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cooler8625
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18 Jun 2014, 8:32 am

setai wrote:
cooler8625 wrote:
YippySkippy wrote:
It's unlikely that you could have been diagnosed by anyone as a child, given your stated age. Autism used to be considered a rare condition, and was only diagnosed in non-verbal or otherwise severe cases. It wasn't until the late 1980s and the movie "Rainman" that most people even heard of it. So that part, at least, you can't blame on your parents.



what about a special school or social skills training? Would that have been feasible?


My husband who had behavior problems and we are pretty sure is an Aspie to Aspie light was in special school from elementary to middle school in the 70's. It was awful, the work was busy work even for gifted students like himself. All the special needs kids were mixed together and many of the behavior kids tormented the kids with physical problems and mental delays. Kids were manhandled and put through all kinds of testing and experiments in training. Kids who were average or had small learning disabilities rotted away because there was no academics. My husband being so gifted is the only reason he made it through the years of doing 1 or 2 grade worksheets over and over again. Their school outings were to fast food restaurants because it was assumed that was the best job they could aspire to.

Believe it or not that wasn't the worst story I have heard. I have good friend who is a special ed teacher and in the late 80's in KC kids diagnosed w Autism were separated from their parents into what was basically an institutionalized school.

It was stories like this that made me wait about a year to get my son diagnosed after it became clear he was not speaking and had very quirky behaviors. We were both a bit scared of special ed and what that meant for a gifted or even average intelligence child.


I had no idea that special ed was that bad. Maybe the hell I had to go through was a blessing in disguise.



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18 Jun 2014, 11:47 am

We let them put our son in SPED for pre-k b.c otherwise he would have had to do a full day in regular pre-k, which would have been way too much. I handled the academics the other half of the day, which was above what regular pre-k did anyway. (We had toileting issues, where he woukd try to hold it in too long, and he just would not have a been able to sit still as much as they expected even in pre-k)

If they had wanted to keep him there, beyond that one year, I would have pulled him sooner. The teachers and aides were low quality. The aide even proudly told me, a parent, they liked to feed the kids often so they would shut up! It served our acclimation purpose at the time, but to leave him there longer...no way.

Plus once the kids are older you have the same bullying issues they do in mainstream classes; they just pick different things to bully kids about.

I am sure there are better programs elsewhere, but not here...



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18 Jun 2014, 1:20 pm

ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
We let them put our son in SPED for pre-k b.c otherwise he would have had to do a full day in regular pre-k, which would have been way too much. I handled the academics the other half of the day, which was above what regular pre-k did anyway. (We had toileting issues, where he woukd try to hold it in too long, and he just would not have a been able to sit still as much as they expected even in pre-k)

If they had wanted to keep him there, beyond that one year, I would have pulled him sooner. The teachers and aides were low quality. The aide even proudly told me, a parent, they liked to feed the kids often so they would shut up! It served our acclimation purpose at the time, but to leave him there longer...no way.

Plus once the kids are older you have the same bullying issues they do in mainstream classes; they just pick different things to bully kids about.

I am sure there are better programs elsewhere, but not here...


If you have the same issues in special ed as you do in regular school, you're pretty much stuck--damned in you do, damned if you don't. Since I was very smart and reading on third grade level in first grade, special ed for me probably would not have helped--I probably would have acted up more because I was bored.



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18 Jun 2014, 1:46 pm

Yep. If anything I think it is worse because when you are older the other kids -know- who is in SPED, and having the SPED kids interact with the mainstreamed kids in considered a plus. So they may share recess or P.E or something and then you get picked on for being in SPED. (Supposedly, there are people who live in a more enlightened community, but ours is not)

We only did it for very unique reasons, At that age it did no harm to our son, but I would not generally recommend it for an academically-inclined child. We were able to handle academics on our own, luckily.

For most people, if you have ASD, schooling is rough. There are also places that have a large enough ASD student population to offer ASD specific SPED, I don't know how academic that is, either. Our school district does not have it, but there are kids of varying academic abilities in it, so they should ideally have individualized academics. I do not know if they do, though. I don't know how much of it is social skills/behavioral training and whether it takes significant time time and energy away from academics.

