Asperger teen dating

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I see your problem with a kid copying too much of his peers suggestions, possibly being tricked into very inappropriate things. I agree that you need to intervene with that. I once had to tell my son that if he continued with his inappropriate behaviors with peers he would get into big trouble, and he did quit.

I never had that problem, and I always did what I thought was best regardless of what others thought about it. That did include some inappropriate things, and some things that peers thought were really strange (but the girls obviously enjoyed participating in). I don't think my parents could have avoided me doing the inappropriate things, and the things peers thought were strange were their problems, not mine or the girl involved.

I suppose it all depends on the kid and the situation.

You also do actually have to have social skills to flirt (effectively) The difference between a lingering look and staring, for example. So is knowing what would be a flirtatious thing to say, and what is not flirting or borders into inappropriate.

I was never good at flirting is how I know this, and many of the guys I liked were not either.

Following on from the last post there is also the difficulty of not seeing the effect you may be having on people. Unintentionally leading them on by not recognizing flirting on their part or seeing overtures as normal friendliness then finding oneself in the situation of being responsible for hurting someone else's feelings because you were not " on the same page" or being startled and horrified by an overtly sexual overture from someone you thought was just friendly when you misinterpreted what was going on both have happened to my teenage girl and the latter to me in my early twenties thankfully the person involved with me was a gentleman and backed off I am not sure my daughter was so lucky but as they were fairly young teens it was not extreme but was in her eyes the nuances of dating behavior are really tricky for all especially those whose ordinary social interaction is a challange

Not so. There is both a neurotypical and a neurodiverse version of flirting, and it was always the neurodiverse variant I practiced (and still do for fun from time to time). This came naturally to me, and thus I could do it long before I knew much about the NT world's social rules. Of course, it is only a minority of girls that respond to neurodiverse flirting, but that is not really a problem, rather works as a good compatibility filter.

Please explain "neurodiverse flirting"

Sorry, I can't. I thought I had explained it well with a single sentence (Do you flirt with quick glances?) in Aspie Quiz, and it seemed like it related to all the right things, but in the end it still failed to some degree as it also related to NT relationships. So, no, I don't think it is possible to explain with words so it can exclude what NTs do.

But I can say that it is non-verbal and based on eye contact patterns. Perhaps the neurodiverse trait to only like to look at those you like is related, but it's not the same thing.

I do not think what you are saying is consistently true. There are glancing eye-contact AS people, and there are staring ones. The glancing looks might keep you out of trouble. The staring ones will not. In days of yore you would just get labeled creepy. In today's paranoid environment in the schools I believe you can called out for actual stalking. I don't have a link, but I believe I read some anecdotal thing fairly recently about that happening to some kid in school.

If whatever atypical flirting is interpreted as dangerous/creepy by NTs it will cause trouble, these days.

I dunno man-- You can't get raped (or charged with rape--actually my greater fear, although DS's impulse control has improved a lot and there's a lot of ground between 7 and "dating") on the Internet. No one can slip you a roofie on the Internet. You can't get pressured into getting in a car with a drunk driver on the Internet...

The two times that I went on a "date" in adolescence, I was bloody glad that SOMEONE'S parent was there. I didn't have the assertiveness skills to say no, and he didn't have the common decency to take no for an answer. We could still talk, and do (appropriate) things, and joke around...

...but someone was there to put a stop to his hand going down my pants, and I'M GLAD. I was glad then (even though I was pretty pissed at my dad initially for insisting on open doors and tagging along), and I'm doubly glad now. I'm glad all the pressure for stopping that kind of s**t wasn't on me.

My job isn't to "be cool." My job isn't even to "be liked." I should try not to make them hate me (say, by chipping in my $0.02 to all their conversations or critiquing their choices in music or fashion). But, at least until they hit legal majority, my job as their mother is to protect them (and also to protect others from the worst consequences of immature judgment). My job is to teach them how to be socially responsible; my ability to do that is seriously limited if I'm tucked away doing my own thing while the socializing is going on.

I feel like an asshat doing it, but IT'S MY JOB. I hope that, after a few episodes of me sitting quietly in the background and minding my own business as long as no one's getting bullied, drugged, or felt up, they'll sort of accept me as part of the scenery and cool out. That's the way it's gone with having friends over-- my oldest was pretty irate about "in public rooms or with the door open" at first, but now I'm just another person hanging out (as long as I don't get too stuffy or try to cram "old lady judgments" down their throats). They actually WANT to hang out here because I'm a "friendly mom." Not "cool" or "with-it" or "a teenager who can buy beer." Just present, open, and involved.

It's awkward to start. It took about a school year to get rolling, and it's something that still takes an effort (because I know any social gaffes I make are probably going to reflect on my kids) and causes clammy palms on my part. But IT'S MY JOB. I contracted for this when sperm met egg and I didn't call up an abortion clinic or an adoption agency.

"Parent" is also a verb.