dealing with your hyperactive and very compulsive child

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I think 3 is late. My son was being raised bilingually when he was an infant/toddler and I remember the pediatrician telling me that he wouldn't be concerned about his lack of language development until he reached 2 (he was delayed until 18 months, at which point he took off with English. He never really did communicate at all in Spanish).

I did not notice that anything was "off" with my son's social interactions when he was your son's age. I did notice, however, that he was hyperactive and impulsive. He also seemed to have no boundaries and little sense of danger. Truly, I just thought he was brilliant and that was why he was different from his peers. That's what everyone told me and it made sense. He was verbally advanced, highly inquisitive and sometimes said things that simply dumbfounded me. When he was 3, he told me I no longer needed to use the child safety locks because he understood that poison would hurt him and he wouldn't touch it. Everyone marveled at him.

By the age of 5, it was very clear that there was more to his presentation than simple brilliance. The older he got, the more his social skills gaps became obvious. He started having noticeable difficulty with pragmatic language. Although his peers generally "liked" him, they could only tolerate him in limited doses. He became more and more aware that he was not like other kids. "Mommy, I know it is wrong to do something, but I do it anyway. I must be a bad boy." At 5 and 6 when I first started having him evaluated, I was told he was "very bright and extremely exuberant" and that he was "hyperactive and needed meds." No one seemed to be able to tell me why he had the struggles he did. Everyone seemed, from my perspective, to downplay his issues because he was very charming and bright, especially with grown-ups. I finally found someone, at the age of 7, who was able to diagnose him with NLD, which his pediatric neurologist described as being similar to many aspects of Aspergers, with less severe impairment when it comes to things like repetition and rigidity. He believes NLD is part of the autism spectrum. He also diagnosed him with ADHD. But the NLD was the "missing piece."

I tell you this, not to scare you, but so that you will keep an open mind as he gets older. Just because he does not have glaringly obvious autistic traits now (although his meltdowns and lack of language are at least autistic-like) does not mean that the deficits he does have (if he has them) will not become more apparent as he becomes older. But I would have his speech evaluated. I think 3 is a little late, even in a multilingual environment.

Best of luck to you. My son rarely had meltdowns and when my daughter did in public, I just tried to deal with them the same way I would if we were not in public. The biggest help was to prepare, prepare, prepare, so as to avoid the meltdown to begin with. She wore a harness/leash for a long time to keep her from bolting in the street. I got a lot of negative comments and dirty looks, but seriously, why is it OK for me to prevent my dog from running into the street, but not my daughter? I actually tried to teach her to bark when people said something to me but she never was able to catch on! LOL! She loved that thing. I had to "lose" it to make her give it up, well after she no longer needed it.

Also I want to expand to say that my son was EXTREMELY social. Meaning he tried to engage everyone he saw. And I mean, EVERYONE. I initially saw him as "socially fearless" and I actually admired him a bit for it because I, myself, am so reserved. He could--and would--walk up to anyone anywhere and strike up a conversation. If he saw a group of kids playing, he would walk right up and ask if he could play.

The truth was, however, that he was utterly clueless socially. He could not tell when people did not want to talk to him. He could not tell when he was too close to someone, that he was asking too many question, that someone did not want to play, etc. This is what I mean when I said his peers could only take him in limited doses. But because he was not "shy" and worked very hard to engage with others, the initial people who evaluated him totally missed the fact that he actually had social deficits. It wasn't until the final doctor I took him to, who ONLY sees kids with neurobehavioral development issues, sat with him for awhile, that he could see what his teachers and I saw.

Being "social" is not the same thing as "having social skills." FWIW, my sister-in-laws father is an adult like this. He is very outgoing. Friendly to anyone and everyone. But he has no boundaries, no filter, and no ability to pick up on people's "I've had enough" signals. You basically have to say to him "I am bored. Stop talking about trains," or he will not understand that he needs to change to a new topic. He is really clueless when you watch him, but I think most people would never think he is "autistic" because he is so "social."

Thank you very much. That sounds great, I will try it.

I was just looking this up for something else, but I think it applies here: http://bipr.org/wp-content/uploads/2012 ... gram-2.pdf

I think, also, that your child would benefit from some kind of pictorial social story when you are leaving your home. If he knows what is going to happen, then he might be better able to deal with it. Also, you can offer him different options in case it is a sensory issue (headphones, sunglasses, etc.) if you can successfully communicate with pictures.

See https://www.pinterest.com/pin/79235274671025137/ for an example, except instead of their ending (which I think is counter-productive since it asks for compliance without solving the problem) I would do pictures of putting on headphones, putting in earplugs, or pulling a hood over his head.