There are also expensive private schools, but those are a crapshoot, too. We have nothing near us, so it would be a long drive everyday. We would have to sue the district and hope we would win to get them to pay for it. Also academics are de-emphasized.

It is very hard as a parent to try to simultaneously protect and prepare a child with ASD.


Edited for clarity.



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18 Jun 2014, 2:08 pm

ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
Yep. If anything I think it is worse because when you are older the other kids -know- who is in SPED, and having the SPED kids interact with the mainstreamed kids in considered a plus. So they may share recess or P.E or something and then you get picked on for being in SPED. (Supposedly, there are people who live in a more enlightened community, but ours is not)

We only did it for very unique reasons, At that age it did no harm to our son, but I would not generally recommend it for an academically-inclined child. We were able to handle academics on our own, luckily.

For most people, if you have ASD, schooling is rough. There are also places that have a large enough ASD student population to offer ASD specific SPED, I don't know how academic that is, either. Our school district does not have it, but there are kids of varying academic abilities in it, so they should ideally have individualized academics. I do not know if they do, though. I don't know how much of it is social skills/behavioral training and whether it takes significant time time and energy away from academics.

There are also expensive private schools, but those are a crapshoot, too. We have nothing near us, so it would be a long drive everyday. We would have to sue the district and hope we would win to get them to pay for it. Also academics are de-emphasized.

It is very hard as a parent to try to simultaneously protect and prepare a child with ASD.


Edited for clarity.



You can't be by a child's side 24 hours a day. Sooner or later they are going to have to face people, whether it be at school or at work. That's just the way our society works--if anyone is the least bit different, by appearance, behavior, or anything else, he/she is going to be singled out for ridicule and persecution. It's not fair, but that's just the way things are. What people do not understand, they're afraid of--they compensate for their own insecurity by belittling and ridiculing their targets.



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18 Jun 2014, 2:22 pm

cooler8625 wrote:
ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
Yep. If anything I think it is worse because when you are older the other kids -know- who is in SPED, and having the SPED kids interact with the mainstreamed kids in considered a plus. So they may share recess or P.E or something and then you get picked on for being in SPED. (Supposedly, there are people who live in a more enlightened community, but ours is not)

We only did it for very unique reasons, At that age it did no harm to our son, but I would not generally recommend it for an academically-inclined child. We were able to handle academics on our own, luckily.

For most people, if you have ASD, schooling is rough. There are also places that have a large enough ASD student population to offer ASD specific SPED, I don't know how academic that is, either. Our school district does not have it, but there are kids of varying academic abilities in it, so they should ideally have individualized academics. I do not know if they do, though. I don't know how much of it is social skills/behavioral training and whether it takes significant time time and energy away from academics.

There are also expensive private schools, but those are a crapshoot, too. We have nothing near us, so it would be a long drive everyday. We would have to sue the district and hope we would win to get them to pay for it. Also academics are de-emphasized.

It is very hard as a parent to try to simultaneously protect and prepare a child with ASD.


Edited for clarity.



You can't be by a child's side 24 hours a day. Sooner or later they are going to have to face people, whether it be at school or at work. That's just the way our society works--if anyone is the least bit different, by appearance, behavior, or anything else, he/she is going to be singled out for ridicule and persecution. It's not fair, but that's just the way things are. What people do not understand, they're afraid of--they compensate for their own insecurity by belittling and ridiculing their targets.


Agreed. I don't have any good solutions or answers to that.

My dad (also very AS) had a saying he would use about chickens pecking to death any chicken that was different, and saying people are not sny different. Some days I am more optimistic than that; many days I am not. There are good people who are not like that, but they can really seem like the exceptions, sometimes.



