought struck me. Generally, younger kids tend to reflect their parents' opinions of people. Is it possible that the parents are making fun of you and your family in the privacy of their own homes and within earshot of their impressionable children ? They may not realize that their mocking is made public because what they think of you in private may be reflected by their children's behaviors / attitudes towards you in public. Older kids are generally smarter and more diplomatic, but younger kids lack that sort of thinking and may assume that since their parents are making fun of you (even if privately), they can, too.
If I were you, and since you are really worried about possible vandalism, I would check the laws of my state, and install (if legal) surveillance cameras ASAP. Peace of mind is priceless. And nothing talks like evidence caught on tape.
04 May 2014, 10:05 pm
HisMom wrote:
Another thought struck me. Generally, younger kids tend to reflect their parents' opinions of people. Is it possible that the parents are making fun of you and your family in the privacy of their own homes and within earshot of their impressionable children ? They may not realize that their mocking is made public because what they think of you in private may be reflected by their children's behaviors / attitudes towards you in public. Older kids are generally smarter and more diplomatic, but younger kids lack that sort of thinking and may assume that since their parents are making fun of you (even if privately), they can, too.
If I were you, and since you are really worried about possible vandalism, I would check the laws of my state, and install (if legal) surveillance cameras ASAP. Peace of mind is priceless. And nothing talks like evidence caught on tape.
I wasn't really thinking of that but it's a possibility...not sure if I really want to install a camera but I will look into it.
Thanks
05 May 2014, 2:56 am
HisMom wrote:
Another thought struck me. Generally, younger kids tend to reflect their parents' opinions of people. Is it possible that the parents are making fun of you and your family in the privacy of their own homes and within earshot of their impressionable children ? They may not realize that their mocking is made public because what they think of you in private may be reflected by their children's behaviors / attitudes towards you in public. Older kids are generally smarter and more diplomatic, but younger kids lack that sort of thinking and may assume that since their parents are making fun of you (even if privately), they can, too.
This is most likely the cause of it.
Children playing aside my son in the yard from the neighborhood have said things to us that no young child could come up with, like that we need to take him to a doctor because of his brain or that they have places to put children like him. Even racist comments, it is clear they are just repeating what they hear at home.
05 May 2014, 6:38 am
For those wondering why and how kids this age do this and get away with it, it's bad parenting. All over the place and rampant. I live in a completely middle/upper middle class neighborhood. Lots of spoiled rotten brats. I run a girl scout troop and some of these kids are real little %$#@s. They are 7. The kids sit there, right in the middle of the meeting, and are disrespectful and think its funny. The worst part is that the parents sit right there and do nothing about it.
It drives me nuts because my daughter picks up on some of it and thinks it acceptable because those kids do it and then when I actually punish her for it, it's a complete shock.
The situation would be MUCH easier if the parents weren't there since they aren't going to do anything about it. I could make the kids sit the meeting out. Instead I really honestly have the feeling that the parents are there to make sure I DONT make little Suzie toe the line.
I doubt the parents will do anything as the attitude seems to be that if it's their kid doing it "Its all in good fun, and kids are kids" but if it's being done to them it's a different story (did I mention some of these parents petitioned to have my daughter removed from school for being autistic?)
If the kids are acting like that, garunteed the parents are validating that behavior in some way and you likely won't get anywhere with the parents.
Case in point, I have a pretty bratty 7 year old girl living next door. One day my 4 year old was outside playing with her. It was all going well until the 7 year old picked up a pointy wrought iron lawn decoration of some type and purposely hit my 4 year old with it. I saw the whole thing from the window (What kind of insane person would let their 4 year old play outside unsupervised? I might be washing dishes but I am watching). So I run out there and the 7 year old acts all innocent. Her mom comes out. I tell the mom what happened. She asked the 7 year old what happened... and took her word on it that it was completely an accident. Seriously wtf? It doesn't matter if it was an accident or on purpose, you still punish the kid as she shouldn't have been swinging around a pointy wrought iron lawn sculture either way. No the kid gets zero punishment and the mom gives her a popsicle. If my kid did that, even if it was claimed to be an accident, they would be punished into the ground.