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18 Jun 2014, 2:29 pm

ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
cooler8625 wrote:
ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
Yep. If anything I think it is worse because when you are older the other kids -know- who is in SPED, and having the SPED kids interact with the mainstreamed kids in considered a plus. So they may share recess or P.E or something and then you get picked on for being in SPED. (Supposedly, there are people who live in a more enlightened community, but ours is not)

We only did it for very unique reasons, At that age it did no harm to our son, but I would not generally recommend it for an academically-inclined child. We were able to handle academics on our own, luckily.

For most people, if you have ASD, schooling is rough. There are also places that have a large enough ASD student population to offer ASD specific SPED, I don't know how academic that is, either. Our school district does not have it, but there are kids of varying academic abilities in it, so they should ideally have individualized academics. I do not know if they do, though. I don't know how much of it is social skills/behavioral training and whether it takes significant time time and energy away from academics.

There are also expensive private schools, but those are a crapshoot, too. We have nothing near us, so it would be a long drive everyday. We would have to sue the district and hope we would win to get them to pay for it. Also academics are de-emphasized.

It is very hard as a parent to try to simultaneously protect and prepare a child with ASD.


Edited for clarity.



You can't be by a child's side 24 hours a day. Sooner or later they are going to have to face people, whether it be at school or at work. That's just the way our society works--if anyone is the least bit different, by appearance, behavior, or anything else, he/she is going to be singled out for ridicule and persecution. It's not fair, but that's just the way things are. What people do not understand, they're afraid of--they compensate for their own insecurity by belittling and ridiculing their targets.


Agreed. I don't have any good solutions or answers to that.

My dad (also very AS) had a saying he would use about chickens pecking to death any chicken that was different, and saying people are not sny different. Some days I am more optimistic than that; many days I am not. There are good people who are not like that, but they can really seem like the exceptions, sometimes.


Your dad may have a valid point there. Aspies are truly at the bottom of the pecking order. What you were saying about being upbeat some days and down others I am the same way--I am bipolar in addition to having Asperger's. Have you been diagnosed as being bipolar?



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18 Jun 2014, 3:27 pm

No, not bipolar. Sometimes I am more optimistic than other times depending on what is going on. If we have had a difficult time recently I tend to be less optimistic.



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18 Jun 2014, 3:40 pm

ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
No, not bipolar. Sometimes I am more optimistic than other times depending on what is going on. If we have had a difficult time recently I tend to be less optimistic.


Sorry no offense. Hope I didn't make you mad.



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18 Jun 2014, 3:43 pm

cooler8625 wrote:
ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
No, not bipolar. Sometimes I am more optimistic than other times depending on what is going on. If we have had a difficult time recently I tend to be less optimistic.


Sorry no offense. Hope I didn't make you mad.


Nope. I am pro-neurodiversity even for stuff I don't have.

No worries.

:)



cooler8625
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18 Jun 2014, 4:15 pm

ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
cooler8625 wrote:
ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
No, not bipolar. Sometimes I am more optimistic than other times depending on what is going on. If we have had a difficult time recently I tend to be less optimistic.


Sorry no offense. Hope I didn't make you mad.


Nope. I am pro-neurodiversity even for stuff I don't have.

No worries.

:)



Aspies aren't really disabled, are they? They just view the world differently.

One more piece of advice. Do you have a Hobby Lobby in your state and have you ever shopped at it? There is going to be a store opening up in my city in September and I was wondering what you think about me applying to it. Do you think it would be less stressful than Wal-Mart?



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18 Jun 2014, 5:00 pm

cooler8625 wrote:
ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
cooler8625 wrote:
ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
No, not bipolar. Sometimes I am more optimistic than other times depending on what is going on. If we have had a difficult time recently I tend to be less optimistic.


Sorry no offense. Hope I didn't make you mad.


Nope. I am pro-neurodiversity even for stuff I don't have.

No worries.

:)



Aspies aren't really disabled, are they? They just view the world differently.

One more piece of advice. Do you have a Hobby Lobby in your state and have you ever shopped at it? There is going to be a store opening up in my city in September and I was wondering what you think about me applying to it. Do you think it would be less stressful than Wal-Mart?


I think it varies, My son has enough social difficulties that I think to some degree, yes, his differences and difficulties dealing with people are severe enough that if pressed, I would have to say he is disabled. Mostly, I choose not to view it that way, but because of how society is and what expectations are from a social standpoint, he is disabled in a functional sense. In my own case, there often things I don't feel I can manage very well, or that take an extraordinary effort to do. I don't consider myself disabled b/c I have enough coping strategies to make it work well enough. I can go about my business and have people think I am odd or quirky, but I do not get stared at. My son can't pass like that.

We do have Hobby Lobbies where I am, but I have not been in one in awhile. The employees seemed more pleasant and less harried than Wal-mart employees, but I know nothing about how well they are treated. Their owner is religious and they close on Sundays. I don't know if they are evangelical with regards to their employment practices other than their suit regarding the American Care Act.

It would not hurt to interview with them. Even if you don't want to work there it will give you interviewing experience for a different job.



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19 Jun 2014, 10:04 pm

ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
cooler8625 wrote:
ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
cooler8625 wrote:
ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
No, not bipolar. Sometimes I am more optimistic than other times depending on what is going on. If we have had a difficult time recently I tend to be less optimistic.


Sorry no offense. Hope I didn't make you mad.


Nope. I am pro-neurodiversity even for stuff I don't have.

No worries.

:)



Aspies aren't really disabled, are they? They just view the world differently.

One more piece of advice. Do you have a Hobby Lobby in your state and have you ever shopped at it? There is going to be a store opening up in my city in September and I was wondering what you think about me applying to it. Do you think it would be less stressful than Wal-Mart?


I think it varies, My son has enough social difficulties that I think to some degree, yes, his differences and difficulties dealing with people are severe enough that if pressed, I would have to say he is disabled. Mostly, I choose not to view it that way, but because of how society is and what expectations are from a social standpoint, he is disabled in a functional sense. In my own case, there often things I don't feel I can manage very well, or that take an extraordinary effort to do. I don't consider myself disabled b/c I have enough coping strategies to make it work well enough. I can go about my business and have people think I am odd or quirky, but I do not get stared at. My son can't pass like that.

We do have Hobby Lobbies where I am, but I have not been in one in awhile. The employees seemed more pleasant and less harried than Wal-mart employees, but I know nothing about how well they are treated. Their owner is religious and they close on Sundays. I don't know if they are evangelical with regards to their employment practices other than their suit regarding the American Care Act.

It would not hurt to interview with them. Even if you don't want to work there it will give you interviewing experience for a different job.


Should I disclose the fact that I have Asperger's, or do you think it will cause me unnecessary grief or, worse, cause me to not get the job?

I would very much value your opinion. Please feel free to read my other posts if you think they will help.



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20 Jun 2014, 7:39 am

cooler8625 wrote:
ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
cooler8625 wrote:
ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
cooler8625 wrote:
ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
No, not bipolar. Sometimes I am more optimistic than other times depending on what is going on. If we have had a difficult time recently I tend to be less optimistic.


Sorry no offense. Hope I didn't make you mad.


Nope. I am pro-neurodiversity even for stuff I don't have.

No worries.

:)



Aspies aren't really disabled, are they? They just view the world differently.

One more piece of advice. Do you have a Hobby Lobby in your state and have you ever shopped at it? There is going to be a store opening up in my city in September and I was wondering what you think about me applying to it. Do you think it would be less stressful than Wal-Mart?


I think it varies, My son has enough social difficulties that I think to some degree, yes, his differences and difficulties dealing with people are severe enough that if pressed, I would have to say he is disabled. Mostly, I choose not to view it that way, but because of how society is and what expectations are from a social standpoint, he is disabled in a functional sense. In my own case, there often things I don't feel I can manage very well, or that take an extraordinary effort to do. I don't consider myself disabled b/c I have enough coping strategies to make it work well enough. I can go about my business and have people think I am odd or quirky, but I do not get stared at. My son can't pass like that.