Sorry to go on and on.... I just see so much of this. It's really worrying. PArents don't punish their kids and instil a "me first, me everything" attitude. Very dangerous.
05 May 2014, 12:07 pm
ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
It is really unusual for kids that age to direct things at adults. Closer to pre-teen age, and on into teenage years some of them have the cojones...but not the young ones. Usually those kinds of younger kids cozy up to the parents thinking that will give them credibility/deniability. I would be careful with them and with due respect to Emile, I would not try to engage them in cooperation. I am not good with categorizing people, but those kids do not seem to match any healthy pattern I am familiar with.
I don't think it is really unusual. I remember when I was a kid we used to hide in the bushes with water pistols and fire them on adults too. Kids just test out their limits. And if they do it to other kids they will get beat up, kids know adults probably won't hit them.
Not that this makes this behavior any better, but I don't think it is really uncommon.
05 May 2014, 12:15 pm
trollcatman wrote:
ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
It is really unusual for kids that age to direct things at adults. Closer to pre-teen age, and on into teenage years some of them have the cojones...but not the young ones. Usually those kinds of younger kids cozy up to the parents thinking that will give them credibility/deniability. I would be careful with them and with due respect to Emile, I would not try to engage them in cooperation. I am not good with categorizing people, but those kids do not seem to match any healthy pattern I am familiar with.
I don't think it is really unusual. I remember when I was a kid we used to hide in the bushes with water pistols and fire them on adults too. Kids just test out their limits. And if they do it to other kids they will get beat up, kids know adults probably won't hit them.
Not that this makes this behavior any better, but I don't think it is really uncommon.
I guess I am just fortunate then. In my experience the little ones still have some innate fear, and it takes them until closer to 11-12 to figure out what you are saying. I have had kids try to bully my son in front of me, in ways I guess they thought were subtle, but that is as brave as I have seen the littler ones get. These kids seem unusually brazen in what they are doing, and it seems worse to me than water guns, because it is targeted. Also girls that age talking about "poop" is odd too. They should have outgrown that.
Now the older ones I have seen do this.
The posters who indicated it might be the parents setting this into motion, might be on the right track with it, too. I don't know.
05 May 2014, 6:23 pm
We have told this story to a lot of people (therapists, other parents) and they are urging us to report it to the school since the girl goes to the same school as my son. One therapist told us that the school might even get social services involved. Not sure if I want to do this yet as it was still the first incident and don't want any reprisals...
Anyway if I'd known that the kids were going to write on my sidewalk I'd definitely have tried to record them marching down the street...I didn't mention this before but it was actually the girl's first communion party and she was wearing her headpiece during this whole episode...
05 May 2014, 10:17 pm
Wreck-Gar wrote:
We have told this story to a lot of people (therapists, other parents) and they are urging us to report it to the school since the girl goes to the same school as my son. One therapist told us that the school might even get social services involved. Not sure if I want to do this yet as it was still the first incident and don't want any reprisals...
Anyway if I'd known that the kids were going to write on my sidewalk I'd definitely have tried to record them marching down the street...I didn't mention this before but it was actually the girl's first communion party and she was wearing her headpiece during this whole episode...
Anyway if I'd known that the kids were going to write on my sidewalk I'd definitely have tried to record them marching down the street...I didn't mention this before but it was actually the girl's first communion party and she was wearing her headpiece during this whole episode...
I don't know the law, but I am not sure that it would be to legal to record a group of kids who are minding their own business. You may, however, be able to record them if they indulge in something obviously or could be construed to be illegal, which is why surveillance cameras are a good idea. But you seem unsure and reluctant, so I don't know what your options are except to set up a watch 12 hours a day, hoping to catch these pests doing something that they should not be.