We do have Hobby Lobbies where I am, but I have not been in one in awhile. The employees seemed more pleasant and less harried than Wal-mart employees, but I know nothing about how well they are treated. Their owner is religious and they close on Sundays. I don't know if they are evangelical with regards to their employment practices other than their suit regarding the American Care Act.

It would not hurt to interview with them. Even if you don't want to work there it will give you interviewing experience for a different job.


Should I disclose the fact that I have Asperger's, or do you think it will cause me unnecessary grief or, worse, cause me to not get the job?

I would very much value your opinion. Please feel free to read my other posts if you think they will help.


Other people would probably disagree with me, but I would not. The current climate is not sympathetic and I do not know enough about Hobby Lobby to know how they would react.



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20 Jun 2014, 11:54 am

I agree w ASDMommyASDKid. I wouldn't disclose in your interview or even early in you position about your ASD, unless the company has a public pro ASD stance, some tech companies in the Bay Area look for ASD workers. It is first legally none of their business if you can do the work. Also, you can't trust that your future employer won't use that against you. It is wrong and illegal, but hard to prove. If you are working there and need some accommodations to make your work better, then you might want to bring it up.

I don't believe my son is disabled, but I do believe his differences make it harder for him in the NT world. I use the accommodations, IEP and HFA classroom, to ensure he gets the best education he can have. He is in speech and 25hrs of homebased ABA to improve his speech and his ability to attend. He is 4 and though I don't believe he understands what autism is we have not hidden the fact he is autistic and don't treat it like a disability. I do believe that some symptoms of ASD can be disabling(completely non verbal, self injury, extreme sensory issues) and some folks are truly disabled by them. Right now my little guy isn't and I hope with a lot of hard work and great resources that will remain the case. With such as spectrum it is difficult. My son is not disabled and I don't want him to every feel that way, but I can't deny the parents with kids severe issues feel correctly like their child is disabled and want to 'fix it'.



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20 Jun 2014, 12:27 pm

setai wrote:
I agree w ASDMommyASDKid. I wouldn't disclose in your interview or even early in you position about your ASD, unless the company has a public pro ASD stance, some tech companies in the Bay Area look for ASD workers. It is first legally none of their business if you can do the work. Also, you can't trust that your future employer won't use that against you. It is wrong and illegal, but hard to prove. If you are working there and need some accommodations to make your work better, then you might want to bring it up.

I don't believe my son is disabled, but I do believe his differences make it harder for him in the NT world. I use the accommodations, IEP and HFA classroom, to ensure he gets the best education he can have. He is in speech and 25hrs of homebased ABA to improve his speech and his ability to attend. He is 4 and though I don't believe he understands what autism is we have not hidden the fact he is autistic and don't treat it like a disability. I do believe that some symptoms of ASD can be disabling(completely non verbal, self injury, extreme sensory issues) and some folks are truly disabled by them. Right now my little guy isn't and I hope with a lot of hard work and great resources that will remain the case. With such as spectrum it is difficult. My son is not disabled and I don't want him to every feel that way, but I can't deny the parents with kids severe issues feel correctly like their child is disabled and want to 'fix it'.


I should probably clarify my comment on disabled vs. not-disabled. I am in a certain frame of mind right now b/c we spend 6 weeks of the summer doing a summer thing, which is only about 3 hrs a week max, but it involves sitting with NT kids for long periods of time. It is hard for me b/c while my son doesn't understand he is different, the kids know it and make it very clear. The adults tolerate our presence as long as we are within certain parameters of acceptable behavior, but I have to be ever watchful and vigilant so I can take him out if it turns bad.

I am able to be there, which helps if I need to prompt him to stick to the rules about sitting still etc., but I also have to watch what goes on and it is painful for me. The kids don't say anything to him to my knowledge, but I can see the reactions.

I should be happy b/c he is conducting himself damn well, but I am not as happy as I ought to be b/c even his exemplary best is not good enough for -other-people. I like him the way he is. I only meant disabled from the perspective of the real world and what you need to do to function in it.

(Not wanting to hijack: Just explaining why my current posts are what they are. I wish the world were kinder.)

Edited for clarity.