I don't know if the school would intervene in cases of harassment that occur(red) outside of their premises. You might want to let your son's teacher know of what has transpired, so s/he can be alert and look out for your son, but the school will probably not take any action against these kids for doing anything outside school property. That is a law enforcement issue, not a school discipline matter.
05 May 2014, 10:23 pm
HisMom wrote:
Wreck-Gar wrote:
We have told this story to a lot of people (therapists, other parents) and they are urging us to report it to the school since the girl goes to the same school as my son. One therapist told us that the school might even get social services involved. Not sure if I want to do this yet as it was still the first incident and don't want any reprisals...
Anyway if I'd known that the kids were going to write on my sidewalk I'd definitely have tried to record them marching down the street...I didn't mention this before but it was actually the girl's first communion party and she was wearing her headpiece during this whole episode...
Anyway if I'd known that the kids were going to write on my sidewalk I'd definitely have tried to record them marching down the street...I didn't mention this before but it was actually the girl's first communion party and she was wearing her headpiece during this whole episode...
I don't know the law, but I am not sure that it would be to legal to record a group of kids who are minding their own business. You may, however, be able to record them if they indulge in something obviously or could be construed to be illegal, which is why surveillance cameras are a good idea. But you seem unsure and reluctant, so I don't know what your options are except to set up a watch 12 hours a day, hoping to catch these pests doing something that they should not be.
I don't know if the school would intervene in cases of harassment that occur(red) outside of their premises. You might want to let your son's teacher know of what has transpired, so s/he can be alert and look out for your son, but the school will probably not take any action against these kids for doing anything outside school property. That is a law enforcement issue, not a school discipline matter.
If I seem reluctant to install a camera it's because I don't understand why I need to spend money and restructure my life because of some stupid kids and basically live in fear of their next act.
As for telling the school I just meant so the school would be aware that the girl may be an issue with my son. I wouldn't expect them to do anything about the incident.
05 May 2014, 11:40 pm
Wreck-Gar wrote:
HisMom wrote:
Wreck-Gar wrote:
We have told this story to a lot of people (therapists, other parents) and they are urging us to report it to the school since the girl goes to the same school as my son. One therapist told us that the school might even get social services involved. Not sure if I want to do this yet as it was still the first incident and don't want any reprisals...
Anyway if I'd known that the kids were going to write on my sidewalk I'd definitely have tried to record them marching down the street...I didn't mention this before but it was actually the girl's first communion party and she was wearing her headpiece during this whole episode...
Anyway if I'd known that the kids were going to write on my sidewalk I'd definitely have tried to record them marching down the street...I didn't mention this before but it was actually the girl's first communion party and she was wearing her headpiece during this whole episode...
I don't know the law, but I am not sure that it would be to legal to record a group of kids who are minding their own business. You may, however, be able to record them if they indulge in something obviously or could be construed to be illegal, which is why surveillance cameras are a good idea. But you seem unsure and reluctant, so I don't know what your options are except to set up a watch 12 hours a day, hoping to catch these pests doing something that they should not be.
I don't know if the school would intervene in cases of harassment that occur(red) outside of their premises. You might want to let your son's teacher know of what has transpired, so s/he can be alert and look out for your son, but the school will probably not take any action against these kids for doing anything outside school property. That is a law enforcement issue, not a school discipline matter.
If I seem reluctant to install a camera it's because I don't understand why I need to spend money and restructure my life because of some stupid kids and basically live in fear of their next act.
As for telling the school I just meant so the school would be aware that the girl may be an issue with my son. I wouldn't expect them to do anything about the incident.
Yes, I agree, the onus of having to spend money should not fall on you. You have the right to a peaceful life in the comfort of your own home and good neighborly relations with the people in your community.
However, since that hasn't been the case, and since you mentioned your fear of potential vandalism, I was suggesting cameras just in case something did happen. I just thought it would be good to have evidence on tape that would then give you carte blanche to pursue these pests and their parents both criminally and civilly.
I did not intend to say that you should restructure your entire life and live in fear of them. I am sorry if I gave you that impression